Fleeting Moments With You

023

I was about to leave for school but as I went out of my door, I saw Dahyun who was about to enter her own unit. There was an awkward silence between the two of us and each second that passed by pricked my heart.

"Good morning," Dahyun respectfully beamed at me.

"Hmmm," I only hummed in reply. Quickly dismissing her, I told her, "I need to go."

But even before I could turn, Dahyun halted me with a question, "Could I ask you something?"

I met her gaze and this urged Dahyun to continue, "Who are you really?"

I blinked and thought of all the possible answers I could give.

"I am the man you've met back in El Nido, Philippines. I was your travel buddy. I am the one whom you have written a letter for, urging me to pursue my dreams. I am the one who gave you the plushie duck you display in your room. I am the one who you spend hours with to talk about anything and everything. I am the one you slept with and took to the police station the next morning. I am the one who accompanied you every day and took you to places for dates. I am the one who nursed you over the pain that your first love brought.

I am that person you kissed on the beach, under the rain, on your rooftop and on other numerous occasions that I could no longer list down. I am the one whom you've shared your warmth with as we held each other close.

I am the one you loved and forgotten.

I am the one whose heart is broken because of you."

I sighed and blinked rapidly, in order to stop the tears from falling.

"I'm your neighbor," was the short reply that escaped my lips despite the numerous words shouting in my head.

"I see," she smiled and there was another pang in my chest. She was not done with her questions though as she asked, "That morning that you were in my house, why were you crying?"

I flashed her a bitter smile as I answered, "It doesn't matter anymore."

"Why?" Dahyun probed.

I needed to take a deep breath before answering, "Because the pain had made me decide to forget too."

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After the day I had decided to stop pursuing a love that would become unrequited after every sixty days, I had also started avoiding Dahyun. I would go to school earlier and come home later than usual and instead of studying at my house, I would spend my time in the library or in the nearby café. I was doing my best in order to erase all the possibilities of us meeting each other again because of two reasons.

First, I was afraid that through our interactions, I would be drawn into her again and the painful cycle would repeat.

Second, I was trying to erase her in my memory. I was trying to forget her face, her scent, her warmth – everything about her – with hopes that I would heal the heart that she has broken and I would be able to detach any lingering feelings for her.

But there are times that I could not fool anyone – including myself – into believing that I do not miss her.

"Dahyun, this is like the one I gave you!" I exclaimed as I pointed at the duck plushie in the claw machine. However, when I turned to look at the girl beside me, she was not Dahyun.

"I am aware that you're using me to forget Dahyun," Seulgi smiled sadly, "But please refrain from reminding me that I'm a rebound."

I was drunk that night, but I was aware that Seulgi kissed me. The morning that I had decided to let go of Dahyun, I talked to Seulgi and asked if she would like to go on dates with me, and she answered yes. Ever since then, we had started going to places together but I had always been a failure at hiding who my heart yearned to be with.

"I'm sorry," I apologized sincerely. I repeated, "I'm really sorry."

"No. It's actually my fault too. It was me who confused you with my sudden confession while you're undergoing a painful love," Seulgi retorted, "I should have been prepared in dealing with these kinds of instances."

"If I'm hurting you so much, you do not need to agree on dating me," I replied.

"I sincerely wanted to help," she answered, "You're still one of my best friends."

She had her revenge at me calling her Dahyun when she smirked and told me with an unwavering gaze, "And besides, I'm not you, Jimin. I'm not a quitter."

When I said nothing, she stuck her tongue out and mumbled, "I'm just kidding. Come on, let's go see that movie that you want."

However, I halted her by tugging on her wrist and when she looked at me, I asked her seriously, "Was it wrong for me to quit?"

"Was it wrong for me to kiss you while you're in a state of confusion?" she questioned back then she smiled as she posted another inquiry, "Would the heart mind if loving is wrong or right?"

I wasn't able to respond and Seulgi just left the question like that, unanswered.