Blood In The Shadows

Chapter 10-

I can hear them talking in the halls, everyone making comments to each other about me. About what i have been through . They all come in with sympathy in their eyes and are sweet as they talk to me. I wish i could say i took pleasure in these small talks but it's always one sided. When ever i go try and speak the nurses and doctors urge me to be quiet and that it's not the right time. They say it could take four to six weeks for my vocal cords to heal properly and if i try and talk too soon it will only make the recovery time longer and more painful. It's not something that i wanted to hear and it infuriates me to the bone but my grandpa takes pleasure in the silence i'm sure.  Although often he looks at me as if he is longing for me to speak which i never do. The doctors keep sedatives locked up for in case i have another panic attack or episode as i call it. The doctor came back and told me that although he understands why it happened that i need to be sure it doesn't happen again as it will be only causing more danger to myself. He says he understands but how could he?

He hasn't been in my position, knows not of what i feel or the nightmares that wrack my brain as i sleep. He does not see the faces that haunt my sleep or how i feel locked in a cage with no sign of escape. Once he leaves the nurses show more care, perhaps it's because they know and have seen what i go through at night. The trembles, the sweats, the screams that plague my sleep. They see the terror in my eyes when they accidentally wake me in the night to perform my obs. They wipe the tears i cry away as i wish for death. He understands nothing of what i feel, nothing of what i have been through. 

The conversation becomes louder in the hall as i hear "She needs to be told the truth." I can't help but listen to what is being said. Being here has turned me into a nosy old lady who is desperate to have a bit of gossip to keep me going through the day. I stare at the wall ahead of me unable to turn to look out the window as much as it tempts me "If it's truly her, then her family deserves to know the truth. They have every right to see her"

"And if it is her decision. If she doesn't wish to see them they should leave but if she wished to see them, then they are more than welcome. I have stated that from the beginning" The voice becomes more familiar. The rustiness and hoarse from lack of sleep. 

"And how is she to make a choice if she doesn't know the truth." A female voice becomes clearer as they stand by the room door. 

"And how many times do you need to be told, When the doctor thinks she is fit enough she will be told" His voice is angered, it's not often i hear him speak in such a tone but when he does it's often a losing battle." Or are you along with them incompetent that you would put her life at risk." 

"In case you have forgotten this is a hospital where patients need quiet and peace. If you cannot lower you voices and abide by our rules we have no other choice but to ask you to leave" Nurse Ricks announces to them clear as day. A small curl forms at the side of my mouth by this. 

The voices become hushed and i watch as my grandpa re-enters my room with a fresh cup of coffee in his hand. I have so many thoughts inside my head, so much i wanted to know but i don't think i'll like what i hear. Why else would they hide something from me for so long? They are trying to protect me. I push my nurses button as my grandpa takes a seat beside me "Are you okay?" he asks in a hurried and quick voice. His face growing with concern as he looks at me. 

I reach over and pick up the white board and pen from the table and begin to write "Doctor Charlie?" I blink my eyes twice to my grandpa but i'm unaware if he saw or not. 

The nurse hurries in and makes her way toward me "Are you alright Miss Parrino?" Her voice so angelic as she speaks. I turn the board to face her allowing her to read it "Ah, i'll go have a look" She makes her way back out the room saying no more and i keep my eyes on The Boss. Ever since he has been here he has been so tense so on edge. He often leaves for work but tries to limit it till night time when he knows his presence here is not needed as i sleep most of the time. I know he knows who it was, the carvings are familiar to him. The sound of the bottom of heeled dress shoes click against the ground as they enter my room and as i see him he smiles at me.