"𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘 𝑖𝑛 ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠, 𝑑𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑘 𝑜𝑓 𝑚𝑖𝑛𝑒?"
☾. °. . ' , •
•. ° . * .·. . ✧:. ·.
the loss of her best friend, and the boy she loved cheating on her.
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TW!! there will be mentions of suic...
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˚◞♡ ⃗*ೃ༄
"GRACEY NO WAKE UP" i screamed as i sat up in bed gasping for air.
another nightmare. the third this week. they have been happening ever since last week at the dinner with the jacob's. nothing much has happened in this past 4 days, just the usual, do nothing but think of the memories replaying in my head. i tried to think of beautiful happy things before i slept but they always got overpowered by the darker thoughts in my head. the nightmares would force me to relive the last hour of gracey's life, yeah i think about those moments all the time but the dreams feel real, they don't feel like just a memory. every nightmare i wake up with a pounding head, but the pain actually feels good. it makes me forget about the emotional pain and trauma and makes me think about the physical.
i stumbled down to the kitchen to get some water to sooth my dry aching throat that felt as dry and crisp as the air. the house was dark, very dark. most people would be terrified to walk in a all dark house but i'm used to the darkness. the amount of darkness that consumes my brain and convinces me that i'm all alone feels around the same when i'm all alone downstairs, in the kitchen. i finally found my way to the cabinet where the glasses were held. i pulled out the glass, and went to the sink to fill up the cup up. when it was filled, i took a big gulp of what felt like medicine for my aching throat. the glass slipped out of my hand because of the fog and water droplets around the glass which was cause because of this scorching hot summer heat. when the glass hit the floor and made a loud shatter, i felt numb. the noise was loud but it felt like i didn't feel or hear anything, except when i could feel the sharp glass below my feet cutting them. that felt good. the pain felt good. i could feel the cold blood drip down my toes and then drop on the floor. i slowly picked up a glass shard from the floor and swiped it across my arm. it stung at first, but then once again i felt good, it felt good. i finally found a way to feel good.
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i woke up in my bed with a bandage on my arm and many on my toes and feet. i remember last night but only to the extent of me feeling good. everything else is a blur, which happens a lot to me now. i started to recall what happened last night but in more detail, i started thinking about the glass shattering but my ears started ringing whenever i thought about that. the sound of the glass shattering affects me, i thought it wouldn't because i was numb at first but now i just recall the windshield breaking and the glass shattering everywhere on that horrific night i lost her. my eyes started filling up with tears rapidly and they fell on my lap, which seemed would become a big puddle. my hands were shaking but i managed to grab my dead phone off of my nightstand and plug it into the charger. i got up and groggily walked into the bathroom to splash some ice cold water on my face to try to wake me up from this exhausted state.
i walked out of the bathroom and grabbed my burning phone off of my nightstand that was charged. i slowly slid up on my phone to unlock it, and then it brought me to my home screen. hundreds of notifications from all the social media apps i have on my phone. i tapped on the instagram icon. i scrolled through the many dms i've got over the months i haven't been on social media, but one caught my eye. my lookalike. it was ruel and her in the rain the day that i saw them. the prominent blue check mark and thousands of followers shocked me because i didn't know he got a following. i saw covers of him singing songs on his instagram and it instantly a swarm of memories came back into my mind of him singing me to sleep after the initial loss of gracey. i wonder if when he sings to her he thinks of me instead. no he couldn't, he probably doesn't even remember me anyway. no matter how much i try to erase you from my mind, i'm dying to find a lookalike.
- - - well school starts next week so rip🥰 well this is chapter 3, it's shorter than my other chapters but i had a hard time figuring out what to write so uh this will do😁 remember to vote and comment pls😎 peace
