Blood In The Shadows

Chapter 11-

I rest my eyes for a brief moment as i wait for their arrival. After a lot of convincing from my grandpa i agreed to meet with my biological family. I can't promise to love them, I can't promise them happiness and i can't promise that i am the person they want. I'm not the person they remember, the child who was young and innocent. The child who knew love, i'm not that person anymore. The sooner they realise that the better because in the end i'm only going to disappoint them. 

My body craves more sleep, more energy. It's like no matter how much hours i get i just don't get enough. Like my body is so run down that it will never be enough. My eyes are constantly heavy on my face, my eyes dropping and the black bags under my eyes don't disappear. Trying to stay awake during a conversation is a struggle but i fight the urges to close my eyes. The nightmares haven't become easier, they feel more dark. My mind is trying to tell me something but my heart and head is closed off, my subconscious doesn't want to see the truth. To see what my brain wants me to see. My physiotherapists have been trying to work with me but i'm too weak ,  my head hurts too much that whenever i lift it from the pillow it feels so heavy as if there is a boulder attached to my head. My neck hurts if i move it the wrong way, to swallow, to eat. My shoulder makes it hard for me to move my arm. My ribs cause me pain to breath, to move at all. I try and take small breaths so my rib cage doesn't expand too greatly to ease the pain but it doesn't help my lingering pain. Often it feels like i am a lost case but they tend to me anyway. Make sure to move my legs so i don't lost the muscle in them. Make sure i am eating my food which i often find myself refusing because it's too difficult. All i feel is a burden on people as i lay helpless on a bed with a little board as my only communication. 

Grandpa bought me a new phone to replace the one that i had broken. We don't speak often about my family and i always express my love for him and that i'd never leave and abandon him, not when he has shown me so much love even though i wasn't his. I often make him promise he won't push me away and that he will always be there for me. I think he is just as afraid as i am of what the future could hold for us but i choose to believe that it will all be ok. He's been getting Steve to attend work for him as he can't bare to see me in such a way which i don't blame him. He would be the same age as The Boss and he sees me like a grand-daughter too. I never asked for it but it just happened. This would be the first time he has seen me injured in such a manor. 

The first time i was claimed he was out of town on important business with The Boss that i didn't dare disturb them until they received the contract they headed out there for and by time they came home i was back in the house and recovering. I've often had nights where i have sat and wondered if they knew about the Claiming ritual i was to be up against and if that was the reason they went out of town so quickly but i found myself hating them for if it were true so instead i set aside the thought and forgot about it. I did all i could to hide my injuries but he sussed out something was wrong and i could no longer hide the truth from them. It wasn't until i seen the rage and fury on my Grandpa's face that i knew for certain he had no part in it. In that moment i dare say Grandpa was more than ready to go out there and find Ricki Golsman. 

With the Claiming ritual came the worst part of all, the day i found out it was successful. The day i found out i had his child growing inside of me. From that point on Grandpa grounded me and gave me a personal body guard for months for my protection. After the baby was born i did what i could to make sure it didn't have to live through a life of hell and although heart broken my grandpa may have been i think he understood why i did what i did and never held it against me. 

I've always understood his worry and concern but i do enjoy having my freedom, not that there is much of it these days. To be able to do what i want without a shadow following me like a lost puppy dog. Except this lost puppy dog was not lost or a puppy, he was a well trained killer. I was often inrigued about his line of work. What made him go down such a path in the first place but never believed it was my place to ask. I heard rumours of course that his family died at the hands of a powerful politician and this was what drove him to kill. When it comes to love i'd understand the reason. He wasn't cold but quiet. He wasn't soft but scowled. He didn't share no stories, in fact he would barely talk at all. I could tell by the look in his eyes he was haunted by the ghosts of his past. I know this because i've seen the same look many times in my own eyes.