kalopsia [harry styles]

5

(fallon's apartment sortof)

FALLON COLLINS

I spent half of the next day deciding on what to wear.

It was my first time going out in a while, and I was surprised I hadn't declined Harry's offer, though part of me knew that he wouldn't have let me dip on his plans.

I hadn't gone partying in months; something about it seemed kind of intimidating when you didn't know anyone there, but I figured that I knew Harry, so at least I wouldn't be alone.

Still, I couldn't help but be nervous. I didn't know who I would meet or what I would say... what if I fell down on the dance floor? I cringe to myself at the thought, shaking it out of my head.

God, that would be such an embarrassment. I would literally die if that happened.

The good thing was that Nadia was coming with me. Of course, I didn't even have to tell her twice and she was already jumping at the opportunity of meeting Harry and potentially the other band members. I really wouldn't have been surprised if she ended up going home with one of them, and I didn't blame her. If I had her confidence and looks I would totally take advantage of them.

There was a time when I went clubbing literally every weekend. Without a fail. If i think back on it now, it was actually crazy, but back then it was euphoric.

We had fake id's, but we barely used them since Faith always found a way for the bouncer to let us through (I think it involved some kind of bribing if you know what I mean), and then once inside she'd always work her charm to get us free drinks.

She was like that, always drawing in attention, always getting what she wanted.

I mostly went for her sake, but I also liked it for myself. It was my time to pretend like I was the most free, most confident, badass version of myself, and while Faith was talking with guys double our age, I would be enjoying my moment out of her shadow.

Of course, the night would always end up with me taking her home and making sure that we didn't get caught or that she didn't choke on her own vomit, but I enjoyed those thirty minutes of freedom.

I'm halfway to my bedroom when I halt mid step, suddenly realizing.

It's the first time I actually get to out since she died.

I won't have to look after her, I won't have to make sure I don't get too drunk so that I can take care of her. I won't have to keep an eye out to make sure she isn't getting raped by some weirdo.

Guilt nips at the bottom of my chest, because as much as I miss her, I can't help but be relieved that this time she won't take me away from the fun.

I close my eyes, immediately regretting what I just thought. I couldn't say that. She was my sister. She was gone. I was supposed to be crying because of her absence.