A Court of Gardens and Assassins

Chapter Four: Sorry, Az can't come to the phone right now?...

The High Ladies of the Dusk Court were WASTED.

They were rightfully celebrating their success in bullying Mulch Mulcheron. It was a productive day, they even got a slap in. And a wet willy! They had left Mulch lying in her garden and returned home to higherbyrn where the high ladies resided. After the war with Hybern, the island was left unpopulated. When the ladies realized SJM had forgotten to make a Dusk court along with Dawn, Day and Night, they had taken it upon themselves to do so. Their sole mission as the main characters was to add even more spice  and eliminate all the trash characters they hated in the ACOTAR series. They excitedly looked forward to hearing from Sarah J Maas' lawyers for any and all copyright infringement (for legal purposes this is a joke SJM pls don't sue us).

The ladies had been at the bar drinking for hours already. Truth be told, they were BEYOND wasted. They were astronomically wasted.

Drinks were lined up in front of the group, the next already ready by the time they downed their current one.

"Today was a fucking success!" Marisa slurred, holding her shot up in the air and then downing it like the badass Russian she is. No chaser needed.

Marie nodded her head in agreement. "Y e s. Fucking success."

Noelle was randomly giggling in the corner, holding her next shot of vodka to her chest. Sabrina began dancing on a random pole in the middle of the bar. Why was the pole here? No one knows, but it works.

Marisa, Marie, and Em all began to throw dollar bills at Sabrina in an act of encouragement.

Noelle then accidentally threw her shot glass of vodka at Sabrina thinking it was a dollar bill.

"Maybe now's the time to tell you all I'm Scottish," Heather drawled in a Scottish accent as thick as the sexual tension Marisa has created with each of the High Ladies. She then proceeded to pull out a plate of haggis and eat the entire plate in one sitting before performing a bagpipe solo.

"What a waste of good alcohol." Sabrina mumbled, rubbing her head and taking another shot before continuing to dance on the pole. "I wish this pole was Cassian."

Marisa started to hum the song that made Willy Wonka on Tik Tok blow up. "I see you windin' and grindin' up on that pole..." because it was very applicable to their current situation.

"Who wants Cassian when Azriel has the biggest wingspan?" Noelle slurred from her corner of the bar.

Marie looked at Noelle and shook her head, laughing. "Rhys has the biggest wingspan."

Em pulled out a measuring tape with their wingspans marked accordingly. "After some thorough research, I discovered that Marisa actually has the biggest wingspan."

Marisa dusted a piece of lint off of her wings with a cocky expression. "Fuck yeah I do!"

The rest of the high ladies cheered to that and took another shot.

Emily smiled and gave Marisa's wings a once over, "Just like I remember them from that cold, winter night when the power went out and we..."

"That's the tea sis." Marie said, interrupting the start of Emily's story of what happened between her and Marisa, leaving it a mystery that would come to haunt the high ladies for the next 10 or so chapters.

Before any of the high ladies could say anything else Cassian burst through the doors, causing Sabrina to fly off of the pole in alarm.

Sabrina looks up from the ground and towards Cass, furrowing her eyebrows. "If you're just getting here... Who the fuck was I dancing on?" She asked, her words slurred.

"A pole, dumbass." Marisa told her with an eye roll before turning to Cass. "Can we help you? We were kinda in the middle of something."

"Where is Az?" He asked the females, looking around the room. "My bed is still cold."

"Why would we know where he is?" Sabrina asked from the floor, right before she fell asleep.

Cass walked into the bar further and shrugged his shoulders. "You have been stalking Mulch, he's usually with her. Figured you might have seen him."

"Would you like a shot?" Em asked him, holding a shot glass to him.

He disregarded her. "I think Az is missing."

"And I asked if you wanted a drink, did I fucking stutter?"

Cassian rolled his eyes and huffed out a breath. "He. Is. Missing."

"Woah calm down Jamal, no need to pull out the nine," Emily said, earning a laugh from Marisa and Heather (who laughed in a Scottish accent).

Sabrina wakes up out of nowhere, crawling to Cass and grabbing his legs. "Wanna dance with me?"

The male shakes his leg to get her off and shakes his head. "I liked it better when you were sleeping."

Suddenly, Rhysand bursts in next. "Ladies, Azriel is missing. Let's sober you up some, so we can go look for him."

Em looked up at him and said, "It'd be more fun to look for him while drunk but go off."

Marie, Marisa, and Em throw themselves on Rhys, sending them all tumbling back to the floor. As Rhys struggles to get them off of him while panicking and calling Feyre for help,

Noelle seems to realize there are more important things than wingspan right now.

"Wait- Az is missing?"

DUN DUN DUN 

Fuck count: 5