Mysterious Notebook

saturday

After Rebecca and Joanna left me alone to my misery in the canteen, I couldnt sit there anymore. I gulped down the rest of my sandwich and got out.

I knew mom would be in C-164 now, probably listening to the complaint against me. I crossed the hall and walked towards the exit, wanting to visit the park again but midway from the hall I decided to take my bagpack along.

I retraced my footsteps back to my locker. Another sight greeted me there.

Written across my locker in black marker were profanities and other comments. It wasnt the first time that my locker became the sketchboard for the snotty people. But I never could get used to it.

Everytime I saw it, I felt sad and embarassed. If only I could get away from this Uni. Away from this very town. I was sick of all these pretentious bitches.

A raw emotion started gnawing me internally. For the first time, anger gripped my insides as my eyes went over the remarks and I tasted blood on biting my cheeks too hard.

This was the last straw.

I opened my locker and took out a whitening ink.

I would better be alone with my own thoughts and daydreams than have 'friends' who knew nothing about friendship. Who didnt care about my feelings. Who only made me the butt of their joke for their selfish pleasures. Who conveniently overlooked my emotions so that they could have fun at my expense. Who took my help as granted.

I had read many self help books before but they were all shit. Forgiving and forgetting helps sometimes, but not always. Not everyone. At times, one just needs to stand up and take a stance.

As I clenched the whitening ink in my fist, this I knew, alone or whatever I didnt need fake people as companions in my life. I was not going to let others trod upon me. No.. not anymore.

Even though a few hot tears escaped  my eyes and travelled down to gather at my chin, I continued using the white ink to scribble a line on my locker. I didnt stop to wipe my tears. I didnt stop at all.

It was in bold letters.

EVEN WHEN YOU TRY TO BREAK ME, I WILL STILL SMILE. ;)

I made a winking smiley at the end of the line to make it annoyingly cheesy.

I took a step back and reread the line I had written and smiled.

One thing was sure, I have to change myself.

I took my bagpack and slammed the locker checking if the lock was in place, before leaving.

I went directly to the bench in the park and flopped down.

I sat there and thought about all the three years of highschool and then Uni over here in this town.

I recalled about the various times when I took the punishment for producing a project which was apparently copied and a replication of somebody else' work when in reality the snobbish people copied my project without informing me or giving me a chance to explain myself in front of the Dean.

That has to stop.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and took out my brown diary.

I opened a fresh page and hovered my pen over it wondering where to begin.

After sometime I started doodling on it.