Sleeping With My Bandmate

Day 1...Again

Kyungsoo

"Yeah, I mean, it's a lot more intense than I thought it would be, but I still like it," I said to my mom as I talked to her on the phone. That was a little bit of a lie, but I figured it was better to keep the full truth from her for the time being. "No, we're still preparing for our debut. They haven't given us an exact date, but it should be soon hopefully." I flinched a little when I heard a groan come from Jongin, who was in his bed on the other side of the room. "Look, I better go to bed now, but I'll try to call you later. Okay, I love you. Bye."

I pressed the end call button and gently set my phone on the nightstand next to my bed as to try and not make any sounds. He groaned tiredly again, a softer one this time, and turned so he was facing the wall with his back towards me. That was normal to me by now. I couldn't remember the last time he properly looked me in the eyes.

It had been a little over a year since we all became trainees. At first, we weren't sure if we'd placed in groups together, as the possible lineups changed with every monthly evaluation. But with our supposed debut getting closer according to the company, those lineups were starting to become more finalized. I was relieved to end up with people I was at least familiar with--Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Jongdae, Joonmyun, Minseok, and yeah, even Luhan. They added a few other trainees to the group lineup as well, so I was still getting to know them. 

And then there was Jongin.

He hadn't talked to me since that night in the principal's office. I mean, sometimes I'd catch him stealing little longing glances at me, but he would always look away if I tried to look back. I didn't know why he was acting that way. I didn't get it. There were things I could have done better, sure, but I hardly think me lying on the spot warranted over a year's worth of silent treatment from him. Everyone who knew him told me to just be patient and that eventually, he'd come back around. But I lost hope before they could happen. 

Truthfully, the more I thought about it, the angrier it made me. We risked so much by being together and it felt like now, none of that mattered to him. It seemed so easy for him to just drop our relationship, to disregard it, to shove it to the side. I had an inkling he was only trying to act strong for the sake of his image, but I didn't think I had the energy to move past his facade for a second time. Besides, the first time I did that, I ended up getting locked out again anyway, so what was the point?

So, I told myself that it was just time to give up. If he wanted to work things out, he would have already put his pride aside and done it. Yet, here we were, two people who were once so close with their backs now facing each other.

Jongin

"Alright, that was good guys," the dance instructor said. "Let's call it a day. We'll pick up again tomorrow." We all said thank you to him before starting to pack up. I took a minute to just sit on the bench in the practice room so that I could catch my breath.

"Do you guys want to go get something to eat?" Suho asked, catching the attention of all of us. "It's on me."

"In that case, yes," Baekhyun said as he got on his feet. He got a few people to chuckle as they were collecting their own things.

"You coming, Kai?" Chanyeol asked, walking over to me as the other headed towards the door. I glanced over for a moment, catching Kyungsoo talking with Jongdae.

"No, I think I'll skip out on this one," I said as I quickly looked away. He sighed a little and temporarily sat down next to me.

"You can't avoid him forever," he said in a lower-volume voice. All I could do in response was look at him.

"Hey, are you guys coming or not?" Sehun asked as he stood in the doorway.

"Yeah, we'll catch up with you later. If I'm not outside in 10, just text me the address and I'll meet you guys there," Chanyeol answered. Sehun just nodded his head and then disappeared around the corner, letting the door shut with a semi-loud slam. "Are you sure you are okay with things being like this?" he asked, now focusing his attention back on me.

I looked away and sighed, leaning down to rest my arm on my thighs. "No," I said plainly. "But I have to be, at least for right now. It's too dangerous to continue seeing each other. We already got caught once before, but I have a feeling we won't be let off with a warning if it happens again."

"That's a bleak outlook, even for you," he said. "Don't you want to at least try and make things work, especially considering how you left things?"

"Part of me does, but a bigger part of me tells me it'll all be pointless in the end, so I haven't bothered trying." Chanyeol looked away, sighing a little. "I appreciate your concern, but there isn't much I feel like I can do right now. I'm sure you get it because of what happened with Baekhyun."

"That's a fair point, I guess. I do feel kind of helpless," he said with a few nods of his head. "You know, sometimes, I try to trick myself into thinking he didn't just suddenly break up with me. Like this is all just some bad dream I'll eventually wake up from and we'll all be back in school."

I had to admit, I felt really bad for Chanyeol. As much as I pitied myself for my own problems, those two were going through it just as badly as we were. Underneath all that tough, happy skin, Chanyeol was really a sweet guy who just wanted the same thing I did: to love and be loved.

"I guess both of our lives kind of suck right now, huh?" he said, chuckling a little. 

I sighed, nodding in agreement. "But that's how I'm managing to cope," I said without looking at him. "Love is a big part of people's lives, yeah, but it isn't an entire life in itself. It's not all that life's about, you know. At least that's what I try to tell myself."

"Yeah...maybe," he agreed as he sighed in exhaustion. He stood up after that and turned around. "I better go catch up to the others. See you later."

"See ya," I said, briefly waving as I watched him walk out the door, following in the direction of the others. I just sat there for a while, running both of my hands over my hair.

I still loved Kyungsoo with all of my heart and would never love anyone else as much as I loved him, but I didn't think our love--no matter how strong it was--could survive the painful reality of life after high school. There was too much at stake out here, too much that we could lose. I had barely been coping with losing him and wasn't sure if I could take anything else.

A/N

Ah, the last story to edit 😌 This editing journey has been quite fun, but I'm also glad that it's finally coming to a close lol. So that means that after I finish up with this, I will be moving on to the task of finishing my ongoing stories. I plan to start with the ones that are already published and then I have a few drafted stories I'll work on. I also opened up KaiSoo one shot requests again, so if you have any story ideas you'd like me to work on after this, let me know! :)