Drink Your Medicine (Jalex)

<9>

For the remainder of the morning, I locked myself in my bedroom. My mother had eventually left and I took more medicine to help with my nerves. I struggle to comprehend why she wants to hurt everyone that can still feel pain for someone that's never coming back. 

That being said, I'm far from over it. Not a day goes by where I don't mourn, and not a day goes by that I don't wish to be forever haunted by his ghost. However, I would never put other people at risk to get him back. But I guess that that's the difference between Mum and I.

And they say that I'm the immature one. 

It occurred to me that I hadn't spoken to Jack since last night. I wondered if he was worried about me. And if he was worried, what was he worried about? Had he heard Mum and me talking? Did he know that I've taken three doses of medicine to make myself feel better? Does he know how to use the phone? Does he know that I need him so badly but I can't leave my room? Sure, it's a self-given punishment, but it's better than being with that.....thing.....that's become my mother. 

After about five more minutes of mental debate, I finally settled on going into the bathroom to talk to Jack. In the hallway however, I was stopped by my father. "Alex?" He asked. 

"It's Mum, isn't it?" I asked knowingly. 

"This is about her, but it's also about you. You wanted to talk to me yesterday but I was too busy?"

"It's not that big of a deal. I just....I'm used to it," I shook my head. "It's like you always told me. Man up, right?"

"You deserve attention too. I'm not only your sisters' father."

"Don't worry about it. I only wanted to tell you that I lost my phone. I need a new one is all."

"Which is exactly why I'm giving you this," He held out his old phone. "I wiped the memory clean. You can use it for whatever you'd like. I'll go out and get myself a one." 

I nodded. "Thanks, Dad." I walked past him and into the bathroom. I called Jack's name quietly. 

"Alex? Is everything okay? Why aren't you at school? Did you drink your medicine?"

"Sort of. My mum is being scary. Yes, more than enough of it in fact." I looked through the phone that Dad had given me while I spoke. "Here's my number." I held up the screen to the mirror and Jack took out the phone that I'd given him. Much to my surprise, he had no trouble entering the contact at all. 

"So we'll talk through text messages now?" He asked me for clarification. 

"Or phone calls if I'm not at school. But yes, pretty much all text messages. Obviously I'll still come in here to talk to you daily, but this will make communication easier and more frequent. I looked at him. "You said that you failed in your endeavor to help people. What did you mean by that?" I asked.

"I don't want to talk about it. It's quite a traumatic story actually." Jack shook his head.

" I understand. But....was it your first time?"

"There is no room for error where I'm from. I wish I had humanity's forgiveness. That would be nice."

I touched my hand to the mirror and Jack touched my reflection through his end. "I'm so sorry that you're trapped in here. I promise that I'll do anything and everything that I possibly can to get you out."

Jack smiled gently. "You're a good person, Alex. Don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise."

I looked down as I thought about how his words contrasted with Mum's. Just be normal. I could still hear her infuriated voice in my head. Jack's wrong. I'm not a good person, I'm just good at hiding my flaws. "I have to go. We can text later, okay? " I pulled my hand away and looked up at him. 

Jack's face fell. "Okay. I'll see you later then. " 

I walked away, torn between my two worlds. Who's to say what's the truth? They say that one's opinion of oneself is much more valuable than that of another. If that's true, then I feel bad for Jack. He has to deal with someone like me. Someone who's a pain. 

I shook my head as I walked back to my room. More medicine. That'll make me better. That'll fix me. Be normal. Be normal. I took another spoonful to try and keep the room still. I'd gone a day without a panic attack, please don't let today break that streak. Please don't let it. 

I sighed as I collapsed back onto my bed. I looked at my new phone and sighed. I was finally making a friend, and now I didn't want it? Jack doesn't have a problem with me. He didn't call me a weirdo when I had a panic attack in front of him. He didn't say that I was desperate when I gave him my phone. He didn't think that it was hopeless when I tried to break him out of his mirror. The only person in this who didn't want it was me. And I'm ruining it by thinking otherwise. Why am I ruining it? Why must I always ruin everything?

I groaned as I rolled over on my bed, cringing at my own thoughts and actions. Mum's right; I would be so much better if I was like everyone else. There was a knock at my door. A really gentle one. "Come in," I called, sitting up. 

Helen walked in and looked around my room before closing the door behind her. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"I'm fine." I shook my head. I don't like talking about things like this. Doesn't she know that that's a girl thing?

"Mum shouldn't have said that to you," She replied simply, sitting down on the floor cross-legged. 

"I'm used to it. Pretty sure that everyone thinks the same thing. You guys just don't talk about it very much."

"I have never once wished that you were normal. Normal? What even is that? If I wished that you were normal, I'd have to say that I'm normal. I don't want to be like all of those preppy girls at school, falling all over the boys that will just end up breaking their hearts."

I chuckled. "I can't imagine why anyone would want that for themselves."

"Me neither." She sighed. "If you ever want to talk about.....her. My door's always open, okay?"

I nodded. "Thanks for that." I thought for a moment. "How come you're not at school today?"

"I overslept and Mum and Dad haven't noticed me yet today. Wish me luck when they do." She smiled nervously. 

I laughed. "Good luck to you."

She stood up. "I'm going to leave you to yourself for now, okay? Unless you want me to stay, of course."

"No, no. You can go." I smiled as I said it. 

Helen turned around and left the room. Maybe she's right. Maybe it's okay that I'm a little bit off. Maybe.