Omnia Vincit Amor

XXII.

"Dulce periculum." -Unknown

Danger is sweet.

It was as if in a blink of an eye, it was already June. Both men were back at the conservatory and Eddy was just glad that Brett was still his professor and private tutor for his violin performance.

They resumed to their regular classes where they had boundaries on being just student and teacher versus them being lovers. It was quite hard to keep their relationship but it will be the best for them and their reputation. After all, their love was illegal for their time.

So, the moment that the class ended, Eddy stayed. Like he always did before and it is true that some things never change. The moment that they were alone, the younger kissed the older man's cheek. Eddy blushed as Brett caressed his cheek.

"Lovely, I know... I miss you too dearly but we have to be more cautious next time. I love you..." Brett whispered around them.

"I know... Forgive me for I have missed you a lot..." Eddy said, looking down at Brett through his lashes. He looked much more innocent than he really was and Brett wanted to taint that again.

Brett smirked and stood up on his tippy toes and kissed Eddy completely on his soft, soft lips. Eddy was a blushing pink the moment that they pulled away. It was a quick touch but it make Eddy's veins filled with electric shock. The thrill of danger and the possibility of being caught, it was allowing adrenaline to rush through his system.

He was not one to partake in public display of affection, but it was different with Brett. Even though the world was strongly against it, Eddy wanted to show the world that Brett Yang was his and he is as Brett Yang's. He did not know where this urge came from but he need not to know.

Eddy needed to sit down for his knees were weakened by the abrupt action by Brett. He was not complaining but Brett could use that as his leverage. He need not care and he could not find it. He was with Brett and that was enough.

"I thought you said be careful..." Eddy said, fingertips playing with the skin of the back of his hand.

"I am careful, there is something liberating and strengthening in kissing you in this very classroom..." Brett admitted as he licked his lips. He goes nearer to Eddy and licked the outer shell of the younger's ear and whispered.

"Danger is quite sweet, is it not, my darling?"

Eddy slightly whimpered, sensations over powering his rational mind. Yet, he knew their limitations and where they should place their affectations. Still, Eddy was weak. He was holding on to Brett but he does not let him know. This was enough.

"Speak, honey. Are you alright?" Brett asked, voice laced with half seduction and half concern.

"I am... I just love you, you know?" Eddy said, bravely looking up at his significant other.

"I am glad I am not the only one..." Their hands intertwined. "Otherwise this would be an awkward relationship." Both laughed lightly and allowed themselves to untangle their hands, now focusing in their works.

Eddy stood up and grabbed his violin. Worked on his scales, ran through his repertoire and stretch his limbs after hours of practice, he saw the sun about to set. He needs to go home.

Eddy saw how Brett was practicing. The last few lights from the sun was seeping through the window and his skin. It was a sight to behold and Eddy was glad that it was only reserved for him. It was the beauty of loving; seeing both the perfect and imperfections.

Treating your lover as the mere human they are, not the god you ones thought they were. It was a nice change among them. Brett was not aware of how Eddy looked at him as if he is the only one. (He is. He knows it. He cannot deny it at this moment.)

Brett slowly looked up at him and Eddy's heart was racing. He could never figure out how Brett manages to do that every single time but he does not need to know. Because in his heart he knows, he knows exactly what drawn him to Brett.

Brett smiled as they both walked out of the conservatory side by side. Hands placed on their violin cases, just to avoid the urge of feeling each other's skin. Eddy's house is nearer so Brett comes home with him before going back to his home.

Nothing else needed to be spoken in that moment. They knew and truth be told, maybe this is beyond love now. Maybe this is commitment now, or something deeper than love. It was not just for the thrill of physicality because frankly they could both be complete without it. It was just an added part of their affections but they still love each other without it.

Brett walked alone in the night, stars shimmering above him and the moon was glowing. He felt happy, he felt complete and nothing could ruin that. He was just elated and contented. He did not need anything more but if he was given more, he will not refuse. He was in love and no one could stop him from falling even deeper. Not that it bothered him, it did not.

In fact, he was quite proud of the fact that his lover was Eddy Chen.

The night was beautiful and both men had their lovers in their minds. Their beds and its warmth will act as a poor substitute of a body that they long for. It did not matter, they will be haunting each other's dreams. They will see a life wherein they're free to love and free to be whoever they want to be.

It may not happen now, but both kept a promise. The moment that they meet in their next lifetimes, they will be together without restrictions.

June 17, 1861

I always use the excuse that I am doing something of great importance when I am tasked for a favor that I cannot nor want to do.

It is a half-truth, though. Most of the time, my headspace is filled with the thought of him without even distracting or taking away my focus from a task that I am doing. It sounds complicated but it is not. Maybe I have just gotten used to separating my heart and my mind if I need to do an endeavor.

Honey, he is constantly in my heart that he might become a part of me soon. No need to fret, though. I do not ask him of anything but a smile. It is foreign to him and to me but I need not anything but the image of his smile engraved in the back of my head.

I just want to be able to play the picturesque sight over and over again until I can replace it with something new. I may seem like I am stalling but how could he blame me if I want to know every part of him? I am ready to accept and to give in to his everything, no matter how ugly or unusual.

Seeing him and looking through him are two different things. Seeing him is simply physical, observing how he smiles, how he dresses, what he did with his luscious hair, the color of his pinkish lips, the bags under his eyes so hazel, it is all shallow. Just what is visible to the eye, not looking with much more depth and understanding. Looking through him is far different.

It is much more complex. I see more of him. The way his eyes light up at the mention of my name, the way his voice never quavers when he is nervous but his knees are visibly shaking, the way he walks when he is purposefully watching something, how all that changes when he is in love. Everyone changes when they are in love.

Honey, I am one of those people.

They always ask about my muse. I do not have the heart to shout his name for the rooftops or even whisper it to the wind. It seems as though allowing his name to spill from my lips will take him away from me. I have always had him in the first place.

I do not know how but no matter how much he might hurt me, I will still let him come back to my arms. I still let myself be his home when he got too lost. Always the savior and never been saved, they would always tell me. I put on that front even if I could feel my chest constrict as the water levels rise. I am drowning in him but I do not expect him rescue me.

I will not be his burden but rather his rest. He could come to me as a sanctuary anytime.