Who?

Chapter 2: Telling

Relief overwhelmed me as I left my room. I had taken too much time to make that decision. But I was happy with it.

I crossed the 'ballroom', appreciating for the first time the floating music and the joy that transformed every members of the room. It feel that for the first time since the light, I could breath. Walking softly in the rooms, I ended up in our garden where the guy was still discussing with Emily. Once I arrived, their conversation stoped and they looked at me in a surprised but happy way.

'Ev ! What a nice surprise, do you feel better?' I looked at her quite surprised, did she notice that I was indeed feeling better, like delivered? I blushed and nodded.

'Can I talk to you Erwin for a sec'?'

The guy looked at me with big eyes, looking puzzled and glanced at Emily who was simply smiling with eyes that said 'see? I told you so'.

And the guy smiled and came with me.

Here was my inglorious moment. We were now slowly walking in my garden, distancing ourselves from the rest of the people there. And I did not know where to start.

'Well Erwin' I said hesitantly.

'Ev, I'm happy you know. Since you woke up, that is the first time that I see you smile like that, like before. I admit that I was quite worried.'

I looked at him with wide eyes. He seemed sincere.

'You, you didn't really show it' I stammered.

'Well I did not want you to have even more problems. You need-ed to recovered...'

My heart was moved. But I didn't know why. I needed to tell him. This guy was so good. I owed it to him.

'Well, I...'

'Ev...'

'No please, do not interrupt. It is quite hard to say it so please, just listen and try not to judge me okay? Things are complicated.'

I pleaded. And he did not moved. Just listening.

'When I woke up, I did not remembered anything.'

He nodded, waiting.

'And steps by steps, I started to recapture some of my memories. But still, I am very much lost. I feel like I landed in a life that is not a 100% mine and worst that I cannot make mine as everything seems so...'

I encapsulated everything with my arms and inhale deeply

'settled down...'

'Ev, I... I am sorry, I had no idea about it.'

The guy I was facing was now looking at me with a blank face. All traces of his warm smile had disappeared and I started feeling really bad.

'Well Erwin, please, don't feel bad. I did not have the courage to say that out loud. You could not know. Besides, you have always been so caring with me.'

His eyes softened and I felt better. Not really knowing why.

'I now remember almost everybody.'

'Almost?' he interrupted again. 'I thought that everything was fine Ev!'

He was angry. I knew it. I knew he would feel rejected. That is why I never had the courage to say no to him since I woke up. Fear came back, all of a sudden. And the new sparks of life that had had just filled me, were blown up. I looked at my shoes, trying to focus on the grass and to forget his hurt. Trying to swallow my guilt. Why couldn't I remember?

His hand suddenly caught my face, softly. Anger and fear had not left his eyes but he definitely cared.

'Sorry Ev' I was not supposed to interrupt.