𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑘𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒- 𝑟𝑢𝑒𝑙

𝑆𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑛˚◞♡ ⃗*ೃ༄

꒰🖇꒱ 𝑖 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑎𝑑 ♡꙼̈ ࿐ ࿔

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when i got out of the shower, the aroma of vanilla body scrub on my skin was piercing my nostrils with a pleasent smell. i put on some sweatpants and one of my dads old hoodies that was so soft and gentle on my skin. i could heart commotion and laughter down stairs, and i was curious but didn't want to put myself into the situation of finding out what was happening. i could hear the sound of rustling and footsteps coming up the stairs by my room.  i slowly got off my bed and sluggishly walked over to my door, to open it. right then and there, i made eye contact with him. why is he in my house walking upstairs to the guest room with bags in his hand? i quickly shut the door, and went back to doing nothing but lay in my bed, recalling what just happened. when i looked at his face it was filled with remorse, i saw him look at my tear stained cheeks that were so familiar to him. i heard a light knock at my door, and was scared at what i would see when it was opened.

"fleur" i heard my mother say as my body relaxed at the sight of her.

"yes?" i replied while picking the chipped nail polish off my finger nails.

"coco and ruel will be staying here for awhile when i'm away for work" my mom said with a light smile.

my body tensed at his name, i can barely say it aloud but now i might have to.

"why? i thought just coco was coming?" i said with confusion in my voice.

"yeah hun i know but when coco is doing her own things, like her job ruel will be here just for extra company and security." she said with sorrow.

i just nodded at my mom as she walked out the door escaping from my sight.

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gracey. i was thinking of gracey again but who couldn't. she brought an immense amount of happiness to everyone how could anyone not have her on their mind 24/7. i always wondered if he ever thought of gracey. i mean she was always with us so how could he not. but it's almost as if he forgot about her and everything. when she passed, it's almost as if he made me feel like it was my fault. maybe that was his way of coping but it hurt me so much. my mind was telling me everything was my fault and his body language made me feel the same way. i just can't comprehend why she had to go, she was my everything, i know it's silly but she made me feel complete, she made me feel every bad thought i had was incorrect, she just made me so happy and no one can compare. her death ruined me, and it caused me to ruin part of the people around me with my sadness that i couldn't control.

what even is death though? what if death doesn't exist and we all just wake up in a different body. what if we all just wake up from a simulation? death seems peaceful i'd like it, but i know gracey didn't feel the same. she had her whole life ahead of her while i have nothing. i have no desire to get married or start a family, i just will end up rotting in my bed throughout my life.  the hardest thing to comprehend is i will never see gracey again, never. i will never get to see her smiling face when our family goes on vacation together. life if fragile, too fragile.

☁️ . . . ⇢

i could hear the sound of laughter combust through my ears like fire in the distance. i was tempted to check it out but instead just stayed laying in bed like i do every day. the aroma of food shot through my nostril as my stomach started to growl in hunger. i knew i couldn't put off eating for much longer so i laggardly walked over and opened my bedroom door.  i took two steps out my door and instantly heard my mom shout.

"look who decided to come out of hibernation" she said with a smile while nodding to me.

him. i forgot he was here. i was about to turn around as i could feel their stares piercing my skin, but my mom told me to come over and eat. the awkward tension in the room as i walked down the steps. the fresh smell of pizza swirled in the air. maeve was seated next to coco meaning i would have to be seated beside him.

the creak in the chair as i sat down made my cheeks flush a transparent shade of pink. i saw his eyes shift to me as he could see the blemishes and tear stains scattered across my face, and he frowned. i don't get why he was upset, he's caused the tears many times. i keep telling myself it's his fault that he cheated but i can't help to feel like it's mine. i don't get why he left me. the exasperating thoughts of him coming back, replay in my head like im some sort of maniac. i don't want to eat, but i have to, i cant be the burden like i usually am. the pain and loss just reminds me that gracey was here, and the pain and confusion ruel caused just reminds me of all the memories we made that i'm craving to put back together.

i grabbed a slice of pizza and just plopped it down on my plate, just staring at it and picking out its flaws like i was looking at my reflection. the silence wasn't comfortable nor awkward, just in the middle.

"oh uh so, i'm heading to the airport in a couple hours." my mom said while taking a small sip of her red wine.

my head jolted up.

"is there something you'd like to comment fleur? you seem worried." my mom said with a calm smile on her face.

"i just don't understand why they have to be here" i mumbled.

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woah uhm well its been a while like two months precisely,,  but i wrote this chapter like a month ago but just never published it, and im too lazy to read over it atm so idk if it even makes sense but yolo lets go with it. 

ive been quite busy with school and my mental health and other things to have desire on writing fan fiction, but writing does help the thoughts and helps me get out of my mind, so ofc i will never discontinue this book im actually quite proud of it but, i might write like poetry or other stories, not fan fiction, but i will continue to write fan fiction for different people cause i actually find it fun to write fan fiction, but i am just gonna go on hold for writing stuff atm i feel, or well publishing stuff i guess idk im indecisive 

but yeah just wanted to say that, 

bye for now. -delaney