Omnia Vincit Amor

XLVIII.

"Acceptissima semper munera sunt, auctor quae pretiosa facit." -Ovid

Those gifts are always the most acceptable which our love for the donor makes precious.

"Eddy?" Brett asked softly as he held a book in his hands.

"Yes, my lover?" Eddy asked as he did not look up from what he was doing.

"I have something for you..." Brett said, handing Eddy the book.

Eddy took the book and examined it. It looked like a very regular novel, nothing out of the ordinary. Eddy opened the book and saw its title.

"What is this, love?"

"When I first went to Vienna, I was destined there to be a soloist. Though, I had the opportunity to work on a novel under the pseudonym Edward Franz... A tribute to you and Franz." 

"How come you never told me about this until now?" Eddy asked, looking at his lover with much admiration.

"I do not like what I was going through the moment I wrote the book, but I want to show you now... I want you to understand what I truly feel about you during our years apart." Brett said, grabbing Eddy's hand and kissing it.

"Love, you know that I do not need to. I know how much you love me..." Eddy said, fingers running across the book's spine.

"I know, dear. I just want you to see it with more depth... Sometimes, my actions are not enough so I want to give you this physical reminder." Brett muttered, kissing Eddy lightly on the lips.

"Brett..." Eddy said in a whisper when Brett pulled away.

"Just read it, lovely... I will be by your side." Brett said as Eddy opened the book.

- - - - -

I once held a love closer than I could have ever did. He looks at me as though I am the most beautiful human that had ever graced my life. I look at him as if the stars had placed everything in my very own sight, guiding me towards his force.

Have you ever felt that gracious and generous emotion? The rawness of it and how open and enormous the feeling is. I cannot deny the fact that it is love.

So, the moment he looked at me with those brown eyes and those lips that held me captive, I decide to never give it up. I decide to take it all in but I never once thought that I would lose him or he would lose me. It seemed too far off, too much distance between our present now and the possibility of us parting.

I take him in my arms and I feel his warmth engulf me. I am insatiable for his love. He could deprive me of his touches and I would not stop loving him. For my love how's further than physicality. I only want him for the companionship and the feeling.

- - - - -

He calls out my name differently from the others. He speaks mine as though it will be his last word. He speaks my name as though he owns me. I am not an object of his, but I am his and his alone.

I do not mind if he leaves me or if he does not love me enough. I will love him for both of us. I will be enough and so will he. I know it, I have faith in us and I will never let go.

That is my promise to him.

- - - - -

I felt my entire world fall apart the moment he had told me that he was engaged to another woman. It broke me more than I had anticipated. Still, I kept my composure and allowed him to see a braver and stronger side of me. Can you believe that even if your love is stronger than any other force, it will still be torn down?

How could I have not seen it? It should have been clear that I am not his first choice. I am not anyone's first choice, so why did I expect so much for him? Why did I fall for his trickery? It felt so real for a moment, no one could fake a love like that.

Was he that good of an actor or was I an unobservant spectator? Was it a delusion, me being the love of his heart? Was I fool to believe in him or was he the best deceiver? Right now, I cannot tell.

This is sick. Imagine being able to stomach the fact that you stringed someone along... It hurts my entirety, he opened my heart with his dagger like stares only to pour salt and alcohol on the open wound. This is pure affliction.

But the sicker thing?

I still love the man with the heart that he had obliterated. I still love the man with the entirety that he had hurt. I still love the man that never loved me back...

- - - - -

Everyone I had come across to had told me about how much he does not deserve me. My sick mind keeps on telling me that I am the one who did not deserve him. Even if he was the one who had done me wrong.

I got no explanation or apologies, yet I forgive him with the heart that he had broken. I know that it is not right, but what can I do? They are speaking badly about the man that I love...

Are we not supposed to do that? Defend the love of our life when they are not there to defend themselves. Maybe I have got it all wrong. They all tell me that this type of martyrdom is the deadliest because it is directed to my heart.

Martyrdom or not, he is someone I hold so close to me. The man may had never loved me but I still have the memories of his lies engraved in my mind. They get through me through the night, mostly when it is cold and I am alone.

- - - - -

I had learned to live without his presence beside me. It does not hurt as much as it used to because I had accepted that everything from before was a lie. I went back home and buried my father.

He was there, he looked more mature and happier. The woman of his dreams, serving as comfort as I stood there alone. I do not mind. He looked very happy with her. It was not a painful sight but something in my chest was hurting.

I was missing a companionship like that. I did not have a partner because I was stuck on him. Maybe this is the sign that I should let him go. He was already happy with her anyway.

- - - - -

I have accepted my place in his life. I am nothing but just someone that he once knew. It is fine. I have let go of the possibility that we will ever be together.

It is true that love conquers all things.

If it is for yourself. The moment you realize that you have to love yourself wholly, it conquers every trouble you have. I have never felt any freer than anywhere else but here.

- - - - -

"Brett... Brett..." Eddy cried.

"I am here, my love. Do not cry, beloved..." Brett coaxed, rubbing Eddy's back to comfort him.

"I n-never knew! I feel h-horrible..." Eddy cried, shaking hands found themselves on Brett's back.

"Beloved, it is behind us now... It does not matter what we did before or what will do. I love you now. I live for you now... I always have, always do and always will." Brett said, holding Eddy tighter.

Eddy's breathing had calmed a little bit and Brett have him clean water to drink. Eddy still rested his forehead on Brett's shoulder after he had drank. When Eddy was calm enough to talk, he looked at Brett and kissed him deeply.

"I love you, too. I live for you and I never will stop. Thank you for loving me and for always finding me. In our next life, if you ask me to marry, I will not think twice. I will say yes." Eddy said after pulling away from the kiss he initiated.

Their foreheads rest against each other as their left hands touch other's chest, right next to where their heart beat lies. Brett smiled as he remembered every bitter and sweet memory coursing through him. It does not matter how much pain he went through. That is already over.

Eddy lamented on his mistakes, ones that he cannot change now. He feels guilty but Brett in his arms, saying gentle words of love. It soothes the burning guilt that sits deeply on his chest.

It is true that they love each other, there was no doubt or bounds. They were there now and nothing else should matter.