Professor Why's Academy for Extraordinary Youngsters

Heroics 107: Prerequisite Secondary Powers

While the villains sat in their lair plotting and scheming how to deal with their "complication", we had a complication of our own. A short blonde sarcastic complication named Ivan. We were all given an opportunity to choose a location to go in Fairbanks for our day on the town. Naturally, we picked locations suited for our continued growth as heroes.

Naturally, Ivan got first pick, and also naturally, he picked some random community college. He wanted to go on a campus tour, which was... not our first pick. We were in essentially a superhero apprenticeship program in our school, so it's not like any of us actually planned to go to college. It was from here, straight onto hero work. Our destinies had been chosen for us, and we were all excited!

We stepped into a small office on the side of campus, where a chubby woman named Cheryl greeted us. She had to have been upwards of fifty years old, but with heavy eye makeup, hair dyed bright red with wild white strands sticking out at the base, and impressively decorated fake fingernails. I watch as she carefully tapped her phone, delicately avoiding letting any damage befall her meticulously done nails. Upon closer inspection, her thumbnails had pictures of cats on them and her fingernails read "catlov4r". I assume the 4 was there to represent her love for cell phone games. The sounds of birds and pigs at war were deafening.

Allycard tried to introduce herself to begin the tour, but Cheryl held up one finger as if she was suggesting that we wait. Allycard, being a servant of the people, quietly waited. Now that I think about it, I don't think she was even allowed into places unless there was a standing invitation for her to enter. She must have called in advance. In walked a college student, absolutely reeking of pot, bag of potato chips in hand.

"Are all American universities like this?" Situ asked. "I got a different impression from movies."

"Only the great ones." Ivan said, reaching out to shake the guy's hand. "I'm Ivan, good sir. And what would your name be?"

"Dude. You sound super foreign. Nobody calls nobody sir!" Replied the somewhat inebriated student.

"Did you hear that?" Ivan asked us. "Nobody calls nobody sir. A poet of his time."

"Nah. It's Pete. You were close though. I'm a Pete of my time." Replied the acne-pocked college student. He had something resembling facial hair, but it was too thin and patchy to really be called anything decent. He wore a hockey jersey with the number "420" on it. "What do you want, bossman?" he asked the woman at the desk.

"Take these potential students around campus. I'm too busy with paperwork." Cheryl replied, not at all hiding the sounds of the greatest towers swine could make collapsing to the ground.

We were shown around to all the sights. There were substandard classrooms, an area under the bleachers where Pete assured us you could totally get weed for cheap and disgusting lunches. All the while, Ivan walked in the front asking questions with increasingly disappointing answers. One that Pete refused to answer was "how many of your alumni move on to extraordinary or high paying jobs?" and Ivan honestly seemed happy about the answer. Allycard withdrew into the shade as we walked. Being a vampire has its perks, but working in the daytime is definitely a hassle.

Situ headed off to the subpar campus library, and me and Ivan sat down for a subpar campus lunch. We got a shockingly greasy tray filled with several different kinds of mashed food paste, and sat down with a fork and knife (because they were out of spoons) to sort this out. As Ivan struggled to get something that almost resembled meat onto his fork, he looked up to me with a smile beaming on his face.