Arrested (A Jaden Hossler FANFIC)

🖤 eleven 🖤

Pray had me in tears. Been dealing with thoughts of suicide and depression. I don't really know who I am anymore. Please, if you know someone isn't okay, reach out. A little goes a long fucking way.

Jaden's POV

"I've been feeling wrong. Everything in my life is perfect, but I'm just feeling wrong. It's like the world is moving and I'm just watching it. I don't know what's wrong with me. I mean, I've always struggled with mental health issues, but not like this. Not to the point where I wake up in the morning and just wish- no, pray- that I didn't," tears were streaming down my face. "I-I don't know what to do. I'm so broken."

Sobs racked through my body. I shook violently and my cries sounds so loud that I even scared myself. Then, I felt the arms around me, pulling me in. I rested my head on her chest and continued to sob.

I cried for what felt like minutes, but the clock on the wall proved it to have been an hour and a half. The whole time, Halston stayed silent, just listening to me cry.

Finally, I wiped my face with the sleeve of my shirt and sat up.

"Ugh," I sniffed and rubbed my temple, a painful headache was forming. Glancing over at Halston, I saw she too was wiping away tears. "Shit, I'm sorry Hals, I didn't mean to-"

"No, no, it's fine," she waved me off, sniffling. "I'm just really beating myself up right now."

"What? Why?" I looked at her alarmed. "None of this is your fault.

"I've known you for two years Jaden. I mean, we're... involved. I should have known something was off. I'm so sorry," she shook her head. "I've been so distracted by posting on YouTube and creating content."

"Hals..."

"If anything ever happened to you..." she looked up at me. "I know that there are days where you really just don't want to be alive, trust me. When those days come, please, Haden, remember that you are worth more than anything to many, many people. Myself included."

I just nodded.

"God, I'm so sorry Jaden," she leaned forward and rested her chin on my shoulder. I turned my head and kissed her temple.

"It's okay," I laced my fingers through her. "I just.. don't know what to do."

Silence.

Finally after five minutes, Halston abruptly stood up and left the room.

"What the..."

She came back and placed a piece of paper and a pencil in front of me. She said, "do what you do best."

I looked up at her.

"Write music."

So, I picked up the pencil and wrote: I pray to God let me die in my sleep.

Halston's POV

It's been two weeks since Jaden confessed to me that this mental health was getting worse. Since then, I've publicly announced that I'm taking a short break from social media to deal with some "personal things".

Personal things being Jaden.

We both took a trip to Texas so he could spend time with his family and just clear his head. He worked endlessly on the song that he started the day we talked. He's calling it Pray.

Today we're shooting the music video and he asked me to be in it. I'm playing his girlfriend (who would have thought). In the video, he kind of gets to see what happens after he's committed suicide and how it's affected the people he's left behind.

In the scene, I'm at the church after everyone has left and I'm sitting the one of the pews.

"Just start screaming and crying," the director told me. "I mean pretend like the love of your life just died."

I nodded and went to my "sad" place. I've always wanted to be an actress, and I'm good at it, so this wasn't hard for me.

"While your crying, Jaden is gonna be watching and trying to get your attention, but you can't see him, because he's not really there. So just maintain character," the director continued.

"Okay," I nodded. Jaden walked over to me and said, "you okay? You ready?"

"Yup," I winked and took a seat in the pews.

"And action!"

They played Pray over the speakers and I started crying. Tears streamed down my face and I screamed, thrashing about in the pew.

"No, God, please, no," I cried and sank down to the floor. "No!"

-

"Thank you."

I looked up at Jaden in surprise. We were just sitting on my front porch and enjoying the night.

"For what?"

"Being supportive, helping me write my song, being so good in the music video.." Jaden wrapped his arm around me and brought me close. "I love you."

I looked up at him and smiled, "I love you too."

I pray to God I don't die in my sleep...

I pray to God I don't die in my sleep...

I'm as sick as all these secrets I keep...

But the truth is, I can only be me...

I pray to God I don't die in my sleep...