Where Do We Go from Here?

vi.

 "Well, where do I start," he sighs.

     With my face muscles relaxing, I wait for the answer of the boy in front of me, who on usual days is a creature of sharp-witted responses, but in this moment, seems to be fumbling with his thoughts.

     "I guess you can start with why you had to tell me?" Theo suggests as he takes another bite.

     Cobi takes a sip of water, "Hmm, yeah that's a good start, well, I got into trouble last semester, and Theo saved me, and for it to make sense, I had to tell him," he confesses.

     His words automatically rewind over my head, "I'm sorry, it still doesn't make sense."

     "I had this fling back in high school, and he also goes to Granite now, and let's just say he tries to make himself my bully and nothing more." Cobi takes a pause to take a small bite, "Hmm, I don't know but I feel like it's his way of covering up what has been."

     "Who is this guy? And-" Suddenly, an ugly guy's image pops in my head, "Cap?"

     I suddenly think of the times when he mocks or bumps Cobi in the hallways, even if Cobi never had anything to do with him. Well, I stand corrected, Cobi actually had something to do with him. "That ugly guy? Cobi, what were you thinking?"

     Cobi's arms shoots up through the air, "Hey, don't judge a person by his high school self." He puts his arms down, "I was always confused why I never looked at girls the way my friends see them. For all I care, you are creatures with two lumps in front you," he chuckles with the last words while looking at my chest.

     "Eyes up here, Jacob," I guide his gaze back into my eyes with my fingers.

     "For some though, they don't even have lumps in front of them," Theo says while looking intently at me.

     "Do you have a death wish?" I glare at him then at Cobi, "Resume,"

     "And... Martin was there to show me why I didn't go crazy over girls at that age, when I should've," he starts. I almost forgot Cap has a name, it just seems more fitting for him to have none.

     "We talked, just talked, for months about anything and everything under the sun. And it didn't seem weird at all, finally it seemed right, you know?" Cobi states.

     "How would she know, she has never been in love," Theo interrupts.

      I raise my fork and point it towards him. He mouths 'I'm kidding' as a response. "Well, I'm not," I threaten as I put down the utensil.

     "That's when I kind of knew, when it all made sense, that maybe I was different. I mean I always had a gut feeling about it. It's not like I woke up and realized "I'm gay", that's not how it works. But Martin confirmed it." I don't know if I am just being overly sensitive about it but I feel like I heard pain and happiness in his last words.

     "Was it the same for him?" The words roll off my tongue carefully.

     Cobi makes his eyes travel aimlessly around our house, "I don't know what he is, if he was as confused as I was, or if he was just a venturing youth,"

     "Or a straight up asshole," Theo intercepts and to be honest, that's the most appropriate bet.

     "Or that," Cobi agrees, "But little Jacob thought it was real, and so I tried to be more open about it until he shut me down and told me he was not gay 'gay', whatever that means. Rumors broke out in our high school and let's just say ever since then I learned how the closet was the safest space for me," He confesses.