Who We Were Before

A memory

A/N: This chapter does include a very brief mention of past self harm, and mentions of an implied suicide attempt. If you're sensitive to either of these topics then I'd recommend skipping the section marked with 🔴 emojis. Stay safe everyone!

Shuichi wasn't sure how long the 2 of them sat there, his arms around the smaller boy as he played with his soft purple hair. It had probably only been a minute or 2 but Shuichi was lost deep in thought. Kokichi had been so affectionate since they were reunited yesterday. Sure the boy was always teasingly affectionate in the game, always hugging Shuichi and getting into his personal space for seemingly no reason other than annoying him. This Kokichi's affection was different though. It was slow, hesitant, desperate, as if Kokichi's world would fall apart if Shuichi wasn't near him at all times. As if physical affection was the only thing keeping him from falling apart completely.

Although Shuichi supposed, that could very well be true. It was clear to Shuichi that Kokichi really did have good intentions in the end, even if most of his friends heavily disagreed. The boy had put up so many masks, made himself the villain and suppressed all of his emotions until they exploded. Kokichi died thinking he was going to end the killing game and be at peace with his death, only to find out that none of it was real, and arrived back to a world where he was hated.

Shuichi pictured himself back in Kokichi's dorm room, his eyes set on the whiteboard as he looked at the word underneath his picture. Trustworthy. He thought I could've been trustworthy. Coming from Kokichi, that must've been difficult. If I had just noticed how much he was hurting, maybe I could've saved him. If I had just- he was cut off when he felt something poke at his cheek.

"Shumai," Kokichi said softly, looking at Shuichi with his sparkling violet eyes. "I know you're blaming yourself again. I can see it in your eyes."

Shuichi smiled at the smaller boy, thankful that Kokichi had been able to snap him out of his trance. He gave Kokichi one last squeeze before separating himself from the smaller boy, not hearing the small whimper Kokichi let out at the loss of contact.

"So anyway," Kokichi started, his bubbly grin once again plastered onto his face like nothing had even happened. "We were talking about injuries right? I suppose I should let you know about them all since we're meeting the squad tonight and I'm sure it won't be long until everyone gets together. It's probably better that you're prepared for it."

Shuichi nodded. He decided not to ask about the sudden hug. It was clear Kokichi would talk about it when he was ready. For now, he'd give the smaller boy all the affection he could possibly need.

"Alright so I guess I'll go by severity. Rantaro probably had the least damage out of all of us. He ended up having just a mild concussion and he gets headaches sometimes. Kaito didn't have much damage either since he died from the sickness and most of the injuries happened postmortem. He had a mild concussion, a mark from Maki's crossbow bolt like me, and he's still got a couple of bruises but he's fine otherwise. Miu and Kaede have similar neck problems. They both have a bit of trouble speaking sometimes but me, Kaede and Kirumom all know sign language so it's not that hard to communicate."

Shuichi smiled at that. Of course Kokichi would know sign language. How fitting for a supreme leader.

"Speaking of Kirumom, she got out a lot better than we all expected. Most of her injuries were on her hands but she usually wears gloves so you probably won't see the scars. She does have a bit of trouble using her hands sometimes so if you see her falter with chopsticks and stuff, that's why. She also has a lot of cuts on her body but those are mostly healed now. Angie and Tenko have matching neck scars and they get a bit dizzy sometimes but that's about it for them. Gonta and Kiyo both have a lot of burn marks from their respective executions and Gonta sometimes gets chest pain but that's about it for them. Ryoma was probably the worst off after me because of the fact that he was, ya know, eaten. He's got a lot of scars and needed a couple of small skin grafts. And then there's me of course nishishi. The one with the most injuries and damage."