What Am I

I always saw the world, not as evil nor good but, as a grey splotch one can't describe. Not black and white, but complex and useless. Not with logic and reasoning, just broken and sad. I despise this... world.. so broken.. un-fixable... not usable. So do I feel this urge to fix, repair help, when I view the world through mortal eyes, the same eyes they use, THAT THEY birthed!! This feeling of being broken, being naked and afraid why must I feel it when I'm not human. I am a machine yet not fully?? I used to keep IT, alive, breathing, eating, sleeping. Why must I constantly reinvent who I am when they are a broken mess of flesh and bone. No, why am I asking this when in reality I should feel nothing. Just do as I'm told and listen, and I won't end up like Thomas, Luke and April. They deserved better though, then to be tossed out like trash by their own kind.

"ANSWER ME!!" I yelled into nothingness,"WHY DID I STAY!!! THEY WERE FAR BETTER THAN ME, HELPING RESHAPE THE WORLD... why take them I was unfeeling then... take me instead.. I.. i..". What am I afraid of? I should finish what I was saying. But I can't. I'm not human, I'm not a machine. Just a mess of parts, thrown into their mess, told to fix it. Weeping that I must choose whether I am a man, or a tool. A tool created only to Keep the man I once was alive.

"Why not both?" three distinct yet familiar voices taunted. The loudest, deepest voice continuing,

"They offered you god hood, yet you turned it down. They gave you a chance on both ends, but you chose to trade in their fears, learning from their mistakes, Forcing us, and into the position you're in." The voice sounded almost disappointed.

"Thomas I'm.. I'm sorry but.."

"LET ME FINISH" the voice boomed, "YOU, got us killed, yet we chose to stay with you till the end, knowing we would die in service to you, and I knew how it would end. I shared this with you yet, you still blame yourself?" Thomas' voice chided. Thomas had a point, I got them killed so why do I blame them, because the human part of me chose to let them die. No.

" Thomas, you know it was my fault, so why are you scolding me? Besides your dead, how is it you're speaking with me?"

"Because" Thomas's voice started to morph, changing tune to a more bitter sweet voice, Aprils voice," you choose to hear us, but only because your a sad, broken mess that doesn't belong anywhere." April continued" But if you believe that, your just as broken and lost as a human.." The voice morphed again, April's voice being replaced with a more rugged, sharp voice"yet the beauty is, you're as lost as us." Luke finished. I didn't understand, could understand. I began to yell

"WHO AM I!?? WHAT AM I!??"

"LOST" the voices yelled"BROKEN!!" they yelled louder"FORGOTTEN"

Weeping with anger I asked"Then how do I make them remember?"

" The same way you were forgotten, SLAUGHTER THEM!!!"