Sleeping With My Bandmate

Day 60

Kyungsoo

Our major debut promotions had come to a close, so now we were just kind of just doing small things here and there to pass the time before we had to prepare for our next comeback.

Jongin and I still weren't on speaking terms, but I had grown used to it more and more. It didn't affect me anymore, at least when I really told myself not to let it. It didn't keep me awake at night anymore, at least until I started dreaming. When I was able to control my feelings and thoughts, I was okay with it. But I couldn't always do that.

One day when we were all just kind of hanging around the dorm, Baekhyun and I went downstairs and check to see if any mail had arrived for anyone.

"So you're really starting to feel better about the whole Kai thing?" he asked me on the way down.

"Yeah," I said with a light sigh. "I mean, he obviously is ready to move on and has been for a while, so I'm not going to stop him from being happy. Even if it isn't with me."

"Wow, I'm proud of you," he said with a smile, making me laugh a little.

"So what about you and Chanyeol?" I asked. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like I broke up with him because I hate him or didn't have feelings for him anymore," he explained. "It's just...it's tough to love someone in a different way than everyone else. It would have just been too hard when you're in the spotlight like we are. That's why I did it."

"I guess you have a point," I replied as we approached the end of the stairs that led to the lobby. 

I let Baekhyun pull the key out and open up the mailbox, just silently watching as he peeked in and then began to pull out a few pieces of junk and what appeared to be some letters. As he stood there and shuffled through the pile, Jongin walked into the dorm, kind of stopping in place when he saw us. He only looked at me for a few seconds before scattering off in the direction we came. 

"Okay, I think that's everything," Baekhyun said as gathered the mail neatly in his hands. He looked at me and my expression, mixed with him seeing the last of Jongin as he headed to the dorm, gave everything away. "He doesn't have to be so skittish. I know things are awkward, but damn, he's being a little extra."

"You're telling me," I said with a heavy sigh. I shook my head afterward. "Doesn't matter now. Like you said, starting anything with anyone would be too hard right now. It's better to just focus on work."

"That's the spirit," Baekhyun said, putting an arm around my shoulder as he started back for the dorm. "Boys are dumb anyway."

"We are boys," I replied with a chuckle. 

"You know what I mean, smartass." I laughed again and we continued walking until we got back to the dorm.

Jongin

"Thanks for making dinner, Kyungsoo," Tao said at dinner after we had all finished eating.

"It was my pleasure," he responded with a smile. I missed seeing him smile. I mostly missed seeing him smile at me. It had to be one of the most beautiful sights in the whole entire world.

"Can I help you clean up?" Joonmyun asked after D.O had stood up and started collecting all the plates he could hold.

"No, I got it," he said, smiling a little again. "Thanks, though."

"Okay. Holler if you need help," Suho said. Kyungsoo finished getting what he could and then walked into the kitchen as the members began to leave the table. I stayed seated and watched him silently. 

I missed him. I missed a lot of things about him, but mostly just being able to talk to him and know he was there. I knew I hadn't handled almost getting caught very well, that I was kind of taking it out on him. It was a stupid, aimless thing to do, and I wanted to change that. Even if we couldn't pick up where we left off, I wanted to at least make amends with him enough to call him my friend. I didn't think I could stand losing him altogether.

So, after a minute or so of thought, I slid the chair back and picked up the rest of the dirty dishes before starting in the direction of the kitchen. He was just filling the sink up with water as I walked in. I stopped for a few seconds, just trying to collect myself, maybe try to figure out what I was going to say. I picked up my feet after a deep breath and set the dishes on the counter next to the sink before saying, "Want some help?"

Kyungsoo

"Want some help?" I turned my head and flinched a little when I saw Kai standing there. At first, I was slightly confused as to why he would want to help me. After all, he had avoided me for the longest time. But I knew fighting fire with fire wasn't going to get us anywhere. I couldn't have given him the same silent treatment he had been giving me. It wasn't right and even if it had been in some capacity, I just wasn't confident that I was strong enough to.

"S-Sure," I stuttered. He smiled very faintly and nodded his head before placing the dirty dishes in the sink. "Um...I guess you can just rinse them off and put them in the drying rack."

"Okay," he said. 

I scooted over a little bit so we could both have sufficient access to the sink. A tense and awkward silence settled down between us as we proceeded with our chore. I wanted to talk to him sure but what would I say? How was your day? Did you sleep well last night? I knew that anything I said would eventually narrow down to one question: why haven't you talked to me?

"Can I say something?" he said, breaking the silence. I only turned my head slightly, just enough so that I could see him but wasn't completely looking at him. "I don't hate you." I looked at him fully and instantly saw he was looking at me. "I know it may seem like that since I haven't talked to you in a while, but I don't hate you. I could never hate you."

I honestly didn't know what to say back. I mean sure, I felt a little better knowing he didn't hate me, but I still wanted to know why he hadn't spoken to me. But then again, I didn't want to ask him because I knew that getting an answer could be risky.

"Can we...I don't know...be friends?" he said after realizing I wasn't going to reply. Friends? After all we had been through and now he wanted to be friends? It was better than whatever we currently had going on, but it disappointed me to see that he didn't seem to want to even try to salvage what was left of our romantic relationship.

"S-Sure," I said quietly. "I-I guess so."

"Cool," he said, a faint smile on his lips.

I really didn't want to be friends with him. But I guess, at this point, I had no other choice.