Chapter 1- I'm fine

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Niall POV:

I'm fine.

I told myself the same thing everyday. I know I'm not but it's fine, no one need to know that.

I forces my eyes to open as the morning breeze flew into the room. I laid there just staring at the ceiling, not being able to find the strength to get up. Find the strength to pretend that I'm happy, that I'm the same person I was, that I'm fine.
After minutes of gathering all I had, I pushed myself out of bed and went into the bathroom. Even that simple task got me exhausted.

God, I'm tired

I looked back at the figure in the mirror, that wasn't me. That person in the reflection wasn't me. I don't recognize him. I don't know who he is.
He stand there staring back, his dark circle underneath his eyes showing as bright as day, his eyes dull and clouded; he stared back, he's just a shell of a men who lost himself.

I brushed my teeth, went in the shower and stare back at myself while i styled my dead bleached hair. My mind swimming with a storm of thoughts.
Fat.
Unworthy.
Worthless.
Waste of space.
Ugly.
Talentless.
Unlovable.
"Stop" i whispered, my voice cracked as I tried to keep the voices down. My heart ached as I pushed back my tears back into my pupils.

Why am i here?
Why did i even bother?
No one love me.
Maybe i should just end-
My thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door, followed by the voice of 'daddy direction'.

"Niall, you awake?"
"Yes Liam, I'll be down in a bit" i replied
"Okay. Hurry up, the food's gonna get cold" Liam stated.
I made a small 'ok' back before I heard Liam's footsteps disappeared down the hallway.

It's time, i reminded myself, it's time to put on the act of Niall. The act of the Irish leprechaun who is always happy and carefree. The act that was once me.
I pulled my lips into a smile. It was very convincing if you ask me. If i wasn't me i would have fooled myself into thinking that the person in the mirror is happy.

I put on a pair of long selves baggy T-shirt and pants, pulled my bedroom door open and walked down the hall into the kitchen where I was greeted by four familiar faces.

Here we go again.

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A/N: So this is the first chapter of this book. Ngl, I am really proud of this work right here. I think it's my best work yet; I also realized that writing about sad shit is my comfort zone. Mmhh.

Well i hope you enjoy this. Don't be a silent reader and write down your comments and reviews. Every single one are appreciated.

Loads of love, Mirror XX)
Date written: August 23rd 2020

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