"Were you serious when you told me you were on pills?"
Siya nang magpasiya kaming mag-ikot sa mall para makapag-usap. Ayaw niya namang gawin iyon habang kumakain kaya ngayon na lang.
Kumunot ang noo ko.
"I said that?" Ano pa ba bukod doon ang mga nasabi ko sa kaniya? Dahil parang mas may naaalala siya kaysa sakin. Kahit pa sabihing pareho kaming lunod sa alak ng mga panahong iyon.
Tumigil kaming dalawa.
Hinarap niya ako.
"You did."
Diretso ang tingin niya sa aking mga mata.
"What else did I tell you?"
Tiningnan niya muna ako ng matagal. Probably trying to weigh what was in my head.
"That it was . . . your usual thing."
Sumakit ang ulo ko sa sinabi niya.
What?
Did he mean, I told him I was everyone's f*ckbuddy?
Nakita niya ang reaksiyon ko.
Damn, I feel so cheap.
"Why did you follow me still? When I told you what kind of a slut am I?" My face was stoic. But his, just grew dimmer and dimmer than mine.
"'Cause I realized you weren't what you were claiming to be."
Natiligil ako roon.
I didn't react.
I didn't know what to feel.
Madilim ang mga mata niya. It was as if he was trying to tell me he has no time to utter any sh*t right in this moment.
Should I feel lighter about it?
'Cause he didn't completely belive I was just that cheap?
It was my first. Truth to be told.
But I wasn't still certain on what to feel about it.
"It wasn't my thing."
Lumunok ako. Pero hindi ko ipinahalata sa kaniya.
"I was frustrated." Pagpapatuloy ko. Nararamdaman kong nasa akin lang ang paningin niya.
Kaya nagpatuloy ako. "I was wrecked." Tiningnan ko siya. His expression never changing. "Sorry."
I saw how his jaw tightened.
Up until now, I still can't tell why was it so important to him.
What's the problem if I was broken?
"I needed to understand things that time . . . I needed to understand . . . Why people around me kept on doing such thing. Such f*cking thing. That my life resulted like this. That my mind ended up running away from me. Kaya naligaw ako at nagkamali ng hiningan ng saklolo. That why . . . I resulted in doing . . . the same thing I hated most . . ."
I saw his jaw tightened even more.
Nakita kong pumikit siya at may kunot sa noo na tila ba hinihimok ang sariling unawain ang mga sinasabi ko. Kahit pa tila hindi niya gustong tumalima sa mga iyon.
"I grabbed it as an opportunity to break through . . . —"
"Don't . . . apologize."
Mariin pa rin ang pagkakakuyom ng mga kamao niya. Kasing diin ng pagkakasabi niya noon.
He was still so dim and brooding.
"You weren't at fault." Tila basag ang pagkakasabi niya no'n. Na parang may kung ano sa loob niya na lubos siyang pinahihirapan.
BINABASA MO ANG
Best Mistake
RomansaWe might have started wrong, but I regret nothing. The world may give me all the chances to right it, but I choose not to change anything. 'Cause to me, you're the best prize of my worst action. The only right thing I've got when I failed to have my...
