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sitting.
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y/n sat at the foot of gon's bed as he did simple exercises. talking about this and that, "and you know what he did, gon-kun?" she exclaimed. gon gave a heavy hum in response, "he yelled at me!" a small blush tinted y/n's cheeks as she rocked her body.
"oh! but you what else-" she turned her head to the door suddenly opening. "kil-channn!" y/n ran towards killua, wrapping him in a (one-sided) hug. killua pushed her away and went to talk with gon.
in which y/n huffed lightly, back onto the foot of gon's bed, she grew bored. killua was still talking with gon, so y/n tapped her feet at first. then she stared out the window, then at killua. then she laid on her stomach, kicking her feet up.
she turned onto her back, her head dangling off the bed. her head felt light as she felt the sudden rush if blood to her head. she watched as the (iconic) duo had talked, y/n wished she had a friendship like theirs.
even if killua didn't show it much, y/n could see that he deeply cared for him. y/n tapped her chin, 'i wonder if he cares for me like he cares for gon..' killua turned around and y/n turned back over hoping that he would start conversation.
"hey gon-kunnn.." y/n said dragging out his name. "yes?" he asked in return. "it's so boring without you, i wish you could have hung out with us at least." "we weren't hanging out!" killua commented. y/n smirked, "yes we were!" she flicked out her plams."
"if you count barging into my room hanging out!" killua yelled. it had been a full month since gon had been injured. and he seemed rather fine, since he was now fully able to do exercises. "uh, are you really healed?" killua asked the two walked into gon's room.
"yeah!" gon did a couple of flips into the air and landed on his feet. 'now how the hell-' was y/n's first thought. she clapped lightly for him, "great!" she cheered. "man, what is your body made of?" killua's eyes widened as he said so. "how to answer that.." gon said.
"you're weird.." killua narrowed his eyes toward gon. gon in response puffed out his cheeks. y/n took her fingers and pushed against the sides of his face, releasing all the air in gon's mouth. making a short pop sound. y/n giggled, lifting a hand to her lips.
gon asked what killua wanted to say and held up two tickets. "they're for hisoka's fight." killua stated. gon's mouth opened a bit, his eyes widening only by a few centimetres. it was almost clear as day that gon was interested.
killua decided that they would talk over food, so he took gon to a restaurant. while y/n tagged along of course! y/n circled her straw around inside her glass, not paying attention. watching as her drink swirled and foamed, making a small whirlpool in the middle.
killua glanced at y/n once he finished talking to gon, as she hadn't said much. "why'd you only get two tickets?" gon asked, pointing to killua. "yeah? why did you kil-chan?" y/n asked in a playful tone but it was rather passive-aggressive.
killua shrugged his shoulders, "i was only able to get two." to say y/n felt a pit in her stomach now wouldn't be an exaggeration. she swore she felt as if a rock was throw onto her shoulders. it may have not have been a big deal to killua (or maybe even gon).
but it almost felt like a rejection her, like she was left out . "i see.." y/n stood up, her hands pushing onto the table to support her whilst she stood up. "i guess, i'll see you guys tomorrow?" she turned over her shoulder as she walked away and gave a small wave and (fake) smile.
once she was out of sight gon had scolded killua. "killua! you should have at least gotten a ticket for her too!" gon argued. killua listened to his lecture as he couldn't do much else. it wasn't like it was his fault. y/n's eyes went dull, she'd though she would get used to things like this.
there were times when she'd want to play outside. and when she would ask to, y/n would be punished. she felt so lonely at times in that house. it was so dull. lifeless. bird's eye view of all the children playing in forest nearby. tracing along the dust in the inner part of the window.
her parents didn't allow maids or butlers in the house. as they would interfere in their "work" y/n was their work, their piece of art sometimes. doing whatever, whenever. she knew she couldn't do much about it, nor could the kids. most of them didn't even know she existed.
she couldn't help but feel furious at herself, why couldn't she do anything about it? why didn't she do anything about it? biting down harshly on her thumb, it drew a bit of blood. y/n rushed to her room. she sat at the vanity.
she looked at her distressed state. examining how pathetic she looked and felt right now. 'imagine how disappointed your parents would be right now..' y/n gripped her hair. "damn it! you absolute moron!" y/n's fist slammed down on the vanity.
the flower placed on top jumped up. y/n shakily grabbed her needles out of her pocket. her shaking hands caused her to drop them. though she didn't bother to turn the lights on. so she shuffled on her hands and knees.
quickly looking for her needles. her finger grazed over one and her head whipped toward her hand. she gripped the needle in her hand. her grip so tight that her nails dug into her palm. holding out the inside of her opposite arm upwards, she held the needle above her head.
'do it, pussy.' her own thoughts taunted her. her hand shook, still gripping the needle. she brought down the needle towards her artery. 'do it! do it! do it!' her thoughts chanted. just as the needle was going to pierce her wrist, she moved her arm out the way.
the needle stabbing into the floorboards. she sat there on the cold floor. her hands shook nonstop now. tears slowly dropped to the floor, y/n put her hands to her face. the tears streaming between her fingers.
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"get yourself together.." y/n said to herself shakily.
