1st of April.
"Australian band, 5 Seconds of Summer, seem to be the new kids on the block this month. After One Direction's well-known member, Louis Thomlinson discovered them on YouTube last year, their mark on teenage girls world wide is becoming more and more evident. With the realease of their new song "Wherever You Are", more and more fans are hitting their YouTube channel and tuning into their regular Twitcam's. The band's very own, Luke Hemmings, said "We are so excited about the responce we've been getting and hope that in the future we'll achieve more."
The television clicked off. It was like the power died and it just decided it would die too. My eyebrows furrowed while I looked at in confusion.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, Rhiley." I froze in place, my hands clutching together in my lap. "I know you miss him and I know what he did was shit, but you have to go out into the world again and at least try to live your life." The sound of my Mother's voice echoed inside my mind for a moment. I knew she was right. She always was. But I wished she wasn't.
"I know, but I don't want to." I whispered. The sound of her putting the black remote down on the small coffee table that we kept in the middle of our two large, brown couches seemed so loud that it almost hurt. Her perfume drifted up my nose and I let it take over my mind for a moment, take away the thoughts that constantly raced through my mind.
"Rhiley, you loved him, I know. And he hurt you badly. But, one day you're going to have to lock the pain away and decide that it's time you gave everyone else a go." My Mother's voice soothed me. As it always had. She always knew just what to say to make everything better. But I felt her words were coming too soon. I hadn't had enough time to hurt, to hate him, to love him.
"I know that, Mum. But I just need some time. It's really only been 2 months since he left and I don't want to know what it's like without him." My words were rushed, and quiet. The sound was wrong. I didn't want to have to say those words. I never did.
"Sweetie, that's understandable. But it's been 3 months. You've been holed up in this house for longer than you think and you're losing weight. I'm worried about you." For a while I thought I was doing better. I thought that maybe I was getting over the fact that Luke had decided that a band was more important than anything we'd ever had. But, then I realised that I would probably never be over it. That was when I really stopped eating. I didn't talk to anyone for days. I was scared of living on my own once again and not being able to be anywhere near the person I still loved with everything I am.
"Have any of them called?" I whispered. My Mother was beside me now, bent down on her knees, her arms lightly draped over my shoulders. I could almost hear the answer as her head dropped and her balance faultered.
"Give them time. You're not the only one who has to go through this break up. They've lost a friend and having to deal with another who is probably barely able to get out of bed everyday." She was wrong. I knew she was, because I watched him every day step off that bus with his hair styled and a smile on his face. He was ok. As far as I was concerned, he didn't care.
"You're wrong you know." I looked up at her. Her piercing blue eyes staring into mine with confusion. Her long blonde hair fell over the side of her face and dangled limply over her shoulder. Small red roses sat motionless in the stiny holes that were punctured in her ears. Red lipstick stained her almost perfect lips. "He's fine. He gets up everyday. He smiles. He laughes. He forgets about what he did to me. Does he even care?" I asked her, looking into her eyes once again. Pain began to furrow her brows, make her eyes water slightly.
"Of course he does, sweetie. He always has. Ever since he met you, I always knew that he felt something for you. And I have no doubt in my mind that he cares. Michael told me that he's been coping, but never really very well. He can put on a facade, smile for the cameras and laugh at a joke, but deep within that wild mind of his, he cares more than you could possibly know. Losing you probably killed him like it's killing you." I turned to her then, a tear falling from my right eye. A painful knot was swelling up into my mouth.
