Winston ~ an outsiders fanfic (complete)

𝔻𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕞𝕤

TW: abuse, self harm, mental issues, suicide, ect. Read this chapter with caution. I also do not condone or agree with racism, sexism, and homophobia. If you are feeling suicidal, and feel the need to cut please talk to someone, may it be me, a friend, a parent/guardian, tell someone who can help you and just know, it will get better.

dream/flashback

He picked me up and slammed me onto the concrete floor, my head thumping the  ground. My dad had gotten drunk while dally was out partying again. I hit the ground so hard I passed out.

-----

I woke up to my dad also on the ground and dally holding my hand. He was crying?

When I started moving around, Dally looked up, "logan?!" he yelled, smiling relieved.

"Yeah?" i responded slightly monotonously, "the last thing i remembered was dad throwing me on the ground and my head hit cement." i wasn't crying, but i felt like i should be.

"Ok you're ok cause you are awake, can hear, can see, and move." he responded quickly. "Yup" he reassured himself, still crying a bit.

--------------------------------

It had been a week since the incident, and I hadn't been feeling right. I felt numb, empty, like something was wrong or missing.

I guessed dal had noticed too cause he was collecting all the money we had, droning on about going to the hospital to get me checked out.

-----

We walked into the hospital and dally pulled out a heater threatening and demanding for me to get checked out.

Within a few minutes we were in the office being asked questions by the doc. He was asking like why we were here and we told him about the fact that dad had abused me, and he asked how i had been feeling recently, and he explained to me how i probably had brain damage causing me an axis ii disorder.

Once this was over he explained that some emotions would be easier for me to feel than others and I would have to figure what those were out on my own.  He also told us that on the sale of functioning i was about a 70-80 which was high functioning and still pretty good. We found out that there wasn't much we could do about it and we walked out, dally just poured the money in his lap and we walked out.

---------------------

It had been about three or four days since we got a diagnosis and I was just walking the streets, looking for trouble since I had decided to skip school.

I was just walking when someone cat called me. He walked over to me and squeezed my ass and I turned and slapped him. He punched me back and I pulled out my switch, I stabbed him in the arm.

I pulled it out, him screaming, and moved it to his stomach. He was bleeding all over me, and most people would be crying cause I probably just killed him but I was in a rage and I was just mad, not sad, mad.

I walked down the street blood on me and went to the closest store. I ran in and walked up to the only rich looking kid there, some kid from school. I punched him and we got into a brawl, fists and limbs flying everywhere.

I was finally stopped by Alex who yanked me off the dude, I just punched him and held my switch to his neck, not recognizing him.

That's when dally came in and disarmed me just wrapping his arms around me, taking everything i threw, he just whispered small promises to me in an attempt to calm me down.

When i realized i wasn't gonna get out i finally gave up and just let him hold me.

---------------------

I was tired of feeling numb. For the past weeks since I killed a dude, I felt numb, mad, and the occasional love for two seconds when dally or alex would calm me down from my episodes, as we called them.

I was tired of it. I took my blade and cut my wrists instead of my legs, almost deep enough to hit my major vien. I cut a few more times then hit the vein.

I awoke with a start in a cold sweat next to dally, who had tear stained cheeks.

PEACE OUT MY PUNKS!