8th of June.
Rhi,
I walked by a girl today. She looked almost exactly like you; same eyes, same hair, same height. For a moment, I let myself get lost in the hope that maybe it really actually was you. But then I looked at her lips, her skin, the way she held herself. I mean I really looked. I had to. The similarity was almost heart breaking. But she wasn't you. Her lips were wrong; too small and not red enough, her skin was too clear; there were no freckles, no chicken pox marks. Realizing it wasn't you caused me so much physical pain I had to bite back a scream. I'm doing everything in my power to not get on a plane right this fucking second and come and knock on your door.
We played a show to over 20,000 people last night. People screamed our names, sang along to the music we played. I think Calum actually had tears in his eyes when we played our first song. They knew all the words. Every. Single. One. It's funny to think that once upon a time, people thought we were weird because of our band, but now. Now we play shows to packed out arenas and people cry and go crazy over us just breathing. I wish you could've seen it. You would've been proud, baby. Proud of me.
Somehow, I've been okay lately. To be honest, for once I didn't think about all the pain I caused you. And I'm sorry about that. I don't want to forget what happened because maybe then I would start to forget you. But I won't, cause Im gonna come see you soon. I need to. I need to wrap you in my arms, even if it is for the last time. But at least you'll be real again.
When I go to bed, I find it hard to take a break from everything and just sleep. Because you're always running through my mind. I swear, baby, you would be fit as all hell if you exercised as much as I think of you.
Yesturday, someone asked me about you and I don't think I've ever wanted to leave an interview more in my life. I think the interviewer thought I was being rude because I didn't answer. I couldn't. You don't deserve that. I would never do that to you. I know I should have never thrown you away like I did either, but my reasons behind it, however flawed, were justifyable. At least, to me and even to the boys, they were.
I still hope you'll forgive me soon. If you never ever completely forgive me, I would be okay with that too. But, I just need you to be in my life again. I would be the happiesty fucking guy ever if I could look over at the side of the stage and see your pretty face singing along and dancing like you do. That would honestly make everything I'll ever do worth while. I keep imagining you in the recording studios with us, listening to the tracks and jigging along to them. Whenever I visualise it, I smile. Even just the thought of it, makes me want to jump around the room like a 4 year old. Just the thought of you.
Recently, we've been working on a shit tone of songs. Hopefully, one day we'll make them into an actual album. Maybe one day you'll hear them. And yes, some of them are about you. But never in a bad way. I love you too much. Which you might not believe, but I do. Anyways, the songs are coming along really well. We're close to finishing quite a few of them and the demos are sounding really sick. Michael's guitar skills are getting better too. He's always been good, but he's getting even better. Hopefully, in a year or two, we'll all sound like absolute musical genius's, but for now, we just do what we can.
I. Love. You. A. Shit. Tone.
Luke, forever and always the dick head who broke your fucking heart.
