Afraid

Ch. 10 - He's kind of beautiful

Hi ! Let me know what you think! Thanks.

****

Violet

I giggle to myself, feeling the cold, damp grass beneath me, "Leah, come lay with me!" I start making sloppy snow angels, loving the sensation against my flushed skin.

Leah hesitates, eyeing both Eleanor and I nervously but El stops her before she can even come to a decision, "No Violet, we're going home".

I sit up, holding myself up by my arms, "Why must you be such a buzzkill El?"

She glares at me, getting frustrated but otherwise doesn't respond.

I ignore her altogether, onto more important matters, "Phoenix, be a dear and pass me the bottle please?" I beg, struggling to hold myself up. My vision blurring a bit.

"Don't you dare", El threatens, shooting Phoenix an irritated glare. He flanks back immediately, wide eyed, "Um, I prefer to live so no can do Violet".

I huff, laying back down, "Buzzkills, all of you!" I start watching the stars shining bright above me, illuminating the night sky. My eye lids drooping as my body sinks deeper into the ground. My pulse slowing down as I succumb to the heaviness, pulling me under. I can hear Eleanor sharing her worries about me to Leah like a distant murmur buzzing around me. But I'm too intoxicated to care about what she's saying. My mind preoccupied, entranced by the stars floating above me. Another giggle escapes me as a droopy smile encases my face. I wiggle my fingers and toes, enjoying the tingling, fuzzy sensation that washes over me. Simply reaffirming how absolutely numb I feel right now. I am light as a feather and nothing can hurt me. I surrender and choose to rejoice in this feeling for as long as I can.

I continue admiring the stars above me. My blurry vision making them appear bigger, brighter, and oh so near. Parts of the night sky also overcast by murky, grey puffs of cloud as some try to overshadow the brightness of the stars. And I can't help but be reminded of Sebastián's stormy, grey eyes. Like two shining stars swimming in the depths of brilliant grey.

Wait, what the fuck am I saying? I immediately scold myself for thinking of Sebastián. But even so, I still can't bring myself to regret my drunken admiration. At least, my admiration for his eyes. Only his eyes. I'm just a girl platonically appreciating a friend's eye color. No harm in that. Not at all. I try and fail to convince myself.

"What the hell is going on here? Is she okay?", Sebastián's voice booms throughout the night sky, shocking me into a panic.

Holy fuck! He heard me! When did he get here? How does he always seem to pop up when I'm thinking of him? Not that I think about him a lot or even at all, because I don't. Not one bit. Except for right now but that's the stars fault. All their fault. A completely mesmerizing, sparkly trap.

I freeze and close my eyes, willing myself to blend in with the lawn. Maybe if I'm still, he won't see me, right? Seems pretty logical to me.

"Violet?"

Oh no. He sees me. I keep my eyes tightly closed and try to take slow, deep breaths, feigning sleep.

Sorry the person you are trying to reach is currently unavailable. Please try again later.

I repeat this in my head like a mantra, waiting for him to disappear. But just as my many other full proof plans, this one fails as well.