Coloured Me Grey (Book Two)

Chapter 40

I fell asleep last night while editing this. 😭 I feel horrible.

***

Ma walked into the room and found me slowly losing my mind over the spilled contents of my suitcase. I had poured them all out on the floor and Yash was supposed to come and pick me up in another hour.

"What's wrong? Have you taken a shower yet?"

Our newly rented apartment came with two bedrooms but one bed. I was comfortable with sleeping on a mattress on the floor – an emptier room worked out better for me any way. I'd roll up the mattress every morning and the entire floor would be dominated by lumps of clay on some days or sawdust and wood shavings on others until the theory exams had started. Zara had more room to play in here too. We had to be careful not to get any colour or markings on the walls since landlords always look for excuses to extract more money in the form of "damage charges". Especially when there was a kid in the house, they were bound  to be snooping around.

We had sparse furniture - the absolute necessities only - and it wasn't long before we had become quite used to the extra leg space. We were doing fine.

But now with the menacing possibility of me throwing a hissy fit and missing the train, I was not doing okay.

I was on the verge of tears. "I just feel like I'm forgetting to take something important."

Zara's – Ma. Ma sat down on the floor beside me and started folding some of the clothes strewn across the floor. "Did you lose the list?"

No, I shook my head and fished out the list of things I needed to pack. "I have everything that's there on the list."

"Then? What's the matter?"

I stayed quiet. Not wanting to go somewhere I've always wanted to would be pretty dumb at this point.

But I can't go on dealing with this feeling of dread either. I don't have the time.

"I'm scared," I muttered with my eyes cast down. "I've barely ever left the city on my own."

"You'll be with your friends and professors. You'll make new friends over there," she gently pushed some of the clothes into my hands, urging me to fold them and put them back in the suitcase. "I'm sure you'll have a good time. You can contact us over the phone anytime you want to."

"But what if everything changes?"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want this to change. I like it here. I like it better than it was at Baba's."

She smiled sadly. "I know."

"So –"

In these last few weeks it had begun to feel like living with a family, and not just for the sake of Zara. I knew that the three of us would be more of a family than Baba and I ever had been.

But one month was a long time.

The world as I knew it changed in just one afternoon – what surprise did a few weeks hold?

"Have faith – that's what families are built on." She took the folded clothes from my hand and reminded me to double-check my tool kit so that I was not forgetting something that's not easily available there.

Everything would be easily available there since it was a residential performative, liberal and fine arts school. It also had science departments - so I would get more than I could ever ask for.

"I don't want to lose this."

The suitcase was packed neatly once again. I lifted it up in a standing position and rolled it across the room, setting it beside the backpack containing food and water for the journey. We would reach the Viswabharati campus by the afternoon.