Who?

Chapter 10: A maze

Thursday. 

Today was Thursday. 

In my entire life, my clouded memory seemed not to have remembered a moment where I had both so much feared and craved for a day to come. My stomach was swallowed by giant knots and I could not stop myself from jumping from one spot to another.

I would meet him! Him! The guy I married! My husband! And I had no freaking idea of what I wanted to do with him: give a try to our marriage, erase everything?

With all these stuff in minds, my work at the Caffe seemed to last forever and I was unable to be a 100% focussed. Most of the customers had to call my name several times before I noticed them and my brain seemed not to process anything of what they said. Hopefully, Melinda had been patient with me but I knew that one other day like this one and she would no longer be patient and ask the owner to throw me out.

Before she could get wrong ideas, I decided to talk to her. Gathering my last concentration pieces and strength, I apologised.

'Melinda, well I'm so sorry for today...'

Looking tired, Melinda ran her hand through her hair.

'Well look Eva. I know you are happy with the job and all. I know that you want to perform well. I also know that, for a beginner, you did really well the last two days but today was close to a catastrophe. And let that be clear, I cannot constantly watch your back as you obliged me to do it today.'

'I... I'm sorry Melinda. Today is hectic for me. I have to...'

But my apologies did not work. Worst, it seemed to increase her anger.

'Well Eva, I'm gonna say that once. Understood? Cause the second time you won't hear it again, you will just leave'.

'Okay' I nodded shyly.

'We all have some shit happening in our lives. But once you cross that door.' While angrily talking she gestured toward the door and continued.

'Once you cross that door' she repeated 'you leave your shit behind. Cause if you don't, you bring your shit in the restaurant, you share it with our customers, you burden your colleagues and this is simply unacceptable. Understood?'

Melinda looked at me with angry eyes, staring at me as if I was a three years old child. Afraid to cause a scene, I nodded and while blushing, I muttered an 'Understood' and left quietly.

Finally breathing the heavy summer air of Amsterdam, my brain seemed to no longer exist. My stomach and my heart had taken control of me. Feeling like a looser, it seemed that my life was in a dead end. With a gruyère memory, what could I do? With a ghost husband what could I do? With people who were afraid that I would faint again, what could I do? Melinda was right, I was a burden for myself and my close relatives. No wonder Erwin left me on our wedding day...

Just like that, the heavy wether suddenly turned to thunder, matching with my inner emotions while I automatically grabbed my umbrella and run to the flat.

But when I was slowly climbing the stairs, my phone alarm went on and my heart felt electrified. I had forgotten my appointment with Dr. Klomberg! Gathering my thoughts, my brain suddenly emerged from my dark emotions while I started to tumble down the stairs and run. I could still make it!

It was out of breath that I presented myself only 5 minutes late at the reception of the doctor's office. Trying to catch her breath, I leaned against the reception desk as the receptionist stared at me.