I'm Fine - Nouis fanfiction

Chapter 4

Trigger warning: Self harm.

Niall POV:

Days passed since the photoshoot and everything have become worse. By that i meant everything. My cuts were deeper, the voices were louder, hate on twitter grew and louis have been keeping an eye on me, i hate it.

Most days I felt trapped in my own body as i stared at nothing for hours while the voices take up my brain, telling me all those horrible things.

It was currently 3 in the morning and I laid awake in my bed, unable to sleep. I'm tired. I am beyond exhausted.
Usually, i would cry and curl up in a ball until morning comes but i have no more tears left to cry. I just feel.....numb.

I laid there thinking and wishing i could get the old niall back. What went wrong? What happened to me? You might ask. I'm asking the same thing too.
Suddenly, i felt a certain urge, an urge to put the blade on my skin, an urge to punish myself.

I sat up from my bed and went into the bathroom where i turned on the light and opened the drawer. In it, there sat a blue razor. My punishment.
I grabbed it out with shaky hands and rolled up my sleeves, exposing the scars that scattered my hand.

It reminded me of how worthless i am.
How weak i am.
How much of a problem i have.
So i started.
I put the blade on my wrist and felt it slit my skin open, tearing the tissues off and releasing blood.
I cut one for being gay, one for liking a straight guy, one for being worthless, one for being a burden and lastly one for cutting.

I watched as warm red liquid poured out, making my numb body feel something. It was addicting.
I stared at it for a few more minutes, not even realizing that tears were falling down my face.

Then without my permission a sob slipped out my lips and i felt my body trumbling,my mind feeling fuzzy but suddenly i heard a knock on the door.
"Who's in here" Louis voice asked.
Shit.
Shit.
Shiiitt.
"It's niall. Give me a second lou!" I shouted back.
I got a small 'ok' back before i started cleaning myself up and the sink.My brain was barely working as i wrapped bandages around my cuts, threw the tissues away into the bin, cleaned and put my razor away.
Finally i pulled my sleeves down and opened the bathroom door to be greeted my louis.

I said a quick and awkward 'hi' while he smiled back and got in the bathroom, accidentally bumping me on the way.
"Opps. Sorry ni" he apologized.
" It's fine" i smiled back.

I went back into my bedroom as i laid back there. Pain shooting out of my arm.
I felt asleep minutes later with a thought on my mind.
How many days till there's no tomorrow.

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A/N: I do not write this from experince so let me know if there's something i need to know about this situation and if there is something i portayed wrong.
With that being said i would give this like a 7/10 in my writing standard and don't worry, louis's POV is coming soon.
So let me know what you think about this chapter, i wrote this in one sitting.
Loads of love, Mirror XX)
Date written: August 27th 2020