Drink Your Medicine (Jalex)

<14>

That afternoon, I had a skip in my step as I practically ran all the way home. When I entered however, I felt something of a different presence. That's when I suddenly remembered what today was. I saw the candles around his picture sitting on the kitchen table. Mother, Father, Jillian, and Helen were all sitting around it, heads bowed in respect. My mood completely deflated. 

Instead of staying with them, I went upstairs to see Jack. Seeing even a picture of Tom is just too hard. I went into my bedroom first to put my school things down, and take a small dose of medicine. Afterwards, I went into the bathroom. "Jack? " I asked. 

He came forward. He looked terrible. His eyes had noticeable dark circles, and his hair was even more of a mess than usual. He yawned as he spoke. "Hey, Lex. " 

Lex? I don't know, I kind of like it. "Can I come in? Everyone else is downstairs, mourning. "

He nodded. "How come you're not with them? " 

"It's too hard. " I took the mirror off of the wall as I spoke. I kicked off both of my shoes, unlacing one and then tying one end to a knob one of the cabinet doors. I took the cork off of the mirror, and then went inside bringing the shoelace with me. If I kept that connected to the outside and the inside, I could get both of us out. I hugged him once inside. 

Jack returned said hug and I let go. "I know it's hard. " 

"I was having the best day. I completely forgot. I'm such a bad person. " 

"No, no. Tom would've wanted you to be happy. He would rather finally see you crack a smile than cry. "

"But I don't want to move on, " I wailed like a child. 

"You're not moving on. It's alright to be happy once in a while, Lex. " Jack continued to reassure me as we sank to the mirror's floor. 

I shook my head. "How do you do it? How do you stay in here your whole life, knowing that you made a mistake, and not ask for forgiveness? " 

"Because I killed someone, okay? " Jack blurted. 

"What? " 

"It's my fault she's dead. It's my fault she killed herself. If I had just tried harder to talk her out of it, then none of this would have ever happened. You tell me that I should be forgiven. That I should be allowed out. You don't know anything, Alex! It's all my fault." 

"The Mirror Society is a suicide helpline? " 

Jack nodded. "She was my first patient. But she was so far gone. Too far gone. " 

"You tried your hardest. " 

"But it wasn't hard enough. I'll never stop blaming myself for it. I'll never forget the look on her face when she came in that day. She was beaming. I thought that she'd finally been cured, but she wasn't okay. She was faking it to get us off of her back." He sighed and looked away. "When I went into her room, she'd already done it. She took sleeping pills and then drifted off forever. " 

"It was a hospital, " I whispered. 

"That's right." He shook his head. "Which is why I have to stay in here forever. It's my punishment. " 

"And, if you got out? " I looked at him cautiously. 

"I don't know. Maybe I'd hang out with you more often, but happiness is fleeting. " 

I sighed. "When I first met you, I thought that you were the most joyful person in the world. I thought that I should look up to you because you were always happy, even though you had no freedom. But I see now that this mirror is a physical representation of how little freedom from your past you really have. " I scratched my arm before asking the next thing. "What if she was still alive? " 

"Then I'd still be working there, helping to save people's lives." 

But you're already saving mine. "Did you enjoy it? " 

"It's what I was born to do. " He shrugged. "I never saw myself doing anything else. I told myself that I'd never end up like this. But, " He gestured around, "here we are. " He looked at me curiously. "You said that you thought that you should look up to me. You changed your mind? "

I shook my head. "You tried to save her. But sometimes," I put my hand over his,  "people can't do everything. " 

"If I knew then, I would've tried so much harder. " 

"Beating yourself up about it isn't going to change anything. " 

"And what will? She's gone. " 

"She is. But you can redeem yourself. You could save someone else. You could save a whole bunch of people. You said it yourself, if you'd known then. Well, you know now. " I looked him in the eye. "You are the first friend that I made in seven years, I'm not going to let you keep yourself locked away over one mistake. No matter how much it haunts you, nothing could change who you are to me. " 

Jack smiled lightly. "That really means a lot. " 

I heard someone call for me, and I went to get the shoelace, but in a flash, Jack grabbed my cheeks, and kissed me quickly on the lips before pushing me back. I took the lace and got out of the mirror before I had time to think about what just happened. I quickly resealed the cork to the back of the mirror and put it back against the wall. I untied the lace from the knob, grabbed my shoes, and walked out of the bathroom to see Helen walking down the hallway, looking for me with tears in her eyes. 

"Are you okay, " She asked me. 

"I-I, " I stuttered. "I think I just got my first kiss, " I blurted it out before I knew what I said. 

"What?! " She practically squealed it. 

"Nevermind. Just forget it. I'm okay. " I pushed past her and walked into my room, closing my door and then locking it behind me. I slid down to the floor, back against the door. 

I have to get him out of that goddamn mirror.