Lone Wolf

Fighting your Demons

Bellamy sends the crowd away, demanding they return to their jobs around camp. Clarke was shaking in his arms as her eyes stayed glued to the red on her hands. No one needed to see her like this, not if he could help it. Carefully Bellamy helps her stand, leaving Miller and Octavia in charge while he leaves with Clarke. He takes her to the river nearby and helps her clean the blood from her hands. Much to his surprise she doesn't put up a fight. Bellamy wasn't sure if he should be worried when she continues to stay silent and allow him to help her as he pleases. This want like Clarke at all..

She scrubs and scrubs at her hands until they begin to be irritated and raw. No matter how hard she scrubs it felt like the blood would never come off. 

"Clarke. Clarke, stop! Its okay. Its gone." She tries to keep it in but the sob breaks free,  the tears flowing freely down her cheeks. "Hey." He whispers, but it only makes matters worse. Clarke breaks down fully and falls to her knees. It physically hurt to see her break down like this. Bellamy's never seen her like this before. So... broken. He reaches out and takes her in his arms, giving her the only comfort he knew how to give. 

"I-I didn't w-want to! They g-gave me no choice!" She holds onto his arms as the wrap around her torso, pulling her body into his as her back falls against his chest. 

"Its okay, shh. You're okay." He holds her until she stops crying. But once she does she still doesn't let go. Instead she holds onto him, leaning back completely as he opens his legs to let her lay against him comfortably. Bellamy rests his chin on top of her head before leaning down to her shoulder, nuzzling her there for comfort, and to his surprise it works. She buries herself closer and nuzzles back, rubbing circles on his hands.

"I hate being this. This.. monster." Clarke's voice cracks with emotion as she speaks. "I never asked for this."

"Hey. You are not a monster! You did what you had to do."

"No. You're wrong." Her voice is so small and wavering Bellamy barely hears her. "What I've done... the things I had to do, Bellamy-"

"They don't make you a bad person, Clarke!" He leans forward to make her face him, his eyes meeting hers. "You are good." But as he says this Clarke shakes her head.

"No I'm not. I've killed people Bellamy. Families... kids! I-I took so many lives and I can't take it back! I've tried so hard to stop the violence... but I can't. It won't stop!"

"I'm sure you had your reasoning, okay? Don't let the past interfere with your future. I know you, Clarke, and you are a good person. Violence is everywhere we go and no one can stop it. All we can do is find a way to live with it and not let it consume us."

"What if it already has?" She whispers, her being so small. "What then?"

Bellamy says nothing in return. He continues to hold her to him and reassure her as much as he can. He doesn't know everything of what she has had to deal with, making it hard for him to express that it doesn't define her. But Clarke has to learn how to face her past and move on. All Bellamy could do was be there to support her, and he is.

"What did Lexa tell you about Mount Weather?" Clarke asks, her voice so quiet he barley catches it. Her tone wavers and cracks, filled with overwhelming emotion.

"Not much. Only that someone named Wanheda killed everyone and saved her people." Clarke scoffs and shakes her head.

"I bet she didn't tell you how she betrayed me and left me for dead." New tears form in Clarke's eyes as she looks up at him again, her body shaking. "How she made a deal for her people and left mine behind to die. My parents-" Her lower lips wobbles as she remembers that day, "My best friend, Wells, they all died because of her. If I didn't stop the mountain Men they would have hurt so many more people and I-I just- I-I couldn't-"