Winston ~ an outsiders fanfic (complete)

Conversations and Healing

TW: hey yall so, this chapter contains some cutting and suicidal thoughts, and i just wanted you to know that you aren't alone in this world no matter how it feels, and keep fighting. And also if you are experiencing any of these things please talk to a trusted adult. Thank you for reading and sticking with me even though it took me so long to update.

~J

I woke up in a cold sweat next to dally, who had tear stained cheeks. Instead of waking Dallas up I let him sleep, he needed it. I got up slowly, carefully and made my way to the bathroom, hearing the rest of the gang talking to a familiar voice.

"Angela" I whispered beneath my breath. I got into the bathroom, shutting the door and locking it. With my ear pressed to it I listened in to their conversation.

"And she talked about an axis two something or other before she went crazy and almost killed Curly with her bare hands. And then when she stopped she just got up, looked at me blankly, and walked out speeding in her car to go, here, I guess." it was muffled but i heard her through the door, her voice shaking as she spoke.

I had promised myself I wouldn't go berserk again. I thought to myself pulling out my blade, switching it open.

I promised dally I wouldn't hurt anyone while I was here. I put it to my wrist, since I was wearing jeans.

I promised Angela I would tell her everything, no secrets. I slid the blade seeing a bit of blood bubble up from the slit in my skin.

I did that again and again till there was blood dribbled on my light wash jeans, along with the many other stains. I got up when all i felt was pain, at least i wasn't numb. Was my only thought towards it. I then grabbed toilet paper and held it on the cuts putting pressure to stop the bleeding. When it had finally stopped I unlocked and opened the door and went downstairs.

"Good god logan!" Monica exclaimed, I then remembered that my face was covered in blood and a few bruises from curly. "Let's get you cleaned up." she finished her statement sitting me down on the couch.

Darry came over and grabbed my chin taking a good look at my cuts, "soda, go get the med kit, needle, and thread." soda wet and got them and Darry got the peroxide out along with some cotton balls. "This may sting a bit." he stated before placing the cotton ball to the cut along my cheek bone.

I sucked in air between my teeth creating a small noise. Angela came over and sat next to me grabbing my hand, squeezing it. "Hey Ange,'' I started, '' I'm sorry for what happened, but what I said was true, I am just numb all the time, there's no fixing it. Love is hard for me but I've worked on it and I'm happy that I was able to meet you. Anger is easy for me, that's why I show it so much. It happened because of a head injury I got when i was little."

"I understand." she stated and leaned in and kissed me.

"So you were dropped on your head as a baby and now you're crazy?" two-bit joked.

"Ill show you crazy, dumbass." i began to stand up, but Darry pushed me back down and grabbed the already threaded needle. He put it near my eyebrow.

"Now stay still or else you're gonna have an even worse scar." his voice was steady and the level at which he spoke seemed to calm me. I stayed still, wincing every once in a while at the feeling, still holding onto Angela's hand.

Dally bursted out of sodapops room screaming, "Where's Logan?!" he scurried down the stairs.

"She's in here!" johnnycakes responded. I noticed he had been holding hands with pony, them pecking each other on the lips every once in a while.

"Hey dal," Monica stood up walking to him, "Logan is fine darry is stitching up the cuts curly gave her now let's go get her blood cleaned off of you."

"No she's not fine, you don't know her like i do!" he retaliated

Eventually he followed her to the bathroom, the door suspiciously closing behind them.

I realized that I didn't flush the bloody toilet paper and that he would see it.

As soon as Darry finished my stitches I sprinted up the stairs, brushing into the bathroom. Rather than seeing Monica holding a towel to dally's face rubbing at the dried blood, I saw the two in a heated makeout session dally sitting on the sink, his shirt off.

When they looked at me I just turned away and grabbed my stomach making retching noises while pretending to puke. "What's goin' on up there?!" I heard Darry holler throughout the house. He soon appeared in the doorway to see Monica in between Dal's legs and Dally shirtless. "Dallas winston if you don't get the hell away from my baby sister and downstairs right now youre gonna be one sorry soul."

Dall hopped down, put his shirt on and walked out pulling out a smoke. I followed him out to the front porch pulling out a cancer stick of my own and lighting it.

"I know what you did." he stated bluntly.

"You did?" I questioned.

"Yeah, Logan, I'm your older brother do you think i don't know what you do?" he took a drag

"I mean I kinda hoped you wouldn't remember."

"How many," another drag, "how many cuts did you make?"

"Ten." I stated.

"Can i see?"

"What's the point in refusing?" I flipped over my forearms to reveal all of the old scars and the new cuts.

"You gotta stop this, Logan." he stomped out his cigarette. "You gotta stop before you decide to not stop or you decide that you didn't cut deep enough, and then no ones there to help you."

"I know, and I'm trying, I really am. It's just so hard when i go from feeling so angry to feeling nothing so fast. I just wanna not feel so goddamned numb!" I raised my voice at the end and dropped my weed, stomping on it.

"Ok, that's ok." his voice stayed steady, and calm.

"I'm sorry for getting mad. I just wish i could feel something other than that."

"I know and I get that. I'm gonna stay out here for a bit and look at the stars some more, you go inside and learn to love."

hey, sorry for the slow updates, but I just wanted to say this, I feel like dally liked looking at the stars because it showed that even in the darkest parts of the night there is still light and beauty. sorry ill leave, hope y'all enjoyed and until next time, 

PEACE OUT MY PUNKS!