Best Mistake

Chapter 08

I almost forgot what were the reasons why I must not get my angers unleashed.

But I was just thankful enough I was able to remember my brother. Matheus's life is at stake. And I should remind my self I'm not that cruel to risk his life, just because I was infuriated. He was suffering, even more than I am. So I should stop.

It was hard. But I gathered all my will to do so.

I won't be doing this for my self. I'm doing this 'cause I have an innocent angel to think of. And I could never afford to lose him.

I moved my gaze back in front of me.

Tito Matteo.

Then, I thought, it was a family thing. From my Dad, Marco. To my Mama, Melpomene. To me, Melpomynne Persephone. And to my brother, Mattheus Wilheme.

I thought, we were a perfect family. Given our names.

They were great, for me. Yet little did I know what were hidden behind them. Little did I know what were their meanings.

Melpomene. The muse of tragedy.

I know, names might be innocent, yet it's now starting to creep slowly through my scalps.

Gusto kong matawa. Kung paanong naging trahedya na nga ang kinahantungan ng buhay namin. I don't wanna say this, but we both knew, Mama was at fault. And she's even passed me her name. But thinking about it now, it was like she's passed me her tragedy. But what's even more to it, was when she has even combined her name with another as she gave it to me, but I can't just pinpoint what betterment it was for.

Persephone. Queen of the underworld.

Right.

Siguro, hindi ko na ito mapupuna pa, kung sana'y hindi kami humantong sa ganito. But things as these, happened.

And looking at Tito Matteo . . . hindi ko alam kung matatawa nga ba akong talaga.

Mama even named my brother after him.

Matheus.

Hindi ko alam, pero nasisiraan na nga siguro ako ng bait.

I don't really know anymore what all these thoughts were for. Kung para saan sila, hindi ko na alam.

Mama left us a trace.

Pero nakakatawa nga lamang naman, at hindi man lang namin napansin.

And Grandma was just too good, she managed to complete the puzzle before anyone of us did. And played with our fates like this.

Curse her.

I don't wanna be rude, but I think it's way better to show Tito Matteo what I really feel about him.

I respect him as my brother's Dad, but I still won't forget that he cheated with my Mama, over my father.

Hindi ko siya kailan man nakasalamuha dati. Nakikita lang, ngunit dahil hindi naman malapit ang mga Vicario sa amin ay hindi nga kami nagkakaroon ng interaksiyon.

Who would've known my Mama had an affair with him? My mother was almost the least person to do such foul things. Yet she did it anyway.

Tito Matteo smiled at me. It was a little timid.

"I'm glad you are ready to take responsibility po." Wala akong ipinakitang emosyon habang sinasabi ko iyon. Maybe because when I try to put any feeling to it, it might only turn out way worse than it already was?

Mama looked kind of offended, yet she kept her self quiet. Tito Matteo didn't seem to mind my rudeness though.

I was almost taken a back. Thinking was it even right for me to behave this way in front of him?

"I'm sorry for the troubles, iha. But I assure you I'm more than willing to take responsibility of my actions . . ."

Hindi na ako sumagot pa. Hindi ko na rin kasi alam kung paanong paraan ko pa nga ba sila dapat pakisamahan.

Their qualities as a person makes me too weak.

They were like two different threads embedded as one. Things that shouldn't get along together, yet tangled anyway in the end.

How could a person as calm and as soft as them do such fatal mistake?

And how will I be able to choose what to feel if they're gonna continue being like this?

I don't wanna let go of my rage 'cause I'm afraid they don't deserve the fires I'll be emitting, yet I can't just forget what they did, having all it's outcome displayed in front of my face.

Mama started explaining to me things again. Bahagya niya akong inilayo kay Tito Matteo.

Mama was asking me if I'll be coming with them overseas. Matheus needs medications, and it'll be way better to have it there. Especially that it's gonna be a better way to distance him from the Zamoras. I can understand that, but I just can't be certain what my response should be.

Are they gonna be staying together?

Si Tito Matteo at ang Mama?

"He has a wife right? Ano 'to, Ma?"

Pagod na napapikit ang Mama. Masyado na ring marahan ang paghaplos niya ng mga kamay ko. I suddenly felt guilty acting this way when she's this wounded.

Am I being cruel?

Marahan lamang na tumango ang Mama. Nakapikit pa rin hanggang ngayon at tila hindi rin kinakaya ang mga nasa isipan.

But I needed enlightment. Kung hindi ako manghihingi ng mga dahilan ay hindi ko sila tuluyang mauunawaan. And I am afraid I won't be able to find the sensible me without asking her for the deepest reasons.

"Then why are we coming with him? Or why is he coming with us? He has his wife, he should've just—"

"Anak . . ." Mama looked at me straight in the eyes. It was as if she was trying to make me see every ounce of her soul. Para maintindihan ko siya. The way she wants me to.

Pero naguluhan lamang ako lalo.

Gayon pa man ay pinilit kong panatilihin ang sarili. I'm afraid Mama would break down again if I try to push her more. Ngayon lang siya nakalma, at hindi ganon ka-tigas ang puso ko para ipagkait sa kaniya ang kapayapaan.

Hinayaan ko siyang magpaliwanag. Kahit napakarami kong tanong, tinigil ko ang sarili.

"Bettina . . . She . . . died just a week before your d-dad."

That stopped my mind from processing. I know Bettina Vicario. She's Tito Matteo's wife. They both belong to the upper-class that's why I already am familiar with them. Pero hindi naman nakarating sa amin ang pagkawala ni Bettina Vicario.

"Matteo . . . he tried to keep it away from the public." Nakikita ko kung paano nahihirapan ang Mama sa pagpapaliwanag. Kaya naman minabuti kong manahimik at pakinggan siya. "A-and I'm a-afraid to say this . . . but I can't just d-deny how she died because of the same reason with y-your father . . . "

I felt my heart skipped a beat.