I wanted to write an Arctic Monkeys fic so here we are xox
Alex is a stupid annoying evil rat bastard
Nick is being held hostage
Jamie think he's 'too cool for school'
and
Matt is basically annoyed at everything
Warning: this book is most likely...
Nick, Matt and Jamie ate at McDonalds, enjoying their meals peacefully without Alex.
Matt had a big mac.
Nick had chicken nuggets.
And Jamie had a kfc since he was 'too cool' for McDonalds.
They finished up eating and made their way to the exit so that Matt could drive them back home but suddenly some Italian guy that looked like Luigi on drugs approached them.
"Hey... do you guys wanna see something illegal that isn't supposed to be seen by the public?" he asked the 3 boys.
Matt, Nick and Jamie all looked at each other before Jamie grinned and looked at the poundland Luigi dude.
"Yes! We'd love to!" He grinned, not even discussing it with Nick and Matt first.
The poundland Luigi smiled to them, Matt kind of cautious and Nick just confused.
"Ok follow me," he said to them, they all nodded and did just that, they were all so stupid and were probably going to get kidnapped.
Poundland Luigi took them outside the McDonalds and into an alley way next to the store. Down the alley were drug dealers and homeless people, not to mention the occasional crackheads.
"I want a duck to suck on my toe!" some random crackhead exclaimed as he jumped out of no where towards them, like it was some type of jump scare. Nick awkwardly nodded and scurried past the dude, who straight up passed out afterwards.
Eventually they reached some side door and poundland Luigi opened it, he entered and told the band to follow him, which they did because they wanted to get kidnapped.
They were now inside this room, and poundland Luigi told them to wait near the door which they did. He then went and grabbed a box that looked like a happy meal box, except it was blue and the smile was a frown.
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(Quick A/N: Yes I literally edited that amazing picture just for this chapter be grateful xox)
He smiled to them and handed the box to Jamie.
"This is called the sad meal, McDonalds was going to release it but the government stopped them because it apparently made people act like 14 year old girls who fake depression, cry to 'sad' Bart Simpson edits and listen to lil peep, Billie Elish and xxxTentaction."
"ooooooo" Jamie and Nick replied, pretty interested in this new illegal meal. Matt on the other hand was kind of mad because the room was boiling hot.
"Does it have any food in it?" Nick asked, wanting to know more about the 'sad meal'.
Poundland Luigi nodded, "Yes!" he replied a little too happily "It has soggy fries, mouldy bread buns and warm watery milk" he told them "sometimes you can choose to have sewage water instead" he added, throwing them a smile.
The band just exchanged the look, before looking down at this 'sad meal' they then looked back up at the poundland Luigi. This was becoming depressing already.
"Wait so there's no patty?" Matt asked, raising an eyebrow.
Poundland Luigi shook his head, "No, you can have a patty but the only patty's we can get for it is one from 2003 that we found underneath a dumpster, we found a dead rat on top of it and there was also some phlegm on it, bystanders have also mentioned that they've seen a few mothers throw their baby's nappy on it, but that patty is all that we can do unfortunately" he told them as he gave them a small smile.
The band all cringed in disgust but then Matt had an idea.
"Is the patty in the box with the burger?" Matt asked
"No it's still on the floor." poundland Luigi, told him.
"Can we have it please? Can we just keep the sad meal?" Matt asked him as a smile grew on his face, he had the perfect plan.
Poundland Luigi nodded, "ok, pass me the box so I can add the Patty," he said to the band, Jamie passed poundland Luigi the box.
Poundland Luigi disappeared for a few moments, but soon arrived back with the sad meal box, he handed it back to Jamie and gave him another soft smile.
"So because this is illegal and you guys are the first people to take it, I'll let you have this for free, but you can't tell anyone about it because this is highly private and illegal, so you don't have to pay." he told them, smiling more to them.
Nick raised an eyebrow "How long has the sad meal been in business for?"
"Before the happy meal, that's all I can tell you, now please leave" he said to them as he began to hurry the band out.
He shoved them out of the room in the ally, whispering into Matt's ear "I added a toy because you're sexy" Poundland Luigi, whispered before pushing the band out of the door, slamming and locking the door behind him.
Matt raised an eyebrow, this whole interaction was kind of weird but he wasn't gonna say anything, the sad meal seemed kind of dodgy to him and poundland Luigi gave him a weird vibe. He sighed and made his way out of the ally, with Nick and Matt.
As they were walking some dude making Yoshi noises galloped past them into the darkness of the ally way, they all raised an eyebrow but kept walking, eventually reaching Matt's car, they got in the car and drove home.
Matt was going to give this to Alex, considering how much the lad loved McDonald's, he was going to be thrilled to try this illegal meal.
So thrilled.
A/N: I wrote this with my brother and it's the most fun I've ever had, I love this so much.
Those were the noises the Yoshi guy was making, also skip to 1:10 for the best part :)
ok i'll stop now, again i love this so much even tho it's pretty shit
