~[] Statehumans: Unscripted! []~ [A Statehumans story collection by Mars]

Story 6: No shit states

America had just installed a new announcement system that the states could use to conduct state meetings. But some states found alternative uses, for example, yesterday was the 20th time that month Florida had blasted the Peppa Pig theme song on the system. And just a few hours ago, New York had blasted Hamilton songs on the system. Things were abso-fucking-lutely perfect. Georgia was the oldest state in the south, so he was constantly holding meetings to make sure everything was straighter than America's sexuality. (THAT WAS A JOKE and my cousin just fucked up everything I'm gonna send him a fucking warning) "Southern meeting in the meeting room right now!" Georgia announced on the system.

    About 5 minutes later, all of the southern states were sitting down at the table. (Holy shit we're over 100 reads-) "Ok, guys I wanna discuss-" Georgia was cut off by Minnesota yelling "GUYS DON'T TELL GEORGIA BUT WE'RE OUT OF PEACHES- pretend you didn't hear that Georgia." Minnesota knew he made a huge mistake. "WE'RE WHAT?!" Georgia screeched at the top of his lungs while Matt was eating a peach behind the screen you're reading this on. While Georgia was having a mental breakdown about his beloved peaches Minnesota was trying to call America. "What's up Minnesota?" America asked as answered the call through his car on the way to the store. "DAD GEORGIA IS HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN BECAUSE THERE'S NO PEACHES LEFT AND HAWAII IS TRYING NOT TO FLIP BECAUSE CALI IS PLAYING RIPTIDE ON HER UKULELE AND-" Minnesota was cut off by America calming him down. "Ok. I'll pick up some peaches, and ask Cali to teach you a dance, and make sure to get New York if she won't speak English, and maybe just give her some lemonade. Also, give Georgia his giant peach pillow and get someone to go out in a peach costume, supposedly Florida." Minnesota wrote everything down before saying "Ok. I'll put Alaska and New York to the Hawaii situation, and I'll get me and Florida on the Georgia situation." As he got everybody assigned to their roles, he went back upstairs to check on the Georgia situation. "How's it going?" He asked, peeking into the room. "You said you were gonna help us!" Florida said, clearly being aware of the script. "There are 50 people in this house, imbecile." He said while walking out. "Alright, let's get back to the meeting!" Georgia exclaimed before sitting down.

    After the meeting, and after Matt took Luna, the 8 week old Australian Shepard to use the bathroom outside, things went back to normal. Hawaii was playing on her ukulele, Pennsylvania was fighting with Delaware, New York was watching Hamilton on Disney+, Texas was shooting stuff outside, and Cali was crying that Tik Tok was getting banned. (Well, sucks to be you, Cali, I live in Canada. Also, I'm having a writing block and I really wanna get this story done this week and it's Wednesday ;-;) America burst through the front door holding all of the groceries they needed, including toilet paper. "Ok, I have peaches, potatoes, lemonade and the wonder what is toilet paper." A few of the states ran over to unpack the groceries he had bought. "Alright, looks like you got everything we needed," Pennsylvania said, checking the list. As America finished putting away the groceries, he heard something that was awfully familiar.

"YEE-HAW BITCHES!" Texas screamed, bolting across the house. "TEXAS I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DO THAT SHIT ONE MORE FUCKING TIME I WILL RIP YOUR BITCH-ASS  HEAD OFF!" Alaska yelled in her face. The whole house went silent. "You just yee-ed your last haw partner." Texas said, knowing that they were both in trouble. "Texas, calm down, Alaska, watch your mouth." America said, looking at the two. "But Texas swore too!" Alaska exclaimed. "Well ok, both of you need to watch your mouth and calm down." America said sternly before walking away. Then the noise kicked up again as America went outside to get more of the groceries he had bought. "ALRIGHT PARTNER! YOU GOT US BOTH IN TROUBLE BECAUSE WE BOTH SWORE EVEN THOUGH YOU USED MOSTLY SWEAR WORDS!" Texas said loudly. "WELL MAYBE YOUR YEE-HAW ASS CAN SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I REALLY TAKE YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!" Alaska lectured. "OH WOW?! YOU'RE TAKING ME BACK TO SCHOOL NOW?! YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE GOING BACK TO KINDERGARTEN!" Texas screamed in his face. "YOU SHOULD BE THE ONE GOING BACK TO FUCKING PRESCHOOL! I DON'T CARE IF YOU FAIL, YOU JUST NEED TO GAIN SOME ACTUAL FUCKING KNOWLEDGE BITCH!" Alaska was cut of by America yelling "GUYS! STOP FIGHTING OR THERE WILL BE CONSEQUENCES!" Every one stopped. "Good, now saw that you're sorry." America said before walking away. "Sorry imbecile." Texas said. "Sorry asshole." Alaska replied.

After that, (most of) the chaos had settled down. Most of the states were watching T.V, before New York stole it to watch Hamilton. It was about 10:00 when they heard a loud bang. "What was that?..." Asked Hawaii, who was half asleep. "Ok guys, be right back. Delaware said before rushing upstairs. She slowly crept through the 2nd floor until she found the source. She grabbed a broom and yelled "Freeze intruder!" Only to realize it was Florida being a crackhead and eating peanut butter straight from the jar."Want some?" He asked happily. "How did you make that loud noise?" She asked. "I was standing on that table when it broke, and I fell down." He explained while pointing to the table he had broken. "Alright." Delaware said before walking away. "What was it?" Alaska asked, somehow still aware what was happening, although he was drunk on vodka. "It was just Florida being an absolute crackhead," she said while putting her "weapon" (a.k.a the broom) away. She popped some popcorn before going back over to the couch, only for her siblings to eat the popcorn she popped for herself.

It was just a normal day it the Statehumans household.

What's up guys? So I made this story because I need to stay productive in my writing. I'm starting school again in September, so me writing a lot over the summer and when we were off because of COVID-19, will add up in when I'm writing stuff for school. But less about that shit and onto what I meant to talk about. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 100 READS! I wanna celebrate it with a special story. Here are the stories y'all can decide on! Idea 1. The axis breaks loose from wherever Countryhumans go when they die, and the states discover they have powers, so they use their powers they don't know how to use to take them down. Idea 2. A story where U.N. Agrees to watch the states for 2 weeks. And they get to learn what it's like to be a country, and it's gonna be dramatic. Anyway, you guys can choose. If nobody wants to choose, then I'll probably just do the second idea. But I do have more of an idea for the first story though. But anyway, y'all can choose if you'd like. Any way, until next time, Matt, signing off. Bye!

P.S. You have been blessed with wholesome pictures of Luna the Australian Shepard at the top of this story. Please use these pictures wisely.