I'm Fine - Nouis fanfiction

Chapter 12

A/N: 1) Sorry for the late update 2) After you read this chapter plz read the a/n down below and comment your thoughts and opinion, I really need it rn. Thank you and enjoy(:

Trigger warning: Mention of death, suicidal/depressing thoughts

Niall POV:

Niall was always a carefree person, even as a kid he have also been a ball of energy among the others. He would be wide awake whenever there was a nap time yet still have more energy then others when it was time to play. He had always been the person that live life to the fullest,that was until he was 12, where he encounter his first blink of death.

It was a Monday morning, he remembered vividly, he was walking to school with his new pair of boots and a backpack as heavy as himself. His childhood best friend, Stuart, was by his side as they walked to their destination.

It was the start of spring and breezy air nipples on their cheeks as the grave of fallen leaves scattered on the ground. You could hear the snaps and crackle underneath the feet of the two boys chatting happily. You could feel the energy blazing out of them as they messed around on the side of the road. Nothing was out of place, everything was fine, until suddenly it wasn't.

Niall was laughing his heart out as he teased Stuart about his crush; this lead to a playful bickering between the two.It went on for about 5 minutes before niall accidentally shoved Stuart side which resulted to a battle of pushing each other. No one was suppose to get hurt, it was suppose me a harmless joke between the two best friend but fate wasn't on their side.

They were lost in their own world, their own little bubble that they didn't noticed the motorbike rounding up a corner to the street they were on. They were lost in their own little game that seems to become more violent as it went on, each push becoming stronger than the other and each laugh becoming more forced than genuine, until Niall pushed him a little to hard, causing the other to stumble into a pile of leaves. 

Stuart was never the one to control his anger and niall knew that, but before he could apologize Stuart returned the favor, pushing him just as hard, making him stumble onto the open road.

Everything happened in a matter of seconds. One second they were playing around and the next, niall was met with a loud horn and shouts from him best friend, signaling his body to move out of the way but he wasn't fast enough.Instead, he was met with a gigantic force from the back.

All he remembered after that was hearing the cracks of his bones and seeing nothing but red, he remembered nothing but feeling so much pain, thinking to himself that he was going to die, before darkness grant him a favor but he was fine after that. He remembered waking up in a hospital bed and everything was fine afterwards, he was happy.

However, though he was physically healed in a matter of a month or so, a scar was left on him mentally. Since then, he hated any mention of hospitals and since then he was scared of death itself.

Even when he grew up, the fear never left, as a matter of fact it grew. He would cut, yes. He would hate himself, yes. He would wish he never existed,yes, but is he scare of death? yes. He always thought it was stupid, wanting nothing to do with being alive but fear death. He hated forcing himself to wake up yet he feared the thought of never waking up again.

Now he's here. In this place. This isn't even a place. This is death?

"Am I- Am I dead?" he chocked out. There was silence for what felt like years while niall stood terrified of the answer he was going to received when finally they spoke, their voice soft yet a hint of coldness in it sent shivers down his spine.

"Now that is a question that matters on you but on the whole, dear boy, you are not."

"Not?" repeated niall.

"Not," they said.

"But you said this is death," niall questioned.

"Yes I did. This is death but you are not dead, yet." they replied but before niall could question again they raise their hand, indicating that they're not done, before continuing, "Not many have this choice but you are what people would call 'on the brink of death', it's your choice whether you want to take my hand or go back."

They waited patiently as niall tried to process what had been said. 

Niall was on the brink of death? It's HIS choice? In given situation anyone would have choose to go back and live their life. His instant thought was to go back and fix things,it was only reasonable isn't it? His fear was standing right in front of him and he have the choice to turn away from it but he found himself stopping before he could get the words out of his mouth.

He thought of his family, his friends and his life. He thought of every mistake he have make, every friend he lost contact with, every moment that ended on a bad note, every pain and tears that were shed because of him. 

Maybe the world would be better without him. Maybe his friends and family would be happier without him. Maybe the band would be more successful without him and maybe the boys would finally be free from him. Maybe he will finally be free from himself.

He thought of how useless he felt, he thought of the pain he caused to himself, he thought of the people he had hurt or will hurt. He thought of every blade put on his skin, he thought of every hate and opinions people had about him. He would finally be free.

He had always been scared of death, scared of the uncertainty that comes with death. But Niall was just so tired. He don't want to fight another day, live through another sunrise just to pretend again. His mask that he plastered on everyday have been cracked, the walls he built had fallen down and the dam he designed to hid his emotions had failed. Now everything is falling apart and he don't know if he's going to be able to fix it, or rather he don't know if he wants to anymore.

He was scared of death but maybe his unwillingness to live might outweighs it. What's the point of living,he thought,when all he can do is struggle to survive? What or rather who do he have got to live for? A small part of his mind was trying to find reasons to not give up.

As depressing as it sounds, his mind drew blank.

He thought of an escape reaching out for him and he thought about considering it,then he thought of Louis and his emotions harden. He knew what he thought was best for him, for Louis.

He made a decision. 

*****

A/N: ! READ THIS PLEASE!

I know I said this chapter is suppose to be chaotic but ugh that does not happen, i'm sorry. I have the plot, I'm having a really hard time trying to get it into words you know. I'm sorry that this feels like the story isn't going anywhere and just relapsing, please do tell me if you feel like this coz i don't want it to rush but am i being too slow?

Please do let me know and maybe suggest a few ideas or quotes you want me to put into the following chapters(: 

Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter, I mean at least smth is moving forward even though it felt like baby steps right? *nervous laughter* again I really appreciate everyone who voted,read,commented and put it in their reading list. I'll try my best to make this story as best as I can and sorry for the late update.

P.S Some of the lines are inspired by harry potter and some from a Larry fanfic that I have read(:

Loads of love, Mirror XX)
Date written: November 9th