Impossible love

Broken heart

I couldn't sleep all night i barley managed to sleep couple of hours, Dylan was such a pain for saying he will be there for her like god dammit she's my wife! Did she after everything happened had enough of me, will she ever forgive me for what i've done, i mean i admit I wasn't the best husband of the month, has it been a month or more two or more? I'm not sure anymore it felt like forever... but she sure changed a lot of stuff in my life, i took her for granted thinking i could win this in my way but she beat me to it, now I don't want her to leave.

Yesterday after ryan called me saying that Jeff was searching for us I remembered that i forgot all about going to propose to ashley so i went to Jeff and cleared it out to him that I didn't wanna marry his daughter but seems like he didn't like that i backed down, I never wanted to marry ashley to begin with, i don't even wanna marry her i mean she's nice and all but I'm married already and hanging her is no good, selena is more than enough at keeping me on my toes I didn't need Jeff to know about our marriage and he sure will kill me then. I felt shiver all over my body, god no please. I took a deep breath and let it out.

I couldn't believe that i actually cried because of Selena i love her, i really do, i want her in my life now but i still can't tell my parents i mean, mom is in ashley's subject with no going back i still haven't seen her yet, dad loves Selena he will give me his blessing on our marriage but he might get mad that I didn't inform him before. On the other hand Selena mom and Brian will kill me if they knew what i did to her all this time, Brian sure wants me died i mean i took his considered daughter and look what i did. I took a photo that dropped from Selena yesterday, in the photo Selena and i looking at each other in the eyes, I could tell that we really do love each other i've never felt like this before but i do love her. Back when things were simpler in texas... Okay i'm done thinking i need to take a full shower and change-
"Justin" mom was yelling, as hazel swing the door open
"Justin, run now, your mom is so mad"
"What?"
"Your mom is angry that you will not marry Ashley, so run while you can!"
"Dammit" i sat up
"Do you want me to go insane!" She was yelling her head off, i run to my closet and grabbed a t-shirt and a pants, i slide my feet in my shoes as i grabbed my keys and opened the window quickly climbing on the roof and sliding down the rope i used to do it a lot when i was little but now i'd be scared it would break off but mom will kill me so it's this or that
"Justin if you ran to the end of the world you'd marry the girl i choose do you hear me" she was yelling from my window. I run to my car and turn it on as i drive off quickly.

I sat in a restaurant near the ocean waiting for Ryan and Chaz until they come, it's not even 10 yet i woke them and inform them to come and being the good friends that they are they came
"What's wrong so early in the morning on the weekend" Ryan was not happy and grumpy in the morning at the sudden call
"I didn't even eat breakfast yet, I'm exhausted"
"It's Selena" i sigh feeling sick, i really miss her
"She's your wife when are you gonna face the fact and accept her, knowing you no girl will even marry you expect Ashley that's dying to marry you" Ryan took a seat
"Why you always cause troubles for her then blame her" Chaz sat next to me
"She broke up with me" i said feeling my heart break again for the millionth time now, there faces dropped
"What did you do?" Ryan tried to keep calm
"It's just" i tried to collect my thoughts "she was mad and wanted to talk but mom had plans of going to Ashley's house to ask for her hand in marriage, i think that what really set her mind, I didn't go with mom plan but not because it was my choice, she left and i felt so sick and i don't know what's wrong with me, my heart is so heavy and i'm tired"
"You're in love. That what happened"  Chaz suddenly was interested in the subject, i really wanted to laugh and say you wish but actually he's right i think i really am head over heels for her, I don't know when or how but suddenly when she left i really felt the pain, it's too much
"I don't know what to do"
"Sleep in front of her house then" Chaz said
"He can't do that, he already did it before and it was just for a game, she will not believe him even if it's real this time"
"Then we will tie you there stay rotten, hungry plus cry every now and then" the hell is wrong with chaz and his crazy ideas? Oh right he's hungry...
"Chaz, seriously" all i miss is his ideas when he's hungry
"Take 1 kilo of chocolate, simple and elegant with flowers and take her on a date plus sincerely apologize to her and this time prove it" this actually sounds like an idea "what type of flower she likes?" Ryan asked then took a sip from the coffee in front of him while waiting for my answer
"I don't know" i sigh "i never asked her, i tried to recall if she just mentioned it by chance
"What did you ask about her? Like how deep do you know about her" Chaz asked, i thought deep, how well do i know her, she's not like other girls, i can't buy something expensive for her and she will jump back to my arms, she loves love.. date, simple, sincere, if i bought something expensive without actually being honest about apologizing to her she will not accept it- "you don't know what she likes and hates..huh" Chaz rolled his eyes "all you did is be mean and lying to her, any girl would leave" any girl expect for Ashley, i really hope Jeff understood me and will not let me marry her, it's unfair to her because i love Selena. I let out a sigh "let the chocolate and flowers on a side, i need to actually change her mind"
"Should she say Justin and run back? Do you think what you did to her can be forgiven easily" Chaz was throwing words at me, i know he's right but he's not helping because i know i'm wrong that's why i need someone else's guidance not blaming
"You're dumb. I know I'm wrong that's why i came her to fix it not to tell me that i'm wrong as if i don't know it already!" I snapped
"Well you messed up big time, that's what you do best" he snapped back
"Guys stop it!" Ryan put his coffee down "Justin since day one when you met the girl and all you ever did was trying to break up with her, now you're planning on returning her, make up your mind so we help you, we can't go back and forth on her. She's a human" i sigh "you're in love you have to stop denying it" well i'm not denying it
"This is not our subject she's my wife, i need her back, you know last time Dylan bought a telescope for her" i opened my arms "i'll bring for her another one bigger and better than his" i nodded to my idea, yep brilliant
"Send her to mars, better"
"Chaz. Enough!" I can't handle him making fun of me anymore "i'll send you to mars if you keep up with this attitude" i stood up as ryan held my chest
"Chaz we know that you're hungry but don't make things difficult"
"He's saying a bigger telescope. If he wants to show her how much money he have then buy a diamond ring..." Chaz has a point making me look down feeling ashamed
"Mom bought one to Ashley and she tried it on Selena's finger" i felt guilt build up "then the problem grew that's when she left after taking the ring off her finger, she packed up and left me"
"Then she's mad. You didn't stood up to her, to your marriage. Let alone the date and plans but your mom had the plan of getting you to marry Ashley and at last you let your mom try the ring on your actual wife and still let it go over her" Ryan collected the events "if i were her I'd burn you alive so consider your self lucky that she left" i let out a heavy sigh thinking the heaviness that settled in my chest would go but instead it got heavier
"Still if you bought her a ring and admit your love and ask for her forgiveness in a way that makes her happy, she might forgive you but you need to work really hard to change her mind" Chaz now was serious.
                    ————————————
I tried to call her several times but she wouldn't answer any of my calls, each time i felt more heaviness, more suffocating, i'd wish to see just the seconds noting of her answering my calls, yell at me, argue with me..anything is better than ignoring me. I bought her a diamond ring but i have a feeling that she will not like it, she's not the type who'd get swoon over a expensive things, she'd like something more with my own effort such as going there but she wouldn't replay, i miss her, i really do.
My phone ring  making me wishing that it's her but it was Brian, i picked it up
"Hello"
"Justin. I need to see you in an hour i have something for you, can we meet near the park" my heart dropped what does he have that i need to see him?
"Yea. Sure, see you then" he hang up, i pressed my lips together .
Exactly an hour from his call he came to the park
"Hello, sir. How are you?" I stood up quickly
"I'll not stay for long. Take this" he gave me the red box "she doesn't want it, i'll not throw it so you might need it's money" i closed my hand on the box
"Can we just speak for a moment" i suggest
"It's a waste of my time, you fooled me once but you can never fool me again" i look down at the box and opened it to see the ring still there
"Did Selena saw the ring?"
"What would change if so?"
"So she didn't see it. Right?" I looked at him, is he trying to tear us apart?
"Let's say that she did what would change" he looks mad already "i have a lot of harsh things to say but i rather not waste my time on you. Just so Selena doesn't get upset on me, let us return to the day that we never met you!" He start to get even madder "don't text, call or come near us. Don't even send stuff or whatsoever i hope you just go away as smooth as you came in, don't interfere with us anymore, if Selena told you to get divorce then work on it, it's not like you loved or care about her before let's not mention that you still hide it from your parents so the sooner you finish this the better" he walked away and look back "and don't think she will fall for your money because she's not a gold digger" he glares at me before he walk off again. I really wanted to get mad at him but i know that it's my fault, i mean he's right, none of this would happen if I didn't marry her for a bet and end up loving her then hide it from my parents and drag her through this whole mess, for once i really hate myself for not thinking of it through, she was out of my league from the beginning she wanted something serious and she told me so from the start but i just focused on not loosing my car that i end up loosing it to my dad then thanks to her he returned it. Did i though if i married her she'd let me run and stay back while i get to keep my single life responsibility free? I really messed up her life. I let out a sigh after taking a deep breath, the more i look at the diamond ring the more i suffocate, i took it out the box, i saw a woman with her kid begging for money, i walked to her
"Ma'am" i took her hand and put the ring on it "here, a gift from me, sell it to have the money" i smile at her as she looked at it for a moment then at me
"Oh god" she gasps "is it..?" She looked so surprised
"If you sell it you will have good amount for you and for your kid" i messed the kid messy head "have a nice day" i got up and walked away. You know there's a thing i heard from my dad that if you're in a bad mood or bad things keep happening to you do a good deed so god will make you feel relief, I don't know how true could it be but it makes me feel better especially that it will make others happy, It's like they could be so happy and i'll feel better despite what's happening around me.
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At night i went to meet Ryan, he was drinking coffee on a bunch in a park
"Hey what's wrong?" I took a seat next to him
"I'm depressed"
"Me too, she didn't replay to my calls or messages all day"
"She will not replay at all"
"You know Brian didn't even show her the ring"
"He's interfering?! how low of him" i nodded
"My problem is already known but what about you" i asked feeling bad that i complained when he was the one feeling down
"You know, you never loved Caitlin but I've always liked her" that a thing everybody knows, Ryan had a crush on Caitlin ever since he met her but he never admit it before because he knew that she loved me and me being me played around and date her, but after Selena i broke up with her and she got over me
"What does Caitlin have to do with this? i mean you like her but what happened?"
"I asked her out, she said she's looking for a serious, long relationship" is it a trend or are we at the age of every girl had enough of dating and wanted a marriage and a family "she said if i wanna see her it's better that we marry each other, if not i'll never see her again"
"Okay...?"
"You don't get it. I can't just marry her i barely knew her, i knew her from afar, how can I decide on that"
"Well then propose to her and get engaged that's how you can actually date her and see how you both handle each other" i suggest "if all too well get married if not break off"
"I don't wanna break her heart" he let out a heavy sigh "i don't wanna speak about it anymore i feel that you've dated her in the past and-"
"I don't love her man, i'm married and i really have a thing for Selena, not like any other girls" i tap his shoulder "thank you for being honest with me Ryan" he look at me for a moment and nodded with a smile
"So what you'll do about it, i mean Selena and Brian now, what are you planning to do?" I dropped my hands to my sides
"I don't know why Brian is trying to separate us i mean i know i was wrong before but i'm serious about my feelings now"
"Of course he will not trust you easily but he should stay out of it, it's up to Selena to reject or accept" i nodded "can i ask you a question and answer me honestly?"
"Yea absolutely"
"If she returned what are you gonna do about it"
"What gonna happen" i got confused
"I'm the one asking.. if so then you don't know what next, you think you will apologize and she will return? Justin she have dignity she held on because you're her husband but this time she will not return easily"
"What are you saying?" i almost know what he's saying but i'm scared of the truth
"I'll be crystal clear with you. Will you admit to your parents and be honest about your marriage?"
"You mean" i played with my fingers getting nervous, mom will flip out
"Part of you is saying good thing she left and part of you is dying to get her back, i mean i know that you're sincere about your feelings toward her but are you for real admitting or at least tell them that you love her and you'll marry her" he sat straight "you're fighting with yourself, for me i know what i want, i told Caitlin i love her and she said if so let's marry or else none, i'm pretty sure Selena was clear on this otherwise you'd never married her" he's right she was honest and wanted to get married, no games no lies but all i did was exactly games and lies "this is your own war, do what you want, as for me i'll think about it, i'm serious about her so i might as well marry her" how can he be sure about it i mean, maybe her or his parents will disagree and family issues and responsibilities
"they say if you fell in love you will go above and beyond, you'll do what you thoughts is not possible" was all i said
"you're in love from the beginning you just didn't realized it"
"what am i supposed to do? i'm in love, i'm scared and confuse, i can't go back or come to a solution"
"i can't find a solution to myself to find for you, plus Selena is your wife while Caitlin is not my wife and i have to think of marriage out of blue. this is marriage not a game" i look down feeling my throat burning, my heart heavy, my head hurt like hell i don't know what to do anymore "i love her i'm not ready to get married yet, I've always thought of falling in love until i find the one for me not find the one and suddenly marry her, this is a life changing" he's more responsible than i am, we've been friends since forever but his thinking is way more older than all of us
"I can't choose, i mean Selena's my wife, i love her, i miss her...I want her back" my throat start to pain making my voice crack "I can't live without her yet i'm scared and i can't....I can't even see her anymore" now i whisper "She's my wife, mine..." I hit my chest hoping the pain will just disappear "How can i not see her and make it right.. I want her, I've been bad to her but i'm scared I've never thought i'd feel this way before that's why i ran away, I didn't wanna admit that i love her, I though if i acted like nothing happened that we're not married i'll not fall in love deeper and i'll remove her from my life as easy as i bought her into it but i'm head over heels even after all i did" Tears burn down my cheeks "I have to see her, I wanna see her and hug her at least once, my head, my heart i'm all a mess without her" I wiped my tears but more tears rained down, Ryan hugged me
"Calm down" he tried to sooth me
"She's my wife, she's my love, she's my everything i can't loose her" i cried more, i feel so weak, so hopeless, so lost
"It's okay, we will fix it, don't worry".

I had a dream of Selena she was wearing white, she looked so beautiful, her hair down in waves
"Selena, i'm so sorry, i broke your heart and made you cry, please come back i miss you. you're my wife, the only girl i love. forgive me. i love you" she smile sweetly "who gonna tease me and bother me all day, i wouldn't replace you ever and i'm sorry, you're my love, my soul, my everything".