(graces perspective)
it's friday and i am sick to my stomach. the thought of attending the yule ball baffles me for many reasons.
i would be going with draco malfoy.
i would have to dress up and probably end up crying my eyeliner off because i would hate the way i look.
everyone would be talking about me and draco.
it would mean me admitting feelings for draco. not just to myself, but to the entire school.
and what if draco expects me to dress up and be glowingly beautiful? i can't imagine how large the pit in my stomach would be to see his face when he realises i'm not what he had hoped.
i slouched down onto my bed, almost banging my head on the posts.
i thought about mar's proposal. she suggested that i get ready, she do my makeup and hair and i see how i feel about going then. i rejected her at the time, but it seemed like a logical idea now. so i went to the lake to find her sat against a tree, smiling with seamus finnigan and dean matthews. i knew she would be going to the ball with seamus but it's was odd to see her hanging out with them considering she never really associated herself with gryffindors. she looked up and her eyes smiled as she attempted to lift her self off of the ground. seamus turned around with eyebrows raised to see mara running up and hugging me.
"what's the verdict?" her voice sounded joking but her face was serious.
i smiled as i realised i had been pulling a straight face.
"i want to get ready and i'll decide then."
i couldn't help myself from smiling at the excitement she showed.
she squealed and clapped whilst holding my wrist. mara turned to seamus and told him that we were going to get ready. i was quite happy, i enjoyed this part, i just didn't enjoy the way i looked afterwards.
we trotted in unison, arms linked up the outdoor stairs and through the common room. i was grinning at whatever mara was saying. i didn't even know, just her bubbliness always made me laugh. she was just so friendly and nice. (when she wanted to be, she seemed to be able to switch up in seconds.) my smile faded as i saw crabbe, goyle, zabini, pansy and cinnamon all sat on the chairs. i hadn't noticed until i saw out of the corner of my eye that mara's face had completely dropped and her hand was shaking in mine. as we walked through pansy and cinnamon giggled like silly little girls and cinnamon looked us up and down, as if they had been waiting for us all day to do that. i rolled my eyes and was about to walk on until i noticed zabini's eyebrows raised and lips pressed into a thin line. he was nudging goyle who looked up and smiled with his wonky teeth and began laughing. i walked off with mar saying out loud - though i actually didn't mean for it to come out - "ugh" they all laughed behind me and you know what? i couldn't care less.
the lingering thought in my head was where is draco? i don't think i had ever seen them all together without him. i wonder what he's up to...
i was sat on a cushion on the dorm room floor as mara was getting all of her makeup set out. i loved having my makeup done but i hated the way i looked afterwards. i expect to look beautiful and then just let myself down.
we were both silent and i started to think about how much i - physically and as a person - have changed over the years. i'm fourteen now and i'm so different? i know it's random. it just confuses me sometimes.
after a short hour mar was done with my makeup. i looked in the mirror and, to be honest it wasn't what i was expecting at all. she had somehow made my pale skin look marble-smooth and glossy. the black eyeliner made my eyes look eccentric and the very subtle nude lipstick had my lips looking peachy. my cheeks were a soft pink and overall i actually looked quite pretty. i was doing my own hair as i'm quite good at it. i curled it with a charm i'd picked up a few weeks ago and then brushed through with a hair drying brush. i did one tiny random plait because why not? i clasped it all up into a messy, curly bun at the back with bouncy curly strands out at the front. the only feature i really like about myself is my thick black hair. it stands out.
i caught myself eyeing my face in the mirror. it wasn't what i was expecting, but i looked okay. no where near as revolting as i had expected. i was so caught up in the fun of getting all dressed up the anxiety of whether or not i should even go to the ball had long gone. i had completely forgotten everything and my best friend and i were twirling around in our pyjamas yet extravagant hair and makeup to new romantics. it was magical. as magical as it can be without actual magic. i was the happiest i had been in at least a week because i was only focused on what was happening right now, aabd that was snorting out laughing at the fact i can absolutely not sing at all.
i decided to go find my dress that i had previously bought for the ball a few months ago because mar had convinced me it would come in handy. it's an emerald green mermaid shape dress, with jewels and lavish glitter clung all around it. a dress like that was bound to make anyone look like a slytherin princess.
i jumped around the room trying to yank it on and had mar zip me up. i looked well and truly lovely.
(to see grace's dress go to @gracesdracofanfic13 on instagram)
me and mar were rating each others spins and how good our dress looked at speed - hers looked so flowy and beautiful.
after a good few hours had passed of us acting nothing like the delicate polite disney princesses we looked like, i realised it was 7:38 and my stomach sank. now i was going to have to make the decision on whether to admit feelings for a bully and child of loyal death eaters to the ENTIRE school, or whether i hurt him and break my own heart in the process. i wanted to see the ball, i knew that once i saw draco, in my heart i would know the right decision. so i put on my velvet black heels and stared at the girl in the mirror.. what if he saw me and wished i never turned up?
mar was heading out of the door so i followed after her, she was going to the fat lady painting to wait for seamus and i was going to go to the girls bathrooms to think things through whilst no doubt being harassed by moaning myrtle.
i was sat on the toilet seat, clutching the train of my dress in my hands begging to dear god i wouldn't cry so that i wouldn't ruin my makeup - i needed to decide now. myrtle was being nosy as per and she peeked over the toilet stall, giggling.
"damsel in distress?"
she said, sniggering as she flew off like a feather.
i cleared my throat as i spoke
"um.. yeah. you could say that. hey myrtle, can i ask you something?"
she looked down, obviously intrigued.
"anything!" she squeaked out with her palms under her chin centimetres away from my face.
"if someone does bad things.. does that make them a bad person?"
myrtle pouted and tapped her chin, taking my question very seriously.
"it depends on the circumstances."
"right - yes. also, if someone does bad things, but you know they're not bad.. but, well i guess they are bad but.. myrtle do you think bad people who are good at heart deserve a chance at love?"
i was breathing heavily, i don't know why i was relying on her opinion so much it's moaning myrtle, but i was still taking it into account and it would still probably be a largely contributing factor to my decision.
"well i think everyone deserves love. it's whether the love makes them become a better person. but of course, no one thinks I deserve love. annoying, whining moaning myrtle deserves nothing!"
she had upset herself and flew into the stall opposite me crying.
although she circled back to her self as she always does, what myrtle said made sense. i decided i needed to see draco and i knew that my heart would tell me what to do.
