A big mess

Have I done the right thing

They took Georgie back into her room and Elvis popped his head around the door "I'm sorry I wasn't here" he said she smiled "it's alright" she smiled. He walked in and sat down next to her "have you met her?" He asked "I've seen her" she said tears in her eyes "oh Georgie" he said holding her hand "this should never have happened, because of a stupid mistake, forgetting to take the pill one night" she cried "Georgie this isn't a mistake, that baby is your baby" he said "and I love her I do, but this isn't who I am" she said "I thought when I saw her it would all change, I'd know that I made the right choice and I think I did because she's got a dad like you, a dad that is going to be amazing but on the other hand did I? Because she's got a mum like me, that tried to abort her baby and then didn't want to do what's best for it because she loved her job so much" she cried "Georgie, I know you are very career orientated, I know you love your job and you will have your job back, I promise you will but right now you have a really important job to do and that is to be a mum" he said "I want to make it clear I do love her, more than anything but... I'm scared Elvis I'm scared" she cried Elvis just held her in his arms gently "I know you are, but I'm going to be here and so is your mum and your sisters and your dad" he said she nodded "not to mention the whole of 2 section and special forces" he smiled she smiled wiping her eyes "I'll be back in a minute" Elvis said she nodded as he walked out "excuse me" he said to the nurse "could we have our little girl in the same room as Georgie please? Is that possible?" He asked she nodded "yes, it was offered Georgie wanted some space" she said Elvis nodded "she's struggling this isn't what Georgie thought she would ever be doing, but she does love that baby, but let me take her, so she can have a hold, she hasn't even held her baby" he said the nurse nodded and Elvis followed her "you take her, I'll bring a cot in for you" she said he nodded picking her up "thank you" he smiled heading out. He walked back into Georgie's room and smiled at her "just hold her, please Georgie just hold her" he said she had tears in her eyes and nodded holding out her arms as soon as she held her to her chest she burst into tears "am I going to be alright at this?" She cried Elvis nodded "you're going to be fantastic at this" he smiled she smiled and nodded "okay, okay let's do this together, I can do this" she said taking a deep breath "that's my girl" he smiled kissing her head.
There was a knock on the door and Marie and Grace walked in "hey George" her mum smiled sympathetically "hi" she smiled "are you alright sweetheart?" She asked Georgie nodded "I will be" she smiled Grace smiled and kissed her head "look at what you've done Georgie, you've done the most incredible thing" she smiled Georgie looked at her baby and smiled "she is pretty incredible isn't she" she smiled "do you want a hold?" She asked Grace nodded smiling and Georgie passed her to her. "I didn't scare you too much did I Marie?" She smiled "enough" she smiled "yours won't be like that Marie, Georgie's had a tough pregnancy" Grace said Marie nodded "but I'd take a tough one for you any day" she smiled Marie smiled and sat on the end of Georgie bed "I love you" Marie smiled "I love you too" Georgie smiled holding out her arms "can I give you a hug?" Marie asked she nodded "gently" she smiled Marie smiled and hugged her carefully. "You're going to be a fantastic mum" Marie said Georgie just looked at her baby and smiled "I hope so" she smiled "Georgie she really is gorgeous" Grace smiled "she looks so much like you already" she added Georgie smiled "let's hope she gets Georgie's good genes, if she grows up to look anything like her mum she's the luckiest girl in the world" Elvis smiled holding Georgie's hand Georgie looked at him and smiled "I love you" she said he smiled "I love you too" he said kissing her head "how long until I can go home?" She asked "I don't know I'll ask someone when I see someone" he said she nodded. "Do you want your baby back Georgie?" Grace smiled Georgie just looked at her "you can have cuddles for a bit" she said "Elvis, Marie, can I have a minute" Grace smiled Elvis nodded and Marie followed him out. Grace got up and lied the baby down in the cot and sat down on the side of her bed. Georgie talk to me" she said "about what?" Georgie said "you know what about, why don't you want to be a mum Georgie?" She asked Georgie just looked at her hands on her lap "or you do want to be a mum you just don't think you're cut out for it" she said Georgie just looked up at her and then back down "what's wrong with you we can never usually shut you up" she smiled Georgie just held her mums hand "I'm here" Grace said Georgie nodded and put her hand over her eyes and cried "I thought I was doing the right thing" she cried Grace didn't know what to say "you did do the right thing georgie" she said "she's lucky, she's got a dad like Elvis and a grandparents like you, aunties like lu and Marie" she said "and she's bloody lucky to have a mum like you" Grace said "is she? Because it doesn't feel like that, it feels like I'm a terrible mum, I can't even hold her" she cried "can I tell you a bit of a story?" Grace asked Georgie nodded "move over" Grace said laying back on the bed with her and putting her arms around her holding her to her chest "when you were born, I had postnatal depression" she said Georgie just kept listening "I really struggled. I cried at everything, I couldn't face being a mum, you weren't an accident you were all I ever wanted but it just hit me so hard, I loved you, there's not a moment in my life I haven't loved or wanted you, I was just so tired and worried about everything and I don't know why it happened but it did but I got help, it got better, I got used to being a mum and I don't think I've done a bad job with you girls" she smiled Georgie just kept her head on her mums chest. "You think I've got depression?" She asked "it's not like that Georgie, it goes away, it just means your body and mind needs a bit of time to learn how to cope, remember this hit you hard, you didn't have this planned, you were scared, you are scared, but don't tell me you don't love that baby" she said Georgie looked at her and nodded "I'd do anything for her" she said Grace smiled "and that makes you an amazing mum" she smiled kissing her head Georgie just watched her baby sleeping in her cot "have you got a name?" Grace asked Georgie nodded "do I tell you or wait to tell you all at the same time?" She asked "why don't we have a little welcome home party and a name reveal at the same time?" Grace smiled she nodded "but listen to me Georgie, this will get better, this feeling of doing everything wrong will go and you will have an amazing family" she said Georgie nodded "I hope you're right" she said Grace smiled "I know I'm right, but until then, and forevermore, I will help however much you need, we all will" she said Georgie smiled "thank you" she smiled "I love you baby" she said Georgie just looked up at her mum "I love you too" she smiled "now, are you going to hold your little baby? I think she wants her mama" she said Georgie sat up slowly the pain medication was starting to wear off "I'll get a doctor to get you some more morphine" Grace smiled Georgie nodded and sat upright as Grace left. She got up and walked over to the cot slowly looking down at her baby. She sat down in the chair next to the cot and held her baby's hand "mummy loves you very much sweetheart" she said leaning on the cot holding her baby's hand. "I'm always going to be here, alright" she added. Grace walked back in and the doctor followed "okay Georgie, we're going to give you paracetamol from now on and see if you can start breastfeeding baby, if that's what you want" she said Georgie just looked at them and then back down at her baby "just give it a try if you don't like it we can give her bottles" Grace said putting her hand on Georgie's shoulder. Georgie nodded "alright" she said taking a deep breath "here" smiled Grace passing her the baby Georgie held her close to her tears in her eyes "I love you so much" she said taking a deep breath "you're just going to have to give me some time" she said cuddling her baby "can you get Elvis please?" She asked Grace nodded and walked out "she's going to try and feed baby, she wants you" she said Elvis nodded and walked in and Georgie smiled at him "I can leave you, just let the nurse know if she's feeding or not" she smiled Georgie nodded "thank you" said Elvis as she walked out. Georgie held her baby in her arm and looked at Elvis "you can do it" he said she nodded and pulled her top down "that's it" Elvis smiled Georgie smiled and Elvis kissed her head "see you're giving this baby everything she needs" he said Georgie smiled.