Professor Why's Academy for Extraordinary Youngsters

Villainy 102

They sent a mind reader? That was unexpected, and quite frankly, disturbing. I don't know how much they knew about me, but letting him get into Ivan's mind was a risk I was not willing to take. His usual annoying smug grin had subsided somewhat, which was a great relief as I lead him down the halls. Anywhere outside the gaze of that asymmetrical mind reader was fantastic, and we happened to have a lead lined bunker below the school.

"So... where are we going?" Ivan asked.

"To the bunker." I replied.

"Terrible place for a first date." Ivan responded. The grin I hated so much returned.

We walked into the science lab, as always. And as always, there were chemicals laid out on a table in a neat row for some absolutely ridiculous entrance password, and the difficulty had been increased. They were all completely clear. We did not have time. I pulled the vial on the shelf, the secret eye slit opened, and I poured a chemical into it.

"GAAAAAAAH!" sounded a very satisfying scream from the other end.

"Open up, Gecko. The entire mission is at risk." I replied.

"You threw dihydrogen monoxide all over my nice lab coat, you disgrace to science!" Gecko screamed.

I looked back. The other two chemicals would have been way more fun. The door creaked open, and a naked Gecko was busy wringing his tiny lab coat out.

"That's right. Get a good look." He said, glaring at me. "It's all natural... AND COMPLETELY YOUR FAULT!"

I didn't really pity him.

Once we got inside, Ivan's confidence swelled back up to his usual enormous. In a handshake, there is a very specific "forbidden maneuver" where you tickle a person's wrist with your pointer and middle finger. Villains learn it in our earliest stages of training, as it causes immense discomfort. Naturally, Ivan knew it and used it, and I wrenched my hand back to save myself from the weird feeling of fingers tickling the veins on my wrist. It seriously sends shivers down your spine, and only a true evil villain would casually use that to make someone let go. Ivan did it without any hesitation, and I trembled beneath his villainy, and the weird tingle up my spine that getting unexpectedly tickled in the wrist causes.

Ivan was different around the other villains. Around me, he was his usual snarky self, but around them, he had a... presence. I watched Ivan's hands form tight fists in the long hallway to the main room, but that was the closest thing to a sign of humanity I got from him. The moment Ivan entered the room, you could feel the fear in the air, read it on people's faces. His smile stretched even further. Crash approached him first, harpoon drawn.

"Why are you here?" he asked, hair flying backwards like a storm was approaching.

"To see your beautiful face." Ivan said. He took a step forward. Crash took a step back. Ivan grabbed the harpoon, moved it gently out of the way, and walked up to Crash as if it was just another normal interaction. "Point that spear at me again, and it'll be... less so." Ivan yanked the harpoon out of Crash's hands. The tattoos began to form. "Cute toy." He said, then tossed it away. The tattoos faded away. Crash scrambled for the harpoon on the ground.

"How about the disappointments?" Ivan asked.

"Sonya broke them out of prison. We're still on track with the plan." I replied.

"May I see them?" Ivan asked, gently as a person could. I snapped my fingers and Crash rushed off to get them. They appeared, absolutely quaking.

"Hey! Clement and Redd! My old pals!" Ivan said, walking over to them and giving them each a handshake.

"H-hello sir." They replied.

"You've been through a lot lately... what with the imprisonment, the escape... and of course..."

Ivan kicked Redd in the crotch. Hard. Our Redneck goon collapsed to the ground in pain.

"Threatening the life of an academy student." Ivan said, glaring over him, face stretching smile still very much intact. He put his foot on Redd's head. "I believed we had a deal. All previously tested or otherwise useless students were safe on the boat, right?"

"Yessir we did sir I'm so sorry sir sir!" Redd stuttered.

"You said sir twice. You're pretty nervous, huh?" Ivan asked, innocently as ever.

"Yessir sir!" Redd replied.

"You're a pretty funny guy, you know that?" Ivan said, removing his foot. "I'm glad you see the value of human life now, of all times." He kicked Redd in the face once more for good measure. Redd tumbled across the ground. "Follow the plan, idiot. Were you trying to rob the boat or something?"

Redd didn't answer. Ivan lurched forward at him and Redd curled into a tighter ball.

"Maybe I'll crumple you into a ball myself if you disobey orders again." Ivan said, spitting on Redd as he walked away.

The central room of the villain chamber held one padded seat, directly in the center. All eyes watched as he casually plodded over and sat down. "I'm going to be here. Just for a day or so. Any objections?"

The silence was deafening.

"Alright. October, would you mind letting me know when the coast is clear? It's pretty dreary around here." Ivan said, reclining in his chair.

"No, sir!" I replied.

"Ivan stood up from the chair. Black mist began to swirl around the area, as if summoned from some other plane of existence entirely.

"As in "No, I do not mind letting you know when the coast is clear!" Sir!" I stuttered.

"Oh. Crap. Oops. Sorry. This is why I need to get back to school ASAP." Ivan laughed. "Good luck up there, and thanks for the save." Ivan said, kicking back in the chair. The black mist vanished as quickly as it arrived.

People above wonder why I dislike a lot of people. They wonder why I hang around with the weaklings, and they wonder why I hate Ivan most of all. I can't help but wonder how they don't notice.