Afraid

Ch. 12 - I regret everything

Our girl is about to realize the truth! Please vote, comment, enjoy.

TW- Panic Attack scene (kind of in detail)

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Violet

I arrive at my favorite coffee shop, the lil bean, and rush straight for the restroom, in the back of the shop. Politely shoving past the small crowds of people standing around, waiting for their order. I swear one day my bladder will be the end of me.

After relieving myself, I get in line to order. Already knowing what I'm going to get, I don't bother reviewing the chalk menu board. I glance around, arm wrapped around my torso as I breathe through my cramps. Feeling a bit lightheaded now that there's been some time without any food in my system. As a distraction, I mess with my phone. Mostly for anxiety reasons, needing something to do with my nervous hands. Even though I have no real notifications, just spam emails that could easily be ignored. But I scroll through them anyway, deleting them as I go.

Soon enough, it's my turn to order. I muster a close lipped smile at the barista and order 2 vegan breakfast burritos and almond milk lattes to go for Eleanor and I. They make the best fucking vegan breakfast burritos here, using soyrizo, potatoes, imitation egg, and sautéed veggies. I thank her, grab my receipt, and move aside to wait for my order.

I lean back against the dark wood bar top, watching the people around me as they go about their day—checking their phones, conversing animatedly with their friends, or sitting around enjoying their meals. It's honestly peculiar how we randomly find ourselves living in the same moment as others. Passing through each other's lives and never learning a single thing about the other. We don't even bother to stop to acknowledge each other, let alone recognize the moment. This one singular moment where we exist in the same time frame as each other, and then before we know it, it's gone forever. Leaving us with nothing but a blurred image, reminding us something was there to begin with. It's all so fucking weird to think about. The fucking mysteries of existence.

I'm about to give up on people-watching and fish through my bag for my headphones when I notice a familiar head of thick, chocolate waves. I falter; it can't be, right? I peer over the crowd, hoping my eyes are deceiving me. But there he is, sitting at a table with his brother, Phoenix, eating breakfast. Fuck, seriously! Seriously!? Out of all places, they have to be here!? Right now!? Oh god, I cannot deal with this right now. Flashes of blurry stars and silver eyes start intruding my brain once again, frustrating me even further. Not knowing if they're real, a dream, or just an untrustworthy figment of my imagination. I burry my face in my hands, in distress. Hiding behind the crowd of people, on the other side of the bar, hoping they won't see me. Or more likely Phoenix, since he's facing my direction. But I should be able to avoid them, hopefully.

I keep glancing in their direction, keeping tabs on their movements as I fidget nervously in place. My fingers rapping against the bar top in anticipation for my order. I just need to get my food and then I can make a run for it. Quick and efficient.

I watch as they talk amongst themselves—smiling and laughing as they scarf down their food. The sun shining through the large plate glass window, directly absorbing their table. Surrounding them like a halo. Just two angelic boys enjoying their day. Or men, I guess I should say. My eyes subconsciously following Sebastián's muscular arm as he pushes his hair back, away from his face. My gaze continuing its trail down to his broad shoulders and to the planes of his strong back. Easily distinguishable through his white t-shirt. I can almost feel those arms wrapped around me like a ghost of a memory I can't exactly pinpoint. It's incredibly disconcerting.