Afraid

Ch. 1 - Small dick energy

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Violet

September 14, 2020

The loud, stormy rain erupting through the beautiful Seattle, Washington skies woke me up once again for my first day of my last year of high school. And as much as I loathe the fact that I have to get up for school right now, I can't help the tiny smile that appears on my face as my little chihuahua terrier mix, Olive, runs and crashes onto my bed, planting herself right on my chest in order to lick every part of my face.

This was our morning routine every day and I wouldn't change anything about it.

After Olive is satisfied with her cleansing of my face, I get myself up from my white, soft comforted bed and get ready for the day.

Olive watches closely from my bed, her big brown 'precious moments' eyes following my every move, waiting until it's time for her morning walk. I quickly rush over to the en-suite bathroom to wash my face, brush my teeth, complete my 15 step skin care routine, and dress myself in my pre-chosen outfit of the day which consisted of navy track pants, a grey loose scoop neck crop top, my black docs, and a slightly oversized lilac hoodie. It eases my anxiety having my outfits already picked out for the week so I try my best to organize my closet and do this every chance I get.

I also grab my make up bag, swiftly use my brow pencil to brush my brows into place and apply some concealer to my under eyes. Once I'm done, I grab a scrunchie from my dresser, and tie my hair in a low ponytail. I have a lot of hair and it gets annoying having it all over my face all day, tickling me every so often. It's a blessing and a curse.

I walk over to my bedroom door, letting Olive out. She doesn't waste a second as she zooms right out, running down the stairs, as fast as her tiny legs will take her, to the front door because she knows it's time.

I laugh as I watch her overexcited little body shake in anticipation. I grab her leash and vest harness from the hook in the hall closet and put it on her, before putting on my raincoat to go outside.

As I go to open the front door, I see the same note I've seen every day since I moved in with my aunt Jade, taped to the door. She doesn't bother changing it so the paper has since faded and aged. But it's not like there's anything new she needs to add anyways so why bother changing it. And I stopped hoping for an updated note a long time ago.

The note:

Violet,

I'll be working late at the office so use the debit card I gave you to feed yourself. You can also use the card for whatever you want. I don't care.

Stay alive,
Jade

I remember when I first read the note 9 years ago, I thought it was a joke. I mean it had to be. But after a couple of days had passed and I had yet to see my aunt, I began to realize that this was going to be my new normal and I just had to deal with it.

Nothing's changed since then, Jade's still a workaholic lawyer and I'm still a depressed fuck up who's probably going to die alone before I hit 25. But I've learned to accept it all. My mental health diagnosis and Jade's never changing cold demeanor. Sometimes I wonder why she even agreed to take me in. I mean, I know she loved my mother, my brother, and even me once upon a time but it's hard to remember that sometimes when you know that the one family member you have left in this world is avoiding you at all costs. We live under the same fucking roof and I maybe get a peek of her about once or twice a month if I'm lucky. If she does come home, it's almost always in the middle of the night when I'm already asleep and she's always gone before I wake up.