i woke up the next day with the feeling i hadn't even slept. i couldn't remember when i fell asleep but i was awake before anyone else. six o'clock. i sat up, hugged my duvet in my arms arms and looked at the girls around the room. pansy parkinson has her duvet over her head, feet poking out of the bottom. a few of her dark strands poked out of the covers. she must be boiling. i leaned down and looked at my things under my bed. took out my memory box and looked through it whilst i was the only one awake. the sun was shining through the windows and i could feel the rays warming my skin. i took off the lid and took out my photos. i watched my mother's auburn hair swish back and forth endlessly in the picture of me and her on my seventh birthday. we look nothing alike. she is tan, freckly with long flowing auburn hair and is 5"4. i've got dark, thick hair reaching just under my collarbone. i've pale skin with clashing rosy cheeks. i have boring brown eyes and i'm tall, boys don't like tall girls. boys like girls like mara. and cinnamon. i wish i looked more like my mother.
i flicked through the photos. my family, my friends, my owl, minnie. i neatly tucked away the photos and took a look at the friendship bracelet my muggle best friend gave me when i was six. after, i lifted out my diary and put away my memory box. i flicked through the chunky pages and read my last entry. right before the first day of third year. i took out my inkless magic quill and wrote;
dear diary,
i've been having some strange feelings recently. about many things. i haven't written anything in quite a while, my story the background girl is on the verge of collecting dust. i haven't had much inspiration for it.. which in the case of what the story is about i guess it is a good thing. i've been feeling less of a background character in people's lives at the moment. could it possibly have something to do with my loss of a friend? not to sound horrid, but i was always walking on eggshells around cin. she judged me for everything i said and was obnoxiously jealous of mine and mara's friendship. she always tried to make a fool out of us in front of boys. she was quite insecure. i've also been having some mixed feelings about
i was embarrassed even writing about it in a private book. i sighed and carried on.
draco malfoy. yes, i know. obviously i hate him. he's horrible. he's racist! especially to hermione simply for being muggle-born. i hate him. but even so.. i feel like i'm on fire when i'm around him, when he looks at me i feel like he has reached into my chest and is squeezing my heart, simply to test my self control.
i was shocked at myself whilst writing this. i hadn't realised how i felt until i read back what i had already written. i shut my the book and to my surprise, pansy parkinson was sat bolt right up in her bed, two meters away from me, watching.
"what's that" she asked. she only seemed to care because she is so nosy. she really did not like me. i'm not quite sure why.
"oh it's just a book. what time is it?"i asked,hoping she would scowl and turn away.
"half six."
she walked off, out of the room with that. strange.
later that day, i was in charms class sat next to, yes you guessed it. i was angry at him for making me feel confused so i tried to act like i was in a bad mood so he wouldn't talk to me. his face was expressionless but his eyes followed me as i walked into the room. i threw my books down onto the table in a temper and then huffed as i sat down in a chair. draco was smiling. i think i drew more attention to myself whilst i meant to ostracise myself.
"ooooo! someone's touchy today!"
blaise laughed through his nose and i glared at malfoy. i must've hurt his feelings or something because he didn't speak for a good 10 minutes.
"what were you doing last night?" he asked me, in a quiet, soft tone of voice i'd never heard him use before.
"i was reading a textbook. keyword is was until you came in and distracted me." i tried to make myself sound as calm as possible, when all i could really think about was his minty breath on my collarbone. i hate him.
"do.. do you sit in the common room often? i usually go there on a night and i've never seen you there before."
he was having a civilised conversation with me and it felt strange.
"well usually i would sit in my bed and do it but nosy pansy is next to me this year so i figured even the freezing common room was better."
draco laughed and i couldn't help but let out a smile. he had such a nice laugh.
"she is so nosy isn't she? it's quite scary sometimes if i'm honest, some of the things she says." he said, not making eye contact and smiling at his wand.
i looked at him, raised eyebrows and started laughing.
"what?"
"no, no nothing it's just.. well she is always up your backside trying to impress you, you know so you'll like her."
we both laughed. it was strange, talking to draco like this. he was forever making witty remarks to anyone he didn't like.
"well i don't. you know, i don't like her."
he paused and looked at me out of the corner of his eye. i pretended i didn't hear him but i think he knew i did.
i heard crabbe ask blaise in a hush tone who draco was talking to, but blaise didn't get the discreet memo and said quite loudly;
"that potter girl. you know.. no surprise there."
they both giggled like little girls. draco looked alarmed and kicked blaise under the table. i acted like i took no notice, but in actuality i was dying to know what they were referring to.
the calm draco didn't last all day, though. in care of magical creatures draco started to make fun of harry for the fact he was attacked by a dementor on the train to school. he was being such a dick so i shoved him and walked off with harry. i looked back and draco looked honestly quite offended. good.
just a little while later in that class hagrid was showing us buckbeak and harry got to fly on him! but draco, being as stupid as he is walked right up to buckbeak and declared;
"yeah you're not dangerous at all are you? you great ugly brute"
he is an idiot because hagrid has said to not insult him.
the hippogriff stood on his back legs and attacked draco, scratching his arm with its great claws.
my heart pounded in my chest and i grabbed harry's shoulder, i was terrified of something happening to him.
harry looked confused on why i even cared about what happened to draco and honestly so was i.
"hagrid he needs to be taken to the hospital!"
i couldn't stand watching him lying on the floor like that and thought about following him but didn't want to cause suspicion. luckily, he had only hurt his arm slightly.
after school i was pacing back and forth, deciding whether or not to go see draco in the hospital. i settled on no. he would be coming out soon, and i would wait in the common room and ten thirty for him to bump into me. i hated that i wanted this to happen. i hated him. i hate him.
just as i was walking down to the common room with my scruffy pages of the background girl as i was going to write to pass the time pansy parkinson walked into me. she looked curious and as if she was contemplating saying something.
"..grace?" she asked. i had a gut feeling this was not going to go well.
"do you.. have.. how do i say this.. feelings? for malfoy?"
i was taken aback. where was this coming from?
she frowned because i wasn't responding.
"what? ew no. where did you get that from? i replied, sounding as convincing as i possibly could.
"oh.. nowhere.. crabbe, goyle and blaise mentioned something about it.. more about him than you." this seemed to irritate her greatly.
"whatever." she shoved past me and i didn't really know what to take from it. what had draco been saying about me? i was wearing my emerald green velvet pyjama shorts and top with my velvet blanket because it is so cold in the common room. i wrapped myself up and the words started flowing and i almost didn't notice draco's presence gliding to the foot of the couch. it was like he was scared to be close to me.
"great. again. you. here." it was almost as if he was trying to sound pissed off about it, but he really just sounded smug.
"actually i was here first. you followed me in here. 'think you have an obsession, malfoy.'"
he bit his lip to prevent from laughing and i remembered how goodlooking he was. i buried my head in my story so i wouldn't blush. i heard him pull one of the fancy chairs next to where my head was on the couch. i ignored it. but then i could feel him staring at me and it felt like death by a thousand cuts...
