Hiccstrid Shorts

Kiss Me Like You Want Me

With a heavy heart, Hiccup sat in one of the chairs in their kitchen and stared unseeingly down at the cup of tea in his hands. He'd brewed it out of reflex, a natural reaction whenever he was upset. But today, it didn't help at all. Maybe because he'd automatically prepared a second cup even though he knew that it wouldn't be needed. Or it was because he could hear Astrid rummaging about in the room next door, making it impossible for him to forget the reason for his anxiety.

Something was off.

It wasn't something he could put a finger on and it wasn't something new, either. He just felt it, deep in his heart. Astrid was in the process of leaving him, and he didn't even know why. Gods, he loved her so much! And he'd done everything to support her, hadn't he? After years of being friends with her, he knew her so well, knew that she was strong and independent, that she needed her freedom to flourish. So he hadn't pressured her into moving in with him after they'd gotten together a year or so ago, hadn't even brought the option up himself and instead had waited until she was ready. He hadn't minded her going out and meeting with friends, had even encouraged her to do so. He'd done everything to support her in her freedom, even though, deep inside, he'd sometimes wished to simply hold her, to spend more time with just her, to go on a date again, or just have a cosy film night together. Just to show her how much he loved her. But every time one of those urges to restrain her in any way had come up, he'd stomped them down, good and hard. For her. Because he didn't want to be one of those guys who controlled their girlfriend's every action. She was her own person, and it was good that way.

But somehow, he was still losing her. It was happening, right now, and he didn't know what to do to prevent it. Freya, he would crawl on his knees and beg her to stay if he thought it would help! But for weeks now, the distance between them had grown, the atmosphere noticeably growing colder despite his feelings still burning hot for her. He felt as if he'd disappointed her in some way, as if he'd done something wrong. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't think of anything. And it wasn't like her to simply hold a grudge like that anyway. If he'd done something wrong, then surely she would have let him know, and in no uncertain words no less.

He gasped, something like a low sob escaping him, and with trembling fingers, he wiped away the lonely tear that ran down his cheek. All this thinking wasn't doing him any good. All he knew was that he loved her, more than anything else in his life, and that he was losing her without knowing why. And it was killing him.

When he heard the door to their bedroom open and close, he flinched and quickly recomposed himself. He didn't want to let her see his pain, didn't want to put this kind of pressure on her. If she wanted to leave him... then hurting her by letting her see his pain was the last thing he wanted to do.

Mechanically, he stood up, leaving the by-now-cold cup of tea standing where it was, and walked over to their small corridor. Astrid was there, a small bag at her feet, certainly packed with clothes and other necessities. "You-you're leaving?" he asked in a hoarse whisper, barely daring to look her in the eye.

She took her sweet time to respond, not confirming or denying the true question when she did. "I'm going to Ruff's."

Hiccup nodded, gulping. "Will you... be back tonight?" It was a pathetic question. As if he couldn't live even one night without her. But, Odin, it wasn't so far off the truth. He didn't want to live without her, couldn't imagine going through his days without her warm smile and her witty comments, without seeing her beautiful sapphire blue eyes sparkle with joy or mischief.

But Astrid didn't answer - which was enough of an answer in itself.

He let his head drop, didn't want to see the resentment or pity or whatever else was showing on her face right now. He'd lost her, that thought alone hurt enough already. And because he'd lost her, it didn't matter whether he held back or not anymore, right?