Nice to meet you, where've you been? I could show incredible things.
Clingy? Ask my exes. Using boys to write songs? Allgedly. Insane. They'll tell you I am. Its crazy that what actually goes on is manipulated and taken out of context and used for their own malicious intentions. Now that my name is out there, every mistake I made will be put under a microscope and will be pondered and speculated about by many. There's this comfort that I found over the years when it comes to the title of this crazy girlfriend that uses men to inspire her for songs. Then I embraced it and turned it into a song that people obsess over.
Its a quarter to midnight and I'm still up reading Twitter comments.
I've been reading stuff like "if she writes songs about her exes and boys know that but still want to be with her isn't that a good thing?", and " if she wrote a song about the hate that she gets , that would be the biggest move in music history", . The fans are sweet. And the haters are too, but in a different way. Now that I think about it all the bad things that have happened in my life fueled the songs that I've written. And they become huge. So I'll remember to to keep my friends close and my enemies closer.
If my life was perfect, my music would be more beige. So I put my phone to charge and I went straight to sleep.
Find out what you want, be that girl for a month, wait, the worst is yet to come.
I rested my head on a pillow. I was in Rhode Island for the weekend. Meredith and Olivia were basically wrestling. "Olivia, Meridith, stop!" I pullled those two fiesty kittens apart. They were brawling for god knows how long.
I heard a knock on my front door. I, was upstairs. I shouted "Its open!",. I saw the for opening, and I didn't expect anyone coming.
"Hi," the guy said.
"Sean!!!", I yelled in excitement. "Let me get dressed."
I was walking down the stairs after I was changing. I didn't see Sean anywhere. "Sean?", I was looking for him. As I enters the dining room, I saw Sean in one of the chairs. He sure was making himself seem like he's at home. I straightened my dress as I made my way to one of the seats, and thats as all the had his eyes on. I saw this look of interest his eyes.
We talked and talked for hours about nothing. He laughed, I laughed, I even made jokes. And he laughed some more.
The he got up and went over and a vinyl record player. He held out his hand. "Shall we?", he invited me to dance. I smiled in approval. Then started an impromptu dance and we started covering more ground in my house than a professional track racer would do in 10 laps.
Im a nightmare dressed like a daydream.
The day seemed longer than it was supposed to be. I slipped into a picnic outfit while Sean dressed up in something more casual. I was resting my head on his lap. He rested his hand on his knee. We were outside at my backyard and we had an impromptu picnic. So many impropmtus. We were under the sun and not under the eyes of a million people. And somehow, it felt to good to be true.
He was texting someone. And I was staring at the sky. Then I was curious as to who he was texting. I felt a sudden urge to snatch his phone from him. And I did.
" Who are you texting?" I asked him nicely.
I saw he was texting some girl saying "I love you,". I immediately got up, infuriated. The look on his face was the exact reaction that any cheating guy would have. "Its not what it looks like!",
I quickly ran towards the fountain and threatened to drop his phone.
" Why are you even upset," he said in defence, "its not like we're dating!", and he was more than right. And at that very moment, I felt like I actually was clingy. I was so upset that he was right, I dropped he phone in the fountain before could even consider resisting. He just watched as the phone slipped from my hand, and when it did, he just threw his hand into the sky and admitted defeat.
Back at the house, he tried to come after me to find out why I was acting all crazy. I, in true man-eating form, ran off storming to get the guy running after me. He grabbed me by my arm and I immideatly shook it off.
"Look," I didn't even turn to face him. "I don't see why you're so mad,".
"Shut up and get out!!!", I yelled at the top of my lungs. He just stood there like an innocent, harmless man. He looked defeated at that point. " I was calling my mom," his hands were in my face. "Oh,". His face started to show some sense of relief. Then I grabbed him by the face. He slowly began to collect himself. Then my nails started to dig into is cheek. "You lied," that fear on his face returned. "You were texting, not calling." Then I threw his face from my violent embrace.
Boys only want love if it's torture,
Don't say I didn't say, I didn't warn you.
I ran outside with a golf club. He was biting at my heels. He didn't know that I was racing him to his car. That antique, reportably million dollar, rare, priceless car. When is stopped in front of it, he looked worried. And he was only right to be. I started to taunt him by air smashing his car. "No," he shook his head. "No, no, no, no, just no."
I smashed his car. I did. There was glass- shattered pieces of glass, flying around like little houseflies. He was shocked as hell. He couldn't believe his eyes, and they were open wider than the distance between my room and the kitchen. And my house is big. He fell to the ground. He couldn't have expected his day to play out this way. And for the very last time, I grab his face. And bit his lip. And that bite was sinful, seductive, and--
"Ahhhhh!!!!", Sean woke up. So I guess the kiss was resurrection. If not I would leave him fainted- or dead, the very second I'm done making out with him. He got up and hopped into his car. His very, terribly, once millions of dollars worth, now worthless car. He drove away, and that was the first time that I actually had a goodbye kiss. Even if he wasn't aware at the moment, and even if it lasted for a second, I actually kissed someone goodbye, literally.
I watched him drive off like his life depended on every inch that he could get away from me.
But I got a Blank Space baby, and I'll write your name
I woke up. And it was 7 am. And I was in the pyjamas i wore the night before. And that was all a dream. I wrapped a fuzzy sweater and walked out. My fountain was free of any expensive phones. I ran out to my front yard and I didn't see any glass shattered. So it was a dream. At least now I have inspiration for a new music video.
What is the blank space actually? Is it my heart? Where its completely empty and I'm okay with that? The fact that my love life is now a blank page, there's plenty of space for some one new. Its just I rather leave it blank for a while, considering the fact that I'm so happy with how my life is now? And the blank space at my infinitely long lost of ex lovers. One day, I'll find someone that wouldn't end up on the list, and he'll be the one who'll be with me forever, and will treat me right. But for now, I'm really content with how content I am.
