Pride

Chapter 20- Chase

"Dude, what the heck happened?"

Levi's interrogating me. While pacing across my bedroom. I'm lying on my bed, basically ignoring him.

"You had him- you guys were making out! Why did you spend the rest of the day ignoring him?!"

I sigh and run a hand through my hair.

"Chase, seriously. We all noticed. Answer me."

"I don't know," I groan.

"What. Do. You. Mean."

"I mean- I don't know! You guys walked in on us and we jumped apart, and I just started thinking about how it would look to outsiders, to see me kissing him like that-"

"Chase, you're an idiot," he groans, giving me a pained look. "You were worried about what Nate and I were going to think? We couldn't care less!"

"Yeah, but I just-" I let out a huff of frustration. "As soon as he kissed me, it was just like... like everything I've been feeling for him was gasoline and that was the spark that made everything explode inside me. I've never felt like that before. I was just- I was so desperate."

"For what?"

"Him." I can still practically feel him against me, his lips and his body against mine. It felt like I was on fire, I was burning everywhere at his touch. And I was desperate for more.

"Okay, so why did you ignore him all afternoon?"

"Because when you and Nate came in, I was just- worried. I've never felt like that before, Levi. And I didn't want to look desperate."

"I promise, you looked a lot more desperate yesterday when you stared at his chest for five minutes straight like you wanted to pounce on him."

"But this was different," I insist. "It felt more... real, less in my head when he kissed me."

"I think you're more in your head now, if you're worried about looking desperate to me and Nate, especially when Jordan looked just about as into it as you did. Neither of us were anywhere near thinking about how desperate you looked- nobody noticed. But you know what we did notice? When you ignored him for several hours!"

I sigh and sit up. He's not getting it. "Levi, I wasn't worried about you and Nate. I was worried about other people."

"Like who? Just tell him you don't want a public relationship or something. It's not that hard."

"But it is that hard!"

"No, it's not! Who are you worried about? Who do you think is going to try and use your vulnerable desperate hunger for Jordan against you?"

I freeze.

It takes me a second to realize it.

After years of bickering with Jordan, having him as my arch rival, I've gotten used to a feeling. Rather than knowing him by his face, I know him by the feeling I get when I see him in the hallways and get prepared for a confrontation. That feeling of putting my guard up, hiding anything that could be used against me, and getting ready to attack first, before he has the chance. It's been different the past few days- it's hard to match Jordan, who I've been staring at and wanting, to Werewolf who I antagonize to protect myself. Because I get a different feeling when I'm around him, now.

But when Levi asks who I'm worried about, who I think is going to try and use whatever desperate, wanting feelings I have for Jordan against me, I get that feeling I'm used to. The one when I see Jordan in the hallways and try to hit him where it hurts so he won't look at me too closely in his blind anger.