I Wish I Was Special

Chapter 16

Any good songs? 😊

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I turned on the TV in my room and started watching Frozen. The movie would never get bored for me, "You're 17!" I talked to myself. After I watched movie. I opened my phone and went to Youtube.
I watched Zoella's video about 'Anxiety'.

Zoella is gorgeous but she has anxiety too. I love her and I wanted to meet her. She is good at explaining about anxiety, panic attack and depression. I started having anxiety when my dad mentioned 'Liverpool' when we were in America.

There was another video by Kian Lawley, he talked about anxiety too and he said he felt unwanted, alone and he felt in the dark corner. I felt alone too, I didn't have enough friends at school.

I quoted those words what Kian said on the video,
"Anxiety isn't fear. It's something completely different it's in my mind, worse." He is not my favorite youtuber but I watched some videos about anxiety.

I locked my room and wanted to cry, I started thinking negatively in my room. I was depressed of being called a slut. Did I look like a slut?.

I wanted to talk to my mom about that but she wouldn't believe. I was very happy in America than in England.

When I was at the meet and greet, I didn't have anxiety at all. I was very excited to be around with the fans even I didn't know them all, I went there with some friends. There were a lot of viners there.

I started crying how I missed my old friends so much.
I felt ugly and like a slut.
I was thinking about suicide.
I wish I could get away from here. I saw myself in the mirror again.
What if I punched the girls so hard?.
My parents didn't want to be called to school.

I didn't want to get out of my room even I was hungry. My mom called me like five times to have a dinner, but I didn't want to get out.

I was very tired of being sad.

There was a razor in my bathroom, I wanted to cut myself. I got the razor in my hand.
I was thinking, "Who am I? Why am I here? I'm alone, slut! No one likes me, I want to die. I hate myself so much. I'm sorry, I hate everything. I'm sorry, everyone hates me and I hate me too. I'm sick of saying sorry." There were a lot of scars in my hands, It was hurt.

Words hurt.

Next morning, I skipped school.

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A week later...

Luckily this uniform had a blazer for covering my scars. I walked in to school and I didn't talk to anyone at school. I saw them looking at me with a serious look, I looked down.

They didn't notice I was sad, but they saw me alone. There were a group of girls again came to me, Molly with her friends again.

They blocked my way that I wanted to walk to the classroom and Molly smiled at me with an evil look, "Look at this stupid bitch American girl, she is like a slut, right?" they were around me and Molly was standing in front of me, the girls laughed at me.

I couldn't scream, I needed a help but I just couldn't. One of her friends whispered Molly but I could hear it, "Pull her hair and make her cry!" both of them laughed. I didn't put anything on my hair and they pulled my hair so hard and they made my hair was messy. I couldn't scream, I was scared of them.

I hope Andrew came but he didn't come. One of her hair who was standing next to her whispered Molly but I still could hear it, "She was flirting with Andrew last week! I saw her after school and they kissed!" I gasped and my eyes got bigger, I wanted to say "No" but I couldn't.

After Molly heard that, she slapped me so hard and her friends pushed me until I fell down to the floor. No one helped me, No one cared about me.

Molly bent down her body and slapped my face once again so hard.
Then they left.

Andrew was Molly's boyfriend? Why didn't he tell me that she was dating Molly?

I ran to the toilet and I brushed my hair again with my fingers though I didn't have a brush in my bag. I washed my face and saw myself in the mirror again and said, "You are Jessie! You don't deserve to get bullied! Stand up, Jessie!" I was talking to the mirror.

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