Inverted Paradox

Falling

"I don't know how you keep convincing me to do this."

"Just my charm I guess."

"Get over yourself." She said, lightly pushing me.

I laughed.

"Whatever you say Rae."

That was last week. I smiled at the memory. Wishing that I could go back just for a moment.

Things were perfect.

I was happy.

Now I'm falling. Falling into the depths of my despair.

Everytime I see her it all comes rushing back.

I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Keep fighting.

The others know something's up. It's only a matter of time before they figure it out.

At least now they're giving me space.

They went on a mission today.

I told them I wasn't up for it.

They agreed, but once again their faces told another story.

***

The door to the roof opened. Which was strange. The others shouldn't be back yet.

I stared out into the distance, not even bothering to look.

"Garfield Logan. I need to talk to you."

"Now!"

"Are you even listening to me?"

I knew exactly who it was I knew I wasn't ready to face her, so I refused to even look at her.

She sat down next to me.

"Are you even listening to me."

She turned my head with her hands. I was forced to look at her.

She sighed.

I can't do this right now.

"You haven't been yourself lately."

If only you knew.

She never stopped staring at me. Even when I didn't respond.

"I'm worried about you. You need help... Let me help you."

"I don't want to lose you too." I wispered, hoping she didn't hear me. It just kinda came out.

"I can help. Just let me in." Her voice cracked when she said this.

But how could I tell her.

Part of me wanted to.

But I couldn't.

She wouldn't understand.

"There's nothing you can do."

"If you could just trust me." I could tell she was getting frustrated now.

"No!"

She flinched back and looked down.

Why did I do that?

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. I understand." She smiled, but I could tell it was forced. I could tell it took a lot of strength for her to even meet my eyes.

She got up and started walked away.

"Wait!"

She was at the door, reaching for the handle.

She turned around, biting her lip. A look I knew only too well.

"I'll tell you, just not right now."

My heart pounded. The thought of telling her sent anxiety through me.

But I have to.

"Okay." She said in barley more than a whisper.

"Take your time. I won't rush you."

She wrapped her arms around me from behind.

I sighed in relief.

Letting her warmth consume me.

Trying to let go.

Relax.

It's been so long since I slept.

With her arms still wrapped around me protectively, I let my guard down.

I felt safe.

After sitting there for who knows how long I managed to drift off.