We wrote what everyone wanted: a SJM fanfic with more diversity and the justice the characters deserved (we're looking at you, Mulch). For legal purposes, this book is A JOKE.
Mulch Mulcheron has no personality and yet has at least 3 love interests...
The High Ladies all possessed wings but didn't know how to properly use them like men with any part of their body during sex. So, before they threw themselves into battle, they were gonna throw themselves off cliffs instead.
The two remaining bat boys had taken it upon themselves to teach the ladies to fly.
"Hey Rhys, wanna join the mile high club," Avery yelled suggestively, earning giggles from the rest of the high ladies.
"War and sex don't belong together, ladies. Focus," Rhys growled. He undid the leather that bound his wings.
"That didn't stop you and Feyre from lollygagging in that tent with all those casualties lying around, ya wanker." Heather scowled and aggressively dipped a crumpet in her spot of tea.
Rhysand threw her a dark look like a mom whose child said too much. All the High Ladies became quiet and returned to their lesson with Cassian.
"Now as I was saying, just yeet yourself and go at it. Just go flappy flappy with your wings and you'll be fine."
The ladies all exchanged a nervous glance.
Cassian sighed, "You can't really explain flying you more just do it so have at it. At least if one of y'all dies there's like 28 left." He gave a thumbs up like a mom who just discovered facebook for the first time and took flight.
"Best case scenario I die, worst case I live," Marisa said before launching herself off the cliff. "Yee dawgy."
Her enormous wings spread faster than a college student's legs to any rich man in his 80s. She took to the sky and began flying in circles. Individually, the High Ladies followed her and began to fly around. It wasn't as hard as Feyre had described it.
The High Ladies were now comparable to a virginal wattpad MC: shockingly experienced even though it was their first time. Rhysand and Cassian observed from the ground as the High Ladies proceeded to play Tag in the air completely forgetting they had other things to do besides each other.
"Okay ladies now let's get in formation," Cassian yelled up to them. Slowly, all the High Ladies flew down and stood in a line before Rhysand and Cassian.
"As general, I would like to say a few words," Cassian announced, his eyes meeting the gaze of each of the ladies before him.
"Bruh, this is war not a toast at a wedding, shut the fuck up," Judith said aggressively. She had a lot of pent up anger and wanted to take it out on the battlefield.
"I would simp for you," Marisa mumbled.
"As you should," Judith replied with a smirk like a frat boy who was just informed his most recent chlamydia test was negative.
"Alright, I'll keep it short and sweet. A brilliant man once said, let's ride the bus to flavortown."
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![]And with that the war commenced](https://img.wattpad.com/77197deb0b8f590f798fa8d3feb81cc6ba643daa/68747470733a2f2f73332e616d617a6f6e6177732e636f6d2f776174747061642d6d656469612d736572766963652f53746f7279496d6167652f5839747755305663747971776f673d3d2d3935393134353634322e313633386233343361366664636337323930323535313937383030352e6a7067?s=fit&w=720&h=720)
