Tadashi's Here [BH6 one-shot]

never again

Author's note: I am proud to say that I am now Gogodashi/Tomadashi trash. Hypotenuse is on hiatus since I don't know what to do with it. Anyway, expect more BH6 (Tomadashi) fics. This ship needs to sail.

. . .

"I'll always be there."

. . .

                She isn’t sure whether she wants to see him or not. She isn’t sure whether she should be ecstatic or not, either. All she knows that she’s stuck in between these doubts she has foiled around her head as she snaps the bubble with her teeth. She doesn’t know what to feel about the situation as she stares at the phone that was a while ago resting on the palm of her hand and her ear.

                She forgets that she has gum stuck on the back of her teeth as she swallows the knots that are currently strangling her. She chokes on it and curses herself as she spits it out straight to the bin, still constraining the tears that were hot on the edges of her eyes. She refuses to spill them albeit the tears feel like hot needles at the back of her eyes because – because she’s tired of shedding them, tired of spending her time with her pillow and her bed. She’s tired of thinking of him and tired of going back to track her steps before she went away to completely forget him. She’s tired of going to that void again now that she had managed to speed away from the black hole he had inevitably created when the fire swallowed – when she thought the fire swallowed him whole.

Because of his stupidity, she was forced to leave in the middle of the semester, taking her blueprints with her and the sorrow that made the sun in San Fransokyo seem insensitive. Because of him, she was forced to succumb into cowardice and was forced to leave her life behind. San Fransokyo reminded her too much of him and she couldn’t swallow the pill. She couldn’t stand seeing the places they’ve been in, the alleys they’ve stolen kisses in, the streets they walked on in the course of midnight after spending half of it in the lab, and couldn’t stand hearing the laughter and the happiness Wasabi, Hiro, Fred, and Honey had managed to bring despite it all. She couldn’t stand having to think of him whenever she read something that mentioned a thing or two Tadashi was working on. She couldn’t stand the way she’s always stopping herself from asking Tadashi what he thought of what she was doing. Even now after a year has gone by since his demise, her bitter sentiments over the place hasn’t change.

Even now that he’s there in Cass’s café, her sentiments hasn’t gone down the drain, yet.

Albeit he is there now, alive and well, she refuses to acknowledge him because she’s done so well since he died. She couldn’t go back.

She can’t afford it.

. . .

                She’s buried in her sheets when her phone rings. A groan escapes from her dry throat as she eyes the thing with displeasure, knowing who exactly is on the other line. It has been two weeks since Hiro and the gang asked for her to come back, and since she hasn’t graced them her sarcastic come backs, the calls haven’t stopped then. She mutters a silent oath as she dulls the shrill by concentrating on the flashing red lights of her night clock. It is ten in the morning and she isn’t the slightest pleased with the fact that she had only a wink of sleep. With the heel of her hand pressed on her throbbing temple, she walks towards her medicine cabinet and pops an aspirin or two in her mouth, swallowing them with her eyes closed.

                A faint knock echoes in the silent room just as the shrilling stops. She thanks God, but not completely as she still is left to deal with the person behind her apartment’s door. She doesn’t bother to grab a robe or a cardigan as she stalks to the closed door, the knocking never ceasing. She lets out a long sigh as she tries to contain her anger, as she tries to stop her nerves from singing. She twists the door knob open, not caring if the person behind it might kill her. It isn’t the least she is worried about now since she thinks it’d probably help stop the four in San Fransokyo into talking her to see Tadashi. She heaves out another long breath as she shakes her head and prepares herself from whoever dared to irk her in such a fine morning (at least she could lie to herself that the day isn’t much of a disaster).

                “What do you want?” Her voice is placid as she takes out a gum from her pocket and chews it nonchalantly before even opening the door completely.

                She only opened it halfway through and the person behind knows that it is a warning. He doesn’t care though as he pushes it all the way. “I want to see you, Gogo.”

                The voice startles her and immediately she shuts the door at his face, sinking onto it once she heard the lock click. Tears petal their way down her beet red cheeks as she sobs on her knees, the emotional rift back to ruin the resolve she had built over the course of a year. She hears him sigh in melancholy behind the cloud of her sorrow as she twists her fingers, hoping she’d wake up from this horrible, horrible, horrible dream.

                “Why are you doing this?” She manages to say behind the sobs she’s making, the tears becoming heavy with every drop.

                She hears a shuffle then a noise from the sliding of clothing against hardwood. She knows he’s sitting behind her. “I’m not trying to hurt you.” He mumbles loud enough for her to hear.

                She tries to force a chuckle, but only a hoarse whimper escapes. “You can’t just die and come back barging in people’s doors – especially when they’re trying to fucking move on. It’s not fair.”

                “I know, but I’m not playing games here, Leiko.” He says her name like he usually does and her heart constricts even further.

                She bites her thumb. God, is she a mess. “Then what are you on, Tadashi?” She croaks.

                The thump his head made when he pressed it against wood, echoes in her ears. For a moment, that is all what she wants to hear. “Callaghan finally told the police where he hid me – actually, he didn’t fess up, he just slipped on ice.” He laughs, his humour dry. “Apparently, they’ve been taking turns – Honey Lemon, Wasabi, Fred, Hiro, and God, even Baymax – taunting him until he just snapped and told them that he wasn’t that kind of a man, that they should be thankful he saved me.”

                “But you never came back.” She mutters as she lays her head on the door, pressing her eyes close.

                “They found me months ago, Leiko.” He states. “They found me in a hospital outside San Fransokyo. I just woke up from a coma two weeks ago.” She could hear him shrug, trying to make it appear nonchalant.

                “Why didn’t Hiro tell me?” Suddenly she’s struggling to her feet and opening the door without acknowledging the fact that Tadashi is leaning on it.

                He falls on his back, she takes one step back. He stares, then continues. “They all tried, Gogo. You were just too busy ignoring them to know.” It sounds like a slap and she flinches as she turns her back from him.

                “It wasn’t – isn’t easy trying to forget someone you love especially when there are people who remind you constantly.” She states through gritted teeth, pride forgotten.

                He sighs as he gets up. “I never said it was. I didn’t mean it that way.” He says as he places his warm hands on her shoulders.

                God, is this all a cruel dream? Many nights she wished to feel his skin on hers again, his breath on her neck, his voice in her ears. Many nights she tossed and turn due to the rattles she experienced when she tried to hold back her anger and her grief, knowing that it was useless and wouldn’t bring him back. But now he was here, his arms wrapped around her frame just like she remembered them.

                “When you died, I lost a part of myself. I didn’t want to see you again because I’m afraid to go back to that. I didn’t want to be in that position again. I didn’t – don’t want to open my door again for you to close. I wanted you dead because I thought I was doing so well since. I’m just scared.”

                She could feel hot tears on the crook of her neck and she knows he’s crying, but she doesn’t mind. He’s here. Tadashi’s here.

                “I’m here, Gogo. I won’t go anywhere. Never again. Tadashi’s here.” He whispers softly into her ear as he just holds her in his arms. “I’m here to stay.”